《老爸老妈浪漫史 第四季 第21-24集》英中字幕

===《老爸老妈浪漫史第四季第21-24集》英中字幕=========目录第21集 2第22集 13第23集 25第24集 36

第21集Great.So,um,I'llgiveyouacall. -Ihopeyoudo. -Allright. Lookatthis. Ijustgotthatgirl's number.Checkitout. Holly.Nice. Girlswhosenamesend inL-Yarealwaysdirty. Holly,Kelly,Carly,Lily. Oh,yeah,Iknowit'strue. Anddon'tevengetmestartedon girlshosenamesshouldendinY, butinsteadendinI. Thosegirlsarelikerollercoasters. Yougottowaitinalong line,butonceyougetupthere, youjustholdonfordearlife andhopeyoudon'tdropyourkeys. Hey,youknowwhatI'mgonnado? I'mgonnacallherrightnow. I'mgonnadothatwhole,"Hey,remember me?It'sbeensolong." See,it'sfunnybecauseIjustsawher. Dude,youcan'tcallher. Youhavetowaitthreedaysto callawoman.That'stherule. Barney,thatruleis completelyplayedout. Girlsknowexactlywhatyou'redoing. Hey,Igotanewrule. It'skindofcrazy,butIcall it,Youlikeher,youcallher. I'msorry.Canyourepeatthat? Idon'tspeakINeverGetLaid. Barney,theThreeDaysRuleisinsane. Imean,whoevencameupwiththat? Jesus. Barney,don'tdothis.NotwithJesus. Seriously.Jesusstartedthe wholewait-three-daysthing. Hewaitedthreedays tocomebacktolife. Itwasperfect. Ifhehaveonlywaitedoneday,alotof peoplewouldn'thaveevenheardthathedied. They'dbeall,"Hey,Jesus,whatup?" AndJesuswouldprobably be,like,"Whatup?Idiedyesterday." Andthenthey'dbeall,Uh,you lookprettyalivetome,dude. AndthenJesuswouldhavetoexplainhow hewasresurrectedandhowitwasamiracle. Andthen,thedudewould be,like,Uh,okay,whateveryousay,bro. Wow,ancientdialogue soundssostiltednow. Andhe'snotgoingto comebackonaSaturday. Everybody'sbusydoingchores. Workingtheloom,trimming theirbeards.No. Hewaitstheexactright numberofdays...Three. Okay,Ipromise--I'llwaitthree days.Justpleasestoptalking. Plus,it'sSunday,so everyone'sinchurchalready. They'reallin there,Oh,no,Jesusisdead. Then,bam!Heburststhrough thebackdoor,runsuptheaisle. Everyone'stotallypsyched. And,FYI,that'swhenhe inventedthehigh-five. Threedays,Ted. Wewaitthreedaystocallawomanbecause that'showlongJesuswantsustowait. Truestory. Okay,fine.Ipromise,Iwon't callHollyforthreedays. ButIneversaidanythingabouttexting. Istartedthingsoffwith somethingcuteandcharming. "Iwasthinkingaboutyou,soIthought I'dsendyoualittletextytext." AndthemomentIhit"Send,"I realizeditwasn'tcuteatall. {\a6}textytext Itwasthelamestthing anyonehaseversaidtoanyone. Andtheworstthingabouttexting isthatonceyousendit... Oh,no!No! youcannevergetitback. Andthen...youwait. {\a6}****** Andjustwhenyou'vedecided nevertotextanyoneagain... "I'vebeenthinkingaboutyou,too, "andhowweirdisitthatyou textedmewhileIwasinthebath?" -Whatwasthat? -What? -Youmadeanoise. -Thatwasmyphone.Igotatext. -Notthat.Youmadeyournakedladynoise. -What? Wheneveryouseeanaked lady,youmakethenoise. Idon'tdothat. Really? Oh,God,sorry,Lily. Whilethemenareouthunting,thewomen ofNewGuinea'sindigenousKorowaitribe washtheirclothesintheriver. That'stotallyaboob. IsthatHollywhokeepstextingyou? Didn'tyoupromisetowaitthreedays? Tocall,yes.Texting