Unit3Theworldonline写作之读后续写课件高中英语译林版

Unit3

Theworldonline译林版2020必修第三册读后续写：与网络相关读话题写作文高一下

LearningobjectivesAttheendofclass,youwillbeableto：1.指导学生准确确定文本、时空、人物和事由；2.指导学生谋篇布局，故事情节衔接自然，叙事完整；3.指导学生遣词造句，言语得体。12技法点拨

目录CONTENTS

写作实践

技法点拨：

如何进行“动作+细节”描写01(1)用词精准化①Thelittleboysaidsorrytohismother.小男孩对他妈妈说对不起。②Thelittleboyhunghisheadandmumbledanapologytohismother.小男孩垂着头，咕哝着向他母亲道歉。【分析】第一句中“saidsorryto”不带任何感情色彩，而第二句中使用了具体化的表示“说”的动词“mumbled（咕哝）”，从而使一个不愿意道歉又不得不道歉的小男孩的形象生动地复现在读者脑海中。除了精准选用表示动作的词语外，还要给动词加上适当的修饰成分。适当的修饰语能细致地表达出动作的时间、幅度、速度、力度等，使人物形象更具活力，更好地体现人物的鲜明个性与思想境界。动作描写中，常用副词、介词短语等来充当修饰成分。1.动作描写技巧（2）动作过程化①Shewenttocatchthebutterfly.她去捉蝴蝶。②Shecreptalongthepath,bentoverswiftlyandcuppedherhandsaroundthebutterflygently.她蹑手蹑脚地走着小路，迅速弯下腰，轻轻地绕着蝴蝶。【分析】第①句在描写主人公捕捉蝴蝶的动作时，没有细节的动作描写，因此显得很平淡。而②句运用了creep（爬），bend（弯腰），cup（使成杯型）三个连贯的动词生动具体地描述了主人公小心翼翼捕捉蝴蝶的过程，具有极强的画面感。因此，在续写过程中，适当地使用一连串的动词来表示过程，能为文章增添不少色彩。1.动作描写技巧（3）语言修辞化①Theoldman’sfacewrinkled.老人的脸皱了起来。②Theoldman’sfacewrinkled,likeawitheredapple.老人的脸皱了起来，像一个干瘪的苹果。【分析】第②句使用了比喻，把“老人皱起来的脸”比作“一个干瘪的苹果”，使得脸上的动作描述更加生动形象。③Mystomachwasachingfornoteatingontime.我的胃因不按时吃饭而疼痛。④Mystomachwaspunishingmefornoteatingontime.我的胃在惩罚我没有按时吃东西。【分析】第②句使用了拟人，不说“疼痛”，而说“惩罚了我”，使表达更加生动有趣。1.动作描写技巧(1)“动作+神情”细节描写例1：Sheburiedherheadinherinthepillow/herhands,burstingintotears.她用枕头捂住脑袋/她双手掩面，放声哭了起来。例2：Sherestedherheadonfather’sshoulder,abigsmileonherface.她将头靠在爸爸肩上，脸上带着大大的微笑。例3：Thebrightsmilesweptawaythetirednessonmom’sface.灿烂的笑容把妈妈脸上的疲惫一扫而光。例4：Shelaughed,hereyesshining/sparking/sparkling/glistening/glowingwithexcitement.她笑了，眼里闪烁着兴奋的光芒。例5：Hestraightenedupandlookedatme,open-mouthed/withhismouthopeningwidely.他站起身来，目瞪口呆地看着我。2.细节描写技巧(2)“情绪+动作”细节描写例6：Shecouldn’tcontainherexcitement,jumpingupanddownwithjoy.她无法控制兴奋，高兴地上蹿下跳。例7：Herheartburstingwithjoy,shefeltasifshewasoncloudnine.她内心充满喜悦，感觉自己在天堂之上。例8：Hisheartracedwithfear,andhispalmsgrewwetwithsweat.他心中充满了恐惧，掌心冒汗。例9：Herbodytrembledwithfear,andshecouldn’tcatchherbreath.她吓得发抖，都快喘不过气了。例10：Hisfacetwistedwithrage;hisvoiceshookwithanger.他的脸因愤怒而扭曲，声音因怒气而颤抖。2.细节描写技巧（3）“心理活动”细节描写例11：Colourrushed/flooded/rosetohercheekswhensherealizedshewasbeingwatched.意识到有人在看她，她顿时涨红了脸。例12：Afterwards,Ipretendedtobecheerful,butLucysensedsomethingwaswrong.后来，我假装开心，但是露西感觉到了异样。2.细节描写技巧写作实践：

