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ItwasanautumnnightinmynativeNovaScotia.
Alightrainwasfalling,makingtappingsoundsonthetinroofandthesmellof<2>mould</2>filledtheold<3>lodge</3>wewerevacationinginfortheweekend.
<P1>A<4>shiver</4>intheair<5>inspired</5>afireontheFranklinstove.
Wewereall<6>sipping</6>hotchocolateandthenmyfatherwentovertothe<7>upright</7>piano,pushedupthesleevesofhisshirtandbeganpickingoutatunewithonefinger.
<P2>Hewasnotmuchofapianist,butheknewtheloveofsongandfamily.
Mymotherputdownhersewingandjoinedhimonthebench<P3>andthenmybrotherdriftedtothepianoaswell.
Finally,apoorsingerandsousuallyaviolinistinstead,Iaddedmyvoiceforalineortwo.
Myfather,ever<8>considerate</8>,said,"See,youcansing,darling.Thatwasgood."
Ihaveoftenrememberedhowwarm,happyandlovedIfeltgrowingup.
Ittookmeyears,though,tolearnthattheloveinourfamilydidn'tjusthappen.
Infact,loveneverjusthappens¡ªnoteventopeoplewhoseemasnaturallylovingasmymotherandfather.
<P4>But,Iwould<9>hedge</9>tobet,thereisaframeworkyoumustlivewithintoletthisgiftthathasno<10>rivals</10>mature.
First,loveneedstime.
Perhapspeoplecanrecognizeinamomentthepossibilityforlove,andmakegrand<11>declarations</11>suchas"Iloveyou"withinweeksofhavingmet,butthisloveis<12>parable</12>tothebeginningofalongroadupamountainwithmanyupsanddowns.
Matureloveislikealiving<13>organism</13>.
It<14>parallels</14>thelifeofanoaktree,growingslowlyfromaseedinthe<15>mud</15>toa<16>slender</16><17>trunk</17>withbarelyanyleavesandfinallyintoitsshelteringglory.
<P5>Wecannot<18>manipulate</18>orspeeduptheamountofyearsitneedstogrow,butmustinstead,with<19>wit</19>andpatience,appreciateoneanother'sdifferencesandshareoneanother'sjoysandpainsovertime.
Soitissadwhendivorcesarecausedbysmall<21>provocations</21>,whenparentsandchildrengiveupononeanother,whenfriendshipsfallapartatthefirstinjury,whenwegiveuponlove.
Toooftenwesay"<22>farewell</22>"tosomeonewehavelovedwithoutduethoughtandenduppayinganemotionaltollthatisquite<23>costly</23>.
Ionceknewafatherandsonwho,<24>saddled</24>withtheir<25>respective</25>troublesinlife,haddrawnsofarapartovertheyearsthattheyfoundlittletosaytoeachother.
And,withouteachother,theirliveshadbee<26>hollow</26>.
Theson,justoutofcollege,hadplannedtospendthesummertravelinginanoldyellow<27>lorry</27>onthetwo-lanehighwaysthatconnectedthecountrytogetherbefore<28>freeways</28>.
<P6>Oneday,whenhewasnearlyreadytoleave,hespottedhisfatherapproachingonabusystreetandwasstruckbyasingularlonelinessinthatlongfamiliarface.
Heinvitedhimtostopforabeer.
Thenonimpulse,hesaid,"Dad,ealong.Let'sspendasummertogether."
Atgreatrisktothefamilybusiness,thefather,afurniture<29>salesman</29>,wentalongwithhisson.
Togethertheycamped,climbedmountains,satbytheseaandexploredcitystreetsandsleepyvillages.
"Ilearnedmoreaboutbeingafatherinthelasttwomonthsthaninallmyson's21years,"thefathertoldme<30>shortly</30>aftertheirtrip.
<P7>Everyone'slifeshouldhaveroomforlovesworthrisking<31>sizable</31>piecesoftimewethinkwecan'tspare.
Weshouldnot<32>mislead</32>ourselvesintothinkingthattheoneswelovemustbelikeus.
Thekeyistorecognizeandappreciateourdifferences.
Thosedifferencesprovidethemysteryandwonderofhumanrelationships.
Loveneedsanother,harder-to-findqualityaswell,theabilitytoletgo.
Intheearlyyearsofmymarriage,Ihad<33>faulty</33>notionsthatmyhusbandshouldwanttobewithmeallthetime.
Onourfirstvisittohisfamily'shouse,Idiscoveredthatthemendidthingstogetherandthewomendidthesame.
Myfather-in-lawstolemyplacenexttomyhusbandinthefrontseatofthecar,andthetwoofthemoftenwentouttogether,leavingmewiththewomen.
<P8>Iplainedandmademyhusbandmiserable,caughtashewasbetweenthepeopleheloved.
Mymother-in-lawsaidwisely,"Beingwithhisfatherisonepartofhislife;beingwithyouisanother.Behappyaboutbothofthem."
<P9>Ilearnedthatloveislikean<34>elastic</34><35>band</35>thatmust<36>stretch</36>apartbeforeitpullsyoubackclosetooneanother.
Itisaing<37>tide</37>whosewatersretreatalittleafterasinglewave,butthenextoneisclosertoyourheartthantheonebefore.
<P10>Finally,loveneedswordstomakeitreal.
Withoutwords,quarrelscan'tberesolvedandwelosethepowertosharethemeaningofourlives.
Theimportantthingisto<38>acknowledge</38>andexpressourfeelings.
<P11>Inthisway,wecantrulysendthespiritsofthoseweloveaswellasourown<39>soarin
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