istotallydifferent. Okay,well,justtrytokeepthe nakedladynoisestoaminimum. Idon'tmakeanakedladynoise. Really? HollyandIstayeduptexting until2:00inthemorning. Andwespentthewholenext daytextingeachother,too. Sheseemedperfect. Hollyjusttoldmewhat she'swearingrightnow. Itisprettyhot. Yeah,whateveritis,Ican guaranteeyoushe'snotwearingit. She'slyingtoyoutomakeyoulikeher. -Howdoyouknowthat? -Here.Comehere. Becausenowomaninthe historyoftheworldisever "justsittingaroundreadingarchitecture magazinesinmyoldcheerleaderuniform." Okay,maybeshe'slyingabout thearchitecturemagazines. Oh,no. -Oh,no.Thisisbad. -What? Shejustsentmeatextthatwas clearlymeantforsomeoneelse. "Hey,baby,Ipickedupsometake-out fromGenerro's.Behomesoon." Okay,yes,thissoundsbad,but let'sthinkaboutthis,okay? Itcouldbeforabrother ormaybehersickdad. Scrolldown. "AndthenIwantyou todomeonthecouch." Okay,maybenotasickdad. Oraverysickdad.AmIright? Sorry. Hey,guys. God.Whatisthis? It'sjustsometake-outfromGenerro's. I'mbringingithomeforLily. Oh,that'sweird. HollyjusttextedTedsomething abouttake-outfromGenerro's. Waitasecond. -Yousonsofbitches. -What? You'reHolly. SoTedhasn'tbeentextingHollyatall? He'sbeentextingyoutwo? Look,weknewhe'dtrytocallherbefore thethreedays,soIswipedhisphone, andIchangedher numbertomyworkcell. Wewerejustgonnabustonhimforcalling hertoosoon,butthenhestartedtextingher. Textytext? Oh,Ted. Oh,poor,sweetTed.Weshould... weshouldtellhimit'sus. Yeah.Or... wepretendwe'reHolly,and we'reinthebath. Yeah,that'sbetter. Well,thatwasfun. Weshouldtellhimthatit'sus. Yeah,weshould.Or... wetellhimourfavoritecolorisred,and wethinkthecowboylookisverysexy. Yeah,that'sbetter. I'mwearingthemright now,andtheydolooksexy. -Heputontheboots! -Hetotallyputontheboots! -Thatwasawesome! -Yeah. Butit'stimetotellhimwho hereallyputthosebootsonfor. Yeah.Or... wejusttookoffourshirt. Yeah,that'sbetter. Youthinkmaybewe'rewearing ablacklacebraunderneath? Idon'tthinkwe're wearinganythingunderneath. God,we'rehot. Nowhe'sonlywearingthe cowboyboots!Itison! Itissoon!Okay,okay,tell himthatwe're... we'reslowingslippingoutofour... Whatarewedoing? Ithinkthatwe'reabout tohavesexwithTed. So,youdidthistohim allday?That'sjustmean. No,no.No,itwas...Itwas actuallyforhisowngood. We'reprotectinghimfromhimself. He...No.Hereallylikesthisgirl. Hehadthat-thatlookinhiseye. Yeah,thatcrazy"I'mabouttomove toofastandscrewthisup"look. Itwasactuallythesamelookhe hadonhisfirstdatewithyou. -Andweallrememberhowthatwent. -Yeah. -IthinkI'minlovewithyou. -What? Yeah,well,I-Ithink Iwasaspecialcase. ThisHollyisnoRobinScherbatsky. Hey,whatisthedealwithherhair? Imean,newsflash:theymake conditionersthatdon'tleaveabuildup. I'msob. Look,it'sbeenawhilesince Tedreallylikedsomeone. He'sclearlygotalotof crazystoredup.Wejust... wethoughtwe'dgethimtosay"Iloveyou" beforeheevenmakescontactwiththisgirl. Andyoucantellit'sontheway. He'sexhibitingallthetelltalesigns. Yeah.One:Hejoked