网络相关读后续写02阅读下面材料，根据其内容和所给段落开头语续写两段，使之构成一篇完整的短文。

Afewweeksafterthestartoftheschoolyear,MellonoticedthathisfriendMelvinwasbeinglaughedatbyotherclassmatesforthefactthathisshoeswerewornout(破旧的).Mellocouldn’tstandseeinghisfriendbeingbullied(欺凌).Hereallydidn’tappreciateotherpeopletalkingabouthimthatway.Infact,hehadbeenbulliedbecausehewasshort,sohedecidedtocallhismotherimmediatelyafterschool.Hetoldherthathewastiredofthisbadsituationandthathecouldn’tstandanyonelaughingathisfriend.So,inanactofgenerosity,MellosuggestedthatheusehispocketmoneytobuyMelvinanewpairofshoes.HealsosaidthathecoulddowithoutaNewYeargift.Seeingthelittleboyactedasanadult,themotherwasdeeplytouchedandagreedtohisrequest.Afterbuyingthem,Mellowenttobedearlierthanusual,sohecouldwakeupearlythenextdayandgotoschoolalittleearlier.Thiswayhecoulddelivertheshoestohisfriendwithoutbeingnoticedbyotherclassmates.However,shortlyafterhegavetheshoestohisfriend,theheadmaster,BryantBrown,calledhimintohisoffice.MrBrowntoldhimthathehadseenMelvinwithashoeboxaroundtheschool.WhenheaskedMelvinwhatwasinthebox,Melvinshowedhimthatitwasanewpairofshoes.MelvinexplainedthatitwashisfriendMellowhohadboughtthemforhim.MelloexplainedtoMrBrownthatheboughtthemwithhispocketmoney.MrBrownwantedtosharethistouchingmomentwithmorepeople,andthenhetookapictureoftheshoes.典例赏析注意：1.续写词数应为150左右；2.请按如下格式在答题卡的相应位置作答。Para.1:MrBrownaskedthechildren’sparentsforpermission(许可)tosharethestoryonline.____________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________Para.2:MrBrownwasamazedtoseehispostgetsomanylikes.____________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________22第一步：读透文本1.主题分析本文讲述了新学年开始几个星期后，Mello注意到他的朋友Melvin因为鞋子穿破了而被其他同学嘲笑。于是Mello给朋友买了一双新鞋，这一举动被校长发现了，校长请求孩子们的父母允许他在网上分享这个故事。这篇帖子很快就得到了很多赞，被分享了很多次，也收到了很多评论，孩子和父母都被打动了。2.情节梳理：故事要素即故事的人物、时间、地点、事件的起因、经过和结果，也就是我们常说的“5W1H”。要

