Raising Good Children

1、Raising Good Children: 10 Things Parents Can Do Dr. Thomas Lickona /characterMajor support for the Smart & Good Schools Initiative provided by the: John Templeton FoundationFor more information: /characterA project of The Center for the 4th and 5th Rs & The Institute for Excellence & Ethics (IEE)SMA

2、RT & GOOD SCHOOLS INITIATIVEMAXIMIZING THE POWER OF CHARACTERNo-Brainers Whats the hardest job there is?Whats the job for which we get the least training?Whats the job that gets harder all the time because of the stresses on families and the negative influences of the wider culture?Who has the great

3、est impact on kids character development? Loving is natural;Parenting is not. Parenting skills are learned. -Gil and Tanya Gockley “God sends us children to teach us humility.” Raising Good Children: 10 Things Parents Can Do Know what good character is and make it a high priority.Be an authoritative

4、 parent.Love children.Teach by example. Manage the moral environment. Raising Good Children 6. Use direct teaching to form conscience and habits.7. Discipline wisely. 8. Solve conflicts fairly. 9. Provide opportunities to practice the virtues. 10. Foster spiritual development. Principle 1Know what g

5、ood character is and make character development a high priority. 10 Essential VirtuesWisdomJusticeFortitudeSelf-controlLovePositive attitudeHard workIntegrityGratitudeHumilityMake character development a deliberate goal of family life.Take the long view:View children as “adults-in-the-making.” Recen

6、t studies find that adults who were overindulged as children have difficulty coping with lifes disappointments. They have a distorted sense of entitlement that gets in the way of success both in the workplace and in relationships.-Newsweek, September 13, 2004 Principle 2Be an authoritative parent. P

7、arents must have a strong sense of moral authority their right to be respected and obeyed. 3 styles of parenting:AuthoritarianPermissiveAuthoritative. At all developmental levels, the most confident and responsible children have authoritative parents.The importance of supervision: The most academica

8、lly motivated and morally responsible teensand the ones least likely to engage in risky behaviorsare those who: Enjoy warm and involved relationships with their parentsHave parents who set clear expectations and monitor their adolescents activities in age-appropriate ways. -Building a Better Teenage

9、r, Child Trends 2002 research report, One survey of elementary school children found that when they crave something, most expect to ask 9 times before their parents give in.-Newsweek, September 13, 2004 Ways to Say NoNo.No, and thats final.No, and dont ask me again.I have thought about it, and the a

10、nswer is no.I know you know how to nag. It wont work.Nice try, the answer is still no. Have a zero tolerance policy for disrespectful speech and behavior. Principle 3Love children. Love involves . . .Time Communication Sacrifice. Principle 4Teach by example. The stands we take define our values. Pri

11、nciple 5Manage the Moral Environment. Media Facts The average child sees about 100 commercials a day. The average young person consumes nearly 7 hours of electronic media a day. Three-quarters of 6th-graders have their own TV in their bedrooms. Kids and Media at the New Millennium , The Power of the

12、 Media By 16, the average child sees about 200,000 acts of TV violence.There is a causal connection between kids viewing TV violence and aggressive behavior.Kids who watch the most violent TV are the most violent.Kids who dont imitate media violence are desensitized by it. Family Media GuidelinesWe

13、use media to promote family life and good values.The use of any media (TV, VCR, Internet, etc.) in the home requires parents permission and presence.Have a family meeting to explain your reasons for these guidelines. RECOMMENDATION:Consider having NO TV while you have children in the home. Principle

14、 6Use direct teaching to form habits and conscience. Dads Two Sets Of Threes On honesty: Never lie. Never cheat. Never steal.On adversity: Dont whine. Dont complain. Dont make excuses. -John Wooden, Wooden 7 Ethical TestsThe Golden Rule.What if everybody did it?The parents test.The religion test.The

15、 conscience test.The consequences test.The fronttest.Conscience Has 2 Parts:Understanding that something is right or wrong (moral judgment).Understanding why it is right or wrong (moral reasoning). Moral reasoning develops in stages.Stage 0: Egocentric Reasoning (appears around age 4)* “I should get

16、 my own way”Reason to be good: to get rewards and avoid punishment _* Ages indicate reasonable developmental expectations for a child of normal intelligence growing up in a supportive moral environment.Stage 1: Unquestioning Obedience (appears around kindergarten age) “I should do what Im told.” Rea

17、son to be good: to stay out of trouble.Stage 2: Whats-in-it-for-me Fairness (early elementary grades) “I should look out for myself but be fair to those who are fair to me.” Reason to be good: Self-interest: Whats in it for me?Stage 3: Interpersonal Conformity (upper elementary grades and early to m

18、id-teens) “I should be a nice person and live up to the expectations of people I know and care about” Reason to be good: So others will think well of me and I can think well of myself.Stage 4: Responsibility to the “System” (high school years or late teens) “I should fulfill my responsibilities to t

19、he social or value system I feel part of.” Reason to be good: To keep the system from falling apart and to maintain self-respect as someone who meets my obligations.Stage 5: Principled Conscience (young adulthood) “I should show the greatest possible respect for the rights and dignity of every indiv

20、idual and support a system that protects human rights.” Reason to be good: The obligation of conscience to act in accordance with the principle of respect for all human beings.Principle 7Discipline wisely. When kids do something wrong, require them to . . .Say, “Im sorry.” Say why they are sorry. As

21、k, “What can I do to make up for it?” (make restitution)Principle 8Solve conflicts fairly. The Fairness MeetingAchieve mutual understanding. Find a solution everyone thinks is fair.Have a follow-up meeting to discuss how its working.Principle 9Provide opportunities to practice the virtues. Character

22、 development is not a spectator sport.Virtues are habits that develop through practice. Principle 10Foster spiritual development. Each of us is engaged in a lifelong search for a life worth living. -F. Washington Jarvis, With Love and PrayersWe are able to live and even to die for the sake of our id

23、eals and values. -Viktor Frankl, Mans Search for Meaning (1959) “I see so many people just going through the motions: get into a good school, so you can get into a good college, so you can get a good job, so you can get a better job, so you can get rich and die.” Recent High School GraduateAn Analysis of My Life1. Are you generally satisfied with what you have done so far in your life? Explain.2. What obstacles, if any, have interfered with your personal growth? What can you do to overcome them?3. What is the most valuable lesson you have learned in