aboutgettingmarried. "Youlikearchitecture?We shouldgetmarried.""Ha-ha.LOL." "Justkidding.Questionmark?" Two:Hemadeacrazy way-too-soontripsuggestion. "Ilikebeer,too.Weshould totallygotoGermanytogether." "LOL.JK.LOL." Andthree:Hegotway toopersonalwaytoosoon. "Yeah,myparentsgot divorcedacoupleyearsback. Itwasreallytough."LOL." Andheclearlydoesn't knowwhatLOLmeans. Yeah,buthere'stherealproblem. Tedwasn'tsaying"Iloveyou" aseasilyaswethoughthewould. Thenwemet...Stan. Whyareyoumakingsomuchnoise,man? Soweexplainedeverythingtohim,andwhen weweredone,somethingamazinghappened. Whydon'tyoutellTedthatjustknowing he'soutthere,thinkingaboutyou, caringaboutyou,makesyoufeelsafe? So,allyourfears,all youryesterdayswashaway, andonlyhoperemainsin thepromiseofhisembrace. Go,Stan.Whoisthisguy? He'sasecurityguardwhoworksnights. Andheeatslunchat MacLaren'severyday. -Andhewasn'tdone. -Notbyalongshot. YoumakemethankGodfor everymistakeIevermade becauseeachoneledmedown thepaththatbroughtmetoyou. That's,uh,reallynice,man. Whatever.It'sokay. "Andwhenfinallycome together,"Iwantyoutoholdme. Holdme""allnight.Strokemyhair." "TellmeI'mawoman andshowmeyou'reaman. Untiltheretherewasonlynow." YouandI...andnow." Yes! Youwantmetotext thattoTed.Iknowthat. "Idonotask"ofthe nightexplanations. Iwaitforit,anditenvelopsme," "andsoyouandbread andlightandshadoware." That'sPabloNeruda. Idon'tknow,um,what breadwasdoinginthere, butthattouchedmehereandhere. Well,ifTedwon'tsayit,Iwill. Iloveyou. That'scool. Stillnothing,huh? Maybehe'snotinlovewithus. Howcanhenotbeinlovewithus? We'reeverythinghe'slookingfor. Idon'tgetmen. Gottoheadtowork. Willyoube...Willyoubeback? I'llbebackwhenthewindand fatesandchancebringmeback. Whichwillbetomorrow. It'scheesesteakday. Itsoundslikeyou werealloverthisguy. Hopehisgirlfrienddidn'tgetjealous. Didhementionagirlfriendor... ItwasallgoinggreatuntilMarshallsentTed atextmeantforLilyandruinedeverything. Well,itdoesn'tmatter. Okay?It'sovernow. Igottogetgoing,but here'swhat'sgoingtohappen: You'regoingtocallhimright now,tellhimwhatyoudid,andapologize. -Yougotit? -Yes. Or... Hollyexplainedeverything.It wasalljustamisunderstanding. -Everything'sgreatnow. -Really? Uh,howdid,uh,Hollyexplain herwayoutofthatone? Well,apparently,herdumbfriendMarshaaccidentally usedherphonetotextherhusbandBilly. MarshaandBilly. Noonesprainedanymusclesthere. Andnowwearebetterthanever. Look,Iknowthissoundscrazy,butIthink Imightactuallybefallingforthisgirl. -You'refallingforBarneyandMarshall. -What? Theydidn'tbelievethatyou couldwaitthethreedays, soBarneychangedhernumber inyourphonetohisworkcell. HollyisBarneyandMarshall. Wait.Thatwholetimeitwasthem? SoHollywasn'tinthebath? Orsittingbyherwindow,looking upatthestars,thinkingaboutme? Orlounginginheroldcheerleader uniformreadingarchitecturemagazines? Yeah.Idon'tthinkthey