素内容whenAfewweeksafterthestartoftheschoolyearwhereAtschoolwhoMelvin,MrBrownandMelloWhatMelloboughtMelvinnewshoeswithhispocketmoney.WhyThestudentslaughedatMelvinforhisworn-outshoes.How?22第二步：构建情节1.构思续写两段情节①根据第一段首句内容“MrBrownaskedthechildren’sparentsforpermissiontosharethestoryonline（布朗请求孩子们的父母允许他在网上分享这个故事）.”可知，第一段可描写故事分享以后得到了很多点赞，被分享了很多次，也收到了很多评论。第一段具体情节预设如下：衔接句:HowdidMrBrownfeel?微场景1:WhatdidMrBrowndo?微场景2:What’stheresult?段尾句:HowtoendPara.ltoensurethecoherencewithPara.2?思路点拨②由第二段首句内容“MrBrownwasamazedtoseehispostgetsomanylikes（布朗先生看到他的帖子得到这么多人的点赞，感到很惊讶）.”可知，第二段可描写校长的感悟以及孩子和父母都被打动了。第一段具体情节预设如下：衔接句:HowdidMrBrownreact?微场景:Howdidotherpeoplereact?段尾句:What’stheendofthestory?2.续写线索：请求分享——帖子反响巨大——校长惊讶——校长感悟——孩子和父母感悟注：续写中，我们可以进行一些具体的“动作+神情”细节描写，如第一段布朗得到孩子们父母允许分享故事后，可以把他的内心感受、表现出来的神态、以及所做的动作结合在一些进行描写等。思路点拨点1：位于续写第一段段首，流畅衔接前面的记叙文和第一段段首语；点2：位于续写第一段段尾，流畅衔接第二段段首句；点3：位于续写第二段段首，续写衔接第二段段首语；点4：文章结尾升华，给予读者正能量，揭示和强调主题。情节构建的重点2022第三步：巧用话题词汇、句式完成句子1.MystudentMellotoldme_________________________________________________(他厌倦了其他学生嘲笑梅尔文的鞋子).MellousedhispocketmoneyandboughtMelvinnewshoes.2.Thepostquicklygotmanylikes,__________________________________________________(被分享了很多次，也收到了很多评论).3.Netizens_________________________________________(被他们纯洁美好的友谊打动).4.Hestated________________________________________(这是他一生中从未见过的一种善意的举动),especiallywhenithappenedathisschool.完成句子hewastiredofotherstudentslaughingatMelvinforhisshoeswassharedlotsoftimesandreceivedplentyofcommentswereimpressedbythepurityandbeautyoftheirfriendshipthatitwastrulyakindgesturehehadneverseeninhislife5.HewaslostforwordsbecauseMello’smotivationwas____________________________________________(我们希望别人怎样对待我们，我们就应该怎样对待别人).6.Hepromisedtoengagechildrenbeyondtheclassroomand____________________________(让快乐成为学习的重要组成部分).7.Thechildren’sfamilies____________________________________________________(都对这个感人故事的反响印象深刻).完成句子thatweshouldalwaystreatpeoplethewaywewanttobetreatedmakejoyanessentialpartoflearningwereallimpressedbytheresponsestothetouchingstoryMrBrownaskedthechildren’sparentsforpermissiontosharethestoryonline.Whentheysaidyes,hefeltexcitedandpostedit,withthemessage“MystudentMellotoldmehewastiredofotherstudentslaughingatMelvinforhisshoes(衔接句；“情绪+动作”细节描写）.MellousedhispocketmoneyandboughtMelvinnewshoes（动作过程化）.ThisiswhatIlivefor—tobethathelpinghand.”Thepostquicklywentviralgotmanylikes,wassharedlotsoftimesandreceivedplentyofcomments(衔接句）.MrBrownwasamazedtoseehispostgetsomanylikes.Hestatedthatitwastrulyakindgesturehehadneverseeninhislife(衔接句）.Hewaslostforwordsespeciallywhenithappenedathisschool(when引导的时间状语从句).Mellosummeduphismotivationonthepost,“Youshouldalwaystreatpeoplethewayyouwanttobetreated.”Theschool,MrBrown,andthechildren'sfamilieswereallimpressedbytheresponsetotheirtouchingstory.Togethertheyintendedfortheschooltodelightchildrenbeyondtheclassroom,believingjoyisanessentialpartoflearning(结尾句).佳作展现Attheendofthelesson,Iamableto：12345planthelayoutofthestory(theplotisnatural,andthenarrativeisgood)useappropriatewordsandsentencestoexpresswhatIwanttowriteancontinuationwritingproperly.自我评价阅读下面材料，根据其内容和所给段落开头语续写两段，使之构成一篇完整的短文。

IcouldfeeltheexcitementrisinginmeasIheldthebeautifullywrappedpresentinmyhands.Ifeltthestringofthepackagesoftlyandthen,unabletocontainmycuriosityanylonger,Itoreitopen.Itwasabright,brand-newlaptop.IhadscoredstraightA’sasformyO-levelexaminationandthiswasmyreward.Ihadalwaysenviedmyfriendswhowereexchangingnewsabout“chatrooms”,“instantmessaging”and“e-mailing’,allofwhichIknewnothingabout.NowIwasgoingtofindout.Itstartedoutsimplyenough.IwassearchingforsomeinformationonlinewhenIcameacrossasocialnetworkingsite.SoonIbecameattractedtomynew-foundelectronicfriend.IbegantospendmoreandmoretimeonYouTubeandbecameaddictedtoFacebookandTwitter.IhadneverimaginedthatthedaywouldcomewhenIwouldbecontrolledentirelybytheglowingscreenbeforeme.WheneverIwasnotgluedtothesesocialnetworkingsites,Iwouldbegoingthroughgossiporfashionwebsites.Astimepassed,IrealizedthatIwasaddictedtotheInternet.Duringweekends,whenIhadmoretimeonmyhands,Icouldeasilyspendafewhoursonmylaptop.ItcametoapointwhereIchosetolockmyselfinmyroom,refusingtocomeoutandtakepartinfamilydiscussions.IpreferredtostayconnectedtothepeopleImadefriendswithontheInternetalthoughIhadnevermetthem.SoonIwasspendingthewholehoursofthemorningsurfingontheInternet.Sleepwasreducedtosmallnapsandmygradesatschoolalsobegangettingfrombadtoworse.实战演练注意：1.续写词数应为150左右；2.请按如下格式在答题卡的相应位置作答。Para1:Itwasaboutthistimethatmyparentsnoticedmychange.______________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________Para2