actuallydidthosethings. Theywerejustatthebar. Right. But,yeah,itwasthem. -Unbelievab. -Iknow. Soyoumightaswelltell themyou'reontothem. Yeah.Or... Itextthemsomethingthatwill reallymesswiththeirheads. Oh,Igotcha.Okay.Howabout... "Ihaven'ttoldanyofmyfriends yet,butIonlyhavethreemonthstolive?" -Notbad. -Yeah. Howabout"Ioncekilledamanwitha shovel,andthosefeelingsarecreepingupagain"? I-Ilikedthatthingsomeonesaid beforeabouthavingthreemonthstolive. Howabout"Inevertoldanyonethis,but Isleptwithmybestfriend'smom"? Oh,thatisgood,butIfeellikewekeep comingbacktothatthreemonthstolivething. -Wait.IthinkIgotit. -Oh,yeah? Hetextedback! "Iprobablyshouldn'ttellyouthis. Imeanwebarelyknoweachother." Butwhatthehell,I'lljustsayit. Thisisit,dude.Here comesthe"Iloveyou." -IshStanwerehere. -Stan. What? Isometimeshavegay dreamsaboutmybestfriend. Isometimeshavegay dreamsaboutmybestfriend. WhyintheworldwouldTedtextagirlhebarely knowsthathesometimeshasgaydreamsaboutme? Slowyourroll.You? He'sclearlytalkingaboutme. Dude,it'sme.I'mhisbestfriend. Okay,one:thathasneverbeenproven. Two:Ifanyoneweretohavegay dreamsaboutoneofus,itwouldbeme. Imean,lookatme.Nowlookatyou. Astill-in-the-closet80-year-old wouldn'tbeintothatmess. Here'sthething,Barney. I'msnuggly.You'renot. Whowouldn'twanttosnuggleupnext tothisbusinessonaSundaymorning? Wrappedinacomforter,andit'sraining outside,andthere'smuffinswarmingintheoven. I'mcuddly,bitch.Dealwithit. Iworkouteveryday. Ifthereisonethingweknowabout Ted,it'sthathelikesanicebody. Thisbodywouldrockhisworld. TedandIhaveahistory. Iknowwhathelikes. TherearethingsIcoulddoto himthatwouldblowhismind... Whydowekeeptrying tohavesexwithTed? Idon'tknow.It'sweird. Crazy,right? Ted'shavinggaydreamsaboutme. Andbyme,hemeans M-E,MarshallEriksen, starofTed'sgaydreams. Whocares?SoTedhasgay dreamsaboutoneofyouguys. It'snotlikeyoufoundout hehasthreemonthstolive. That'slike,oh,shocking,right? Hey,lookatthisguy. How'sitgoing,uh,best friendof12years? Well,it'skindofweird,but,uh,I hadthiscrazydreamtheothernight. It'salittleembarrassing. Youcantellus,Ted. Thisisasafespace. ah,yourfeelingsare perfectlynatural,buddy. Okay.Here'swhathappened.SoI'mat... AndthenIproceededtowastea halfhourofthosebastards'lives, tellingthemaboutthisdreamIhad whereIatedinnerwithmytopfive favoritearchitectsthroughouthistory. Andthen,attheendofthemeal,Frank GehryslidesthecheckovertoI.M.Pei, andhesays,Buddy,tonight,your nameisI.M.Paying. BuckminsterFuller almostdidaspittake. AndthenIwokeup. So,that-that'sit? Nootherdreams? -Nothingconfusingorerotic? -Nope. Okay,howaboutthis? Ted,youknowhowatsomepointinthe future,machineswillriseupagainstus? -Sure.- Okay.So,themachines-- they'vekilledeverybody, andallthat'sleft isyou,me,andBarney. Whichoneofuswouldyou,like... getwith? And,um... whydoIhavetogetwithoneofyou? Themachinesareforcingyou. Theywanttowatch.That's justhowtheygetdown. Oh,that'sa...that's a...That'satoughone. Iguessitwouldhavetobe... Holly. Robintoldmewhatyouguysdid. That'swhyImadeup thegaydreamsthing. Uh,guys,thisisHolly. AndIdidn'twaityour preciousthreedaystocallher. Iknewwheresheworked,so Itrackedherdown. Um,letmeaskyou.Did Icallyoutoosoon? Ilovedthathecalledmerightaway. Ifounditveryromantic. Andbytheway,Idon'tsitaroundmy apartmentreadingarchitecturemagazines inmyoldcheerleaderuniform. Idothatcompletelynaked. So,uh,HollyandIare goingouttodinner. -I'llmeetyououtfront. -Okay. I'msorrbud.We-Wewere justtryingtohelpyou. And,also,itwasreallyfun. Idon'tneedyourhelp,okay? Icantakecareofmyself. And,yeah,maybe... maybetherearesomegirlswhowouldn't likeitthatIcalledthemrightaway orsaidthingstoosoon,butguesswhat? Thosearen'ttherightgirlsforme. Maybetherightgirlistheone wholovesthatIdothosethin becausethat'sjustwhoIam,andI'mnotgoing tochangebecauseofsomestupidThreeDaysRule. Oh,and,um,Hollyspells hernamewithan"I." SoIhadproventhattheThreeDaysRulewas wrong,andIwasouttodinnerwithaprettygirl. Anduntilrightnow,I'venevertoldanyone thetruthaboutwhathappenedonthatdate. That'ssofunny!Iloveindiemusic,too. Weshouldgetmarried. Justkidding.OramI? Justkiddingagain. That'sit.We'retotally goingtoBraziltogether! AndIwenttomydoctorthismorning,andhe saiditisallclearedup,soI'mgoodtogo. IthinkI'minlovewithyou,Ted. Intheend,Ididn'tneedtowait threedays,butHollyreally,reallydid. Likealotofrules,therearetimes tofollowthemandtimestonot. ButIwilltellyouthis. WhenIgotyourmother's number,Icalledherrightaway. -Stan! -Hey,fellas. -Stan,aren'tyouworking? -Tookthenightoff. -That'sgreat!Wecanallhangout! -Yeah. Uh,Ican't.Gotadate. -Youready,baby? -Yup. Whatthe... Wait,wait.Couldn'tyouguysjust stayhereanddoyourdatewithus? Yeah,it'llbefun!Look,I'mlaughing! It'sfunhere!Youlikemagic? Fellas,it-it'stime wesaidgood-bye. Imean,wesharedaveryspecialafternoon together,andthat'ssomethingIwillalwayscherish. I'llneverforgetyouguys. -Doyouevenknowtheirmes? -Noidea.IsthetalloneTed? No.That'sMarshall. He'smarriedtoLily. -Okay.Youlikechickenwings? -Oh,yeah. 好吧回去我打给你 -要记得哦 -没问题 瞧瞧呀 我刚刚拿到那美女号码了你们看 叫Holly干得好 女生名字要是以ly结尾通常都很浪 比如说HollyKellyCarlyLily 倒也没说错 更别说那些本以为是名字以Y结尾 其实是以I结尾的女生 搭上她们就像坐过山车那样 你得排一长条队可等你上车后 你只会感叹想要抓住美好的人生 希望别掉链子 知道我要怎么做吗? 我现在就打给她 我要跟她讲 "嘿还记得我吧?有一阵子没见了" 很有趣吧因为我刚刚才见过她 兄弟不能打给她 你得三天后才能打给她这是规矩 Barney这规矩已经过时了 女生们都知道你在想什么 嘿我来创造个新规矩 虽然有点不着调我把它叫做 "喜欢她就打给她" 不好意思能再说一次吗? 我不太懂"钓不到妞"语 Barney三天之约太愚蠢了 你说谁提出来的? 耶稣 Barney别这样别把耶稣扯进来 我认真的三天之约确实是耶稣创造的 他被钉死第三天才复活的 这才完美嘛 要是他等一天就复活 很多人甚至都不知道他的死讯 不知情的就跟他打招呼 "嘿耶稣吃了饭没?" 耶稣可能就会这么说 "吃啥饭呀?我昨儿个死了" 而其他人就说 "呃我看你还挺鲜活的呀兄弟" 然后耶稣就得跟他们解释 他是怎么奇迹般地复活的 那些家伙就会说"好了兄弟你就吹吧" 古人说话咋这么做作 然而他要星期六复活也不成 (耶稣星期日复活) 大家都忙着家务事呢 他们都在家织布修胡须复活可不成 (犹太人星期六不工作) 他等到最适合的时间...第三天 好了我保证第三天才打电话 拜托咱们转话题吧 还有那时是星期日大家都在教堂呢 在教堂见到耶稣说"不耶稣竟然死了" 然后砰!他推开后门穿过走廊 大家都激动死了 还有你要知道击掌就是在那时发明的 三天Ted 三天后再打给那女生 因为耶稣要我们等三天 我可是说真的 好吧我保证三天后再打给Holly 可我没说不能发短信 我发了一条可爱又迷人的短信 "我正想你呢所以给你发条小短信" 在我手指按上"发送"之时 我意识到这一点都不可爱 {\a6}小短信 对别人说这话真是丢脸死了 而发短信最大的缺点 就是一旦你发了出去... 别!别跑! 就覆水难收了 然后...你就等着回信 {\a6}23分钟后 就在你决定再也不给别人发短信的同时 "我也在想着你呢" "收到短信时我就躺在浴缸很奇怪吧?" -你怎么了? -啥? -你发出了奇怪的声音 -是我的手机我收到短信了 -不是说那个你发出了裸女之声 -啥? 每次你见到裸女就会发出这种声音 才不是呢 真的吗? 不好意思Lily 家里的男人都出去打猎了 新几内亚Korowai部落的女人 就会在河边洗衣服 这肯定是胸部 是那个Holly给你发短信吗? 你不是保证过要等三天吗? 不打电话嘛发短信可不同 随你了只要把裸女之声调到最低就好 我没有发出裸女之声 真的? 我和Holly互发短信直到凌晨2点 第二天我们也发了一整天短信 她真的很棒 Holly刚跟我说她现在穿着什么 可真辣呀 不管是什么我向你保证她没说真话 她在说谎好让你喜欢她 -你怎么知道? -拿来 因为史上从来没有女孩会 "穿着以前的啦啦队制服 静静坐着看建筑杂志" 好吧或许看建筑杂志那是假的 噢不 -噢不坏菜了 -怎么了? 她刚刚发了条短信 明显收信人就不该是我 "亲爱的我去Generro那儿带点外卖 很快回来" 听起来不太妙不过往好的方面想 可能是她兄弟或者是有个病了的爸爸 继续看 "然后我要你在沙发上干我" 好吧不一定是个病老爸 可能是个变态老爸对吧? 对不起 大伙儿 这是啥? Generro's那儿的外卖给Lily带的 奇怪了 Holly刚给Ted发了条短信 要去Generro's那儿带外卖 等等 -你们俩混蛋 -怎么了? 你们就是Holly 这么说给Ted发短信的人不是Holly? 他一直在跟你们发短信? 我们就知道他忍不了三天 所以我偷了他电话 把那女生的号码换为我的工作手机号码 我们只是想抓到他不遵守规矩 没想到他给她竟然发短信 小短信? 噢Ted 可怜的Ted呀 咱们--咱们得告诉他这是我们 好又或者... 我们装作是Holly现在躺在浴缸 这主意更好 真好玩 我们还是告诉他真相吧 应该的又或者... 我们跟他说红色是咱们的最爱 还有牛仔装扮非常性感 不错 穿着呢没错真的很性感 -他穿上了那双靴子! -他真的穿上了那双靴子! -帅呀! -对呀 不过是时候告诉他是谁在玩他了 没错又或者... 说美女正宽衣解带 不错 你说咱们穿着黑色蕾丝胸罩打底好不? 我觉得咱们不应该打底 老天咱们真辣 现在他只穿着那双牛仔靴子了! 好戏上场了! 来吧来吧!好咱们这么说... 咱们慢慢地褪下... 咱们在干嘛呢? 我估计咱们要跟Ted电话做爱了 你们就这么一整天地耍他?太过分了 不...这样是为了他好 我们在保护他不被自己所伤害 他...他真的喜欢这女孩 从他的眼神能看出来 对那种"我会进展过快而搞砸"的眼神 这跟与你第一次约会的眼神是一样的 -大家都记得最后怎样了吧 -没错 -我爱上你了 -啥? 嗯我-我觉得自己是个特别的例子 这个Holly可不是RobinScherbatsky 嘿她头发是怎么回事? 最新消息:就跟现在的空调一样偷工减料 我太坏了 听着Ted很久没这么喜欢过一个人了 他隐忍了很久我们只是... 我们想让他说"我爱你"之前 起码能了解下这个女孩 你跟她继续说我拿证据出来 第一:他拿结婚开玩笑 "你喜欢建筑师?咱们结婚吧" "哈哈LOL." (laughoutloud简写大声地笑)"开玩笑的啦问号" 第二:他太单刀直入了 "我也喜欢啤酒咱们一起去德国吧" "LOL.JK.LOL." (justkidding简写开玩笑) 第三:他太快进入私人话题 "我父母几年前离婚了 那时我很难过""LOL." 他肯定不知道LOL啥意思吧 还有个更严重的问题 Ted没我们想象中容易说"我爱你" 直到我们遇到...Stan 吵吵啥呀?伙计 我们就跟他解释咯解释完后 有趣的事情发生了 不如你们跟Ted说他能想着你们 关心你们让你们有安全感很开心? 你们的恐惧往事统统赶走 希望就留在他承诺的怀抱中 Stan好家伙他谁呀? 他是个夜班的保安 他每天都在Maclaren's吃午饭 -他还没说完 -喝了点小酒后 你让我为自己犯下的每个错误 都心怀感激 因为它们把我带到你身边 你真好兄弟 管他呢挺好的 "当相遇那一天终于来临 我想要你抱着我" "整晚的抱着我抚摸着我的秀发" "让我知道自己是个弱女子 而你是个真男人" "矢志不渝" "你和我...尽在此刻" 我愿意! 你想让我把这些话发给Ted我明白了 "我不需要你今晚做出决定 我愿意等而这感觉拥抱着我" "而我也被你被面包和阳光以及阴影围绕" 这是诗人PabloNeruda写的 我不知道干嘛会提到面包 但这些话真的打动我的这里和这里 好吧如果Ted不愿说这番话 我替他会说的 我爱你 很好 还是没回复啊? 可能他并不爱我们吧 他怎能不爱我们? 我们就是他苦苦寻找的一切 我真搞不懂男人 我要回去工作了 你还会...还会回来吗? 当风吹起命运召唤我之时 我会回来的 可能是明天吧 明天奶酪牛排搞特价 听着你们很迷这个大汉啊 希望他的女朋友不会吃醋 他有提到女朋友或者... 一切进展顺利直到Marshall 把给Lily的短信误发给了Ted全毁了 没关系知道吧一切都结束了 我要走了但是你们得这么做: 你们赶紧打电话给他 坦白你们的恶作剧向他道歉 -你们听清楚了吗? -明白了 或者... Holly解释说那完全是个误会 -现在没事了 -真的? 那么Holly是怎么解释那件事的? 事实上是她的蠢朋友Marsha 不小心用了她的手机给老公Billy发短信 Marsha和Billy 可真是天衣无缝啊 我们俩感情反而更好了 看虽然听起来很不可思议 但我觉得自己是爱上这个女孩了 -你是爱上了Barney和Marshall -什么? 他们不相信你会等上3天 所以Barney把你手机里她的号码 换成了自己的商务号码 Holly就是Barney和Marshall 慢着这全是他们搞的? 那么Holly没有躺在浴缸里? 没有坐在窗户边上 看着满天繁星在想我? 也没有套上旧拉拉队服在读建筑杂志? 对我想他们都没做这些事 他们只是待在酒吧里 没错 没错但就是他们搞的鬼 -真不敢相信 -我明白 你也可以跟他们说 你识破了他们的恶作剧 对或者... 我给他们发一些让他们摸不着头脑的东西 哦我明白了比如说... "我没跟自己的朋友提起过 其实我只剩3个月的命了?" -不错 -对 比如说"我曾经拿铁铲杀了一个人 那种感觉似乎又回来了"? 我喜欢刚才有人提到的 只剩3月寿命的建议 比如说"我从未跟别人说过 但我和好友的妈妈上过床"? 不错 但我更想接着回到只剩3个月可活的话题 -等等我知道了 -哦真的? 他回短信了! "我本不该跟你说的" "我是说我们根本不了解彼此" "但是管他呢我还是想说" 来了来了伙计 要说"我爱你"了 -真希望Stan也在这儿 -Stan 什么? 我有时会做跟自己的好友玩同志的梦 我有时会做跟自己的好友玩同志的梦 Ted到底为何会对一个陌生的女孩说 他有时会对我存有同性恋幻想? 慢着下结论他指的是你? 很明显他是在说我 伙计是我我是他最好的哥们 好吧第一:这从未得到证实 第二:如果有人会对我们其中一个 产生同性恋幻想那也必然是对我 看看我再看看你自己 即使是80岁的老古董也不会是 你这副德行 关键在于Barney我让人感觉温暖 而你不是 谁周日早上不想偎依在这结实的怀抱里? 缠绕在胸膛里就算窗外下着雨 烤炉里正热着松饼 我就是如此居家贱人 就是这样 我每天都健身 我们最了解Ted的莫过于他喜欢好身材 这副身材会让他疯狂 我和Ted结交多年 我知道他的喜好 我能为他做的那些事会让他失去理智... 为啥我们要抢着去和Ted嘿咻? 我也不知道太奇怪了 简直疯了对吧? Ted对我有同性恋幻想 他所说的"我" 指的是M-EMarshallEriksen Ted同性恋春梦里的情人 管他呢 就是说Ted同性恋春梦梦到你们其中一个 而不是你们发现他只剩3个月的寿命 这真是太震惊了对吧? 嘿瞧瞧这小子 今天还好吧?12年的好朋友 感觉很奇怪 但是我昨晚做了个疯狂的梦 真令人尴尬 你可以告诉我们Ted 这里很安全 你的感觉是很正常的伙计 好吧事情是这样的那么我当时在... 于是我浪费了这俩混蛋半小时的时间 告诉他们我的梦 梦里我跟最喜欢的5位建筑师一起吃饭 最后吃完饭FrankGehry把账单推给I.M.Pei 他说伙计今晚你就是"付账先生"了 (与其名字谐音) BuckminsterFuller差点喷饭了 然后我就醒了 那么就这样? 没做别的梦? -迷乱或者色情的梦呢? -没有 好吧这么说吧 Ted你知道未来的某天 机器会统治人类? -当然 -好吧那么机器-- 它们摧毁了全人类 只剩下你和我还有Barney 你会选哪一个就像是... 一起生活? 呣... 我为啥要跟你们其中一个生活? 那些机器强迫你 它们想要围观一下 它们就这个风格 哦那真是...真是...真是个难题 我想如果非得选的话... 选Holly Robin告诉我短信是你们发的 这就是为何我编造了同性恋春梦的事 伙计们这就是Holly 我没有按照你们说的 等上宝贵的三天再联系她 我知道她工作的地方 便直接去找她 让我来问问你 我给你打电话早了吗? 我喜欢他立马给我电话 我觉得很浪漫 顺便一提 我不会坐在公寓里读建筑杂志 还穿着我的旧拉拉队服 我都是裸着的 那么我和Holly要出去吃晚餐了 -我在门口等你 -好的 抱歉伙计我们只是想要帮你 而且这很有趣 我不需要你们的帮助好吧? 我自己能搞掂 没错也许... 也许有些女孩子 不喜欢我立刻给她们打电话 或者太早说爱她但是知道吗? 她们不是适合我的女孩 也许适合我的女孩会喜欢我做的事 因为这才是我 我不会因为愚蠢的3日原则而改变自己 哦还有Holly的名字其实是以"I"结尾的 我证明了3日法则是错误的 并和一个美女去吃晚餐 直到今日 我都没有跟人提过那晚发生了什么 太有趣了!我也喜欢印度音乐 咱俩真该结婚 开玩笑的或者我确实这么想的? 还是开玩笑 没错我们真该一起去巴西! 今早我去见了医生他说我都康复了 我可以走了 我想我爱上你了Ted 最后我不需要等上3天 需要等的人是Holly 正如许多的规矩一样 有时我们需要遵守有时未必 但我要告诉你们 当我拿到你们老妈的号码 我立马打给了她 -Stan! -嘿伙计们 -Stan你不用上班? -今晚休息 -太棒了!咱们可以出去啦! -没错 不行我有约了 -可以走了吗宝贝? -走吧 搞什么... 等等你们俩不能留下来 跟我们一起约会吗? 没错这会很有趣的! 看我都在笑了! 这儿很有趣!你喜欢魔术吗? 伙计们我们该说再见了 我们曾在一起度过一个愉快的下午 这是我不会忘记的趣事 我不会忘了你们的 -你知道他们的名字吗? -不知道那高个是Ted吗? 不那是Marshall 他跟Lily结婚了 -好吧你喜欢吃鸡翅吗? -喜欢 第22集InMayof2009,Iwasonthevergeofscoring myfirstbigclientasanindependentarchitect. Iwaswillingtodo anythingtomakeithappen. Here'swhatwewant,son. It'srealsimple. We'reopeningarestaurantcalledRibTown andwewantittobeshapedlikeacowboyhat. Anything. Acowboyhat? That'sbrilliant.Iloveit! Imean,nothingsaysdeliciouslike theinsideofacowboyhat,right? Look,I'mtelling you--I'myourguy. I -IthinkIwasborntodesignthisbuilding.Ijust... Iseeit. Idon'tseeit.Idon't seeit.Idon'tseeit. What'ssogoodaboutit? Upallnight? ItoldtheseguysIhave avisionforthisthing. Theywanttoseeapitch inaweekandIgotnothing. It'scute. -Cute? -Yeah. Robin,Icouldbedesigning concerthallsandbridges. Bridgessobeautiful theycouldbeinmuseums. AndIcoulddesignthosemuseums. ButwhatamIdesigninginstead? Whathasmycareercometo? Atwo-storyStetsonwith outdoordingonthebrim. It'sasickcosmicjoke. Theuniverseisconspiringagainstme. Youjustneedtogetoutofthe house.Takeawalk.Getabagel. Yeah.Yeah,that'llsolveeverything. Ihaven'tsleptfor34hours, butabagelistheanswer. Acinnamonraisinbagel withalittlecreamcheese. Actually,thatsoundspretty good--I'mgoingtogetabagel. Oh,uh,bringanumbrella. It'ssupposedtorain,according toGaloshes,ourweatherclown. Yourshowhasaclown whodoestheweather? That'salittlecheesy,don'tyouthink? Yeah,andwhat'sthatrestaurant you'redesigningshapedlike,Hoss? Fine.Youwantmeoutofthe house,I'llgetoutofthehouse. Can'twaittoseewhattheuniverse haslinedupformeoutthere. Kids,I'vebeentellingyouthe storyofhowImetyourmother. Andwhilethere'smanythingstolearn fromthisstory,thismaybethebiggest. Thegreatmomentsofyourlifewon't necessarilybethethingsyoudo. They'llalsobethe thingsthathappentoyou. Now,I'mnotsayingyoucan'ttakeaction toaffecttheoutcomeofyourlife. Youhavetotakeaction,andyouwill. Butneverforgetthat,onanyday, youcouldstepoutthefrontdoorand yourwholelifecanchangeforever. Yousee,theuniversehasaplan,kids, andthatplanisalwaysinmotion. Abutterflyflapsitswings... anditstartstorain. It'sascarythought.But it'salsokindofwonderful. Alltheselittlepartsofthe machineconstantlyworking, makingsurethatyouendup exactlywhereyou'resupposedtobe, exactlywhenyou're supposedtobethere. Therightplaceattherighttime. ***lethatIendedup onthatstreetcorner. especiallywhenyouconsiderhoweasy itwouldhavebeennottoendupthere. Imean,forinstance,whenIfirst steppedoutoftheapartment, Ialmostwentrightinsteadofleft. Whydidn'tIgoright? Well,toanswerthat,we havetogobackafewdays. Asyouknow,backthen,your AuntRobinhostedamorningshow. NowEuniceheremakesall ofthesepursesherself. They'rehandembroidered withtheworld'sfinestsilk. Andeachonetakesmonthstomake. Icannotemphasizehow muchworkgoesinto... Gotoweather,youidiot. Hey,everybody. Wegotahighpressuresystem cominginfromthewestand... Ontheplusside,Ibought thecutestpursetoday. So,wait,whydidyouthrowup? -Youdon'twanttoknow. -Comeon.Tellme. I'mpregnant. Iwillraisethischildwithyou. Youarenotaloneinthis. Wecanevengetmarriedifyouwant,but Istillwanttoseeothergirls, soitwouldhavetobeone ofthosekindsofmarriages. God,stopit.I'mnotpregnant. It'sfoodpoisoning.God. Iatesomethingfromthisplaceand,three hourslater,Iwasspewinglikeanopenhydrant. Fromwhere? Well,that'sagrossquestion. No,wherewasthefoodfrom? -Idon'twanttotellyou. -What? Ted,Ted,Ted!GotoYouTube. Putin"RobinScherbatskymorning showvomit"Oh,hey,Robin.Homesosoon. SomeonealreadyputitonYouTube? Yeah.Someone. So,uh...Whyyoubeen throwingup?Youpregnant? Yeah,Barney.I'mpregnant. So,wait,whywon'tyoutellme whereyougotfoodpoisoning? Youlovethisplace.IfI tellyou,it'lljustruinit. -Okay,thatmakessense. -Yeah. Don'ttellme. IsitthatIndianplacewhere thecatjumpsonallthetables? I'mnotsaying. ThatSpanishplacewiththebaby's cribinthemiddleoftherestaurant? I'mnotsaying. Oh,God,no.No,no,no.Isitthisplace? -Tellme,damnyou! -Fine.Youreallywanttoknow? Yes! -It'sSchlegel'sBagels. -No!Whydidyoutellmethat? Schlegel's?Thanksalot,Robin. NowI'mgoingtohavetotrytofind anotherplaceinNewYorkThatservesbagels. So,yousee,kids,ifIhadgonetoSchlegel's Bagelsasusual,Iwouldhavetakenaright. Iwouldhavegottenabagel... gonehome,workedontheoldhatbuilding, andyoukidsmightneverhavebeenborn. ButIturnedleftinstead,togotomy second-favoritebagelplacea