广东省广州市一模读后续写和谐宿舍讲评课件

26年广州一模读后续写讲评Contents14-15？Why?20-21！How?Whattodo?Doitnow!内容词汇语法篇章结构评分标准---三个维度-情节合理、续写完整、契合原文-准确性、恰当性、多样性-上下文衔接、全文连贯

14-15？Why?PARTONE卷面：内容&篇章：第一段underAndy’sguidance,threwthegarbagemeticulously,cleanedupthepollutedfloor,copedwiththemountainouswastes勉强达标

messyroom-agorgeousface没有衔接第二段Andypatientlymadethedetailedrules没有具体的细节语言：Ericfeltasifarayofsunshonehim,drivingawayallthefrustrationandhopelessness.Without....wouldn’thavelearned...;...waslikeaneverlastingflower,bloomingintheriverofEric’smemories主题：Afriendinneedisafriendindeed.1卷面：内容&篇章：：第一段

flodeduptheclothes...,collected...,andtidyedthemessybed...,eventuallyhadthetidyingdoneGoodjob!...没有衔接第二段

suggestionsforregulartidying,printout...andstickeditto...缺乏具体的细节

学生会检查，把罚款取消了语言：请帮忙改错

主题：Cooperationcomesthefirst.2spellingmistakespasttenseprep.介词article.冠词capitalletters大小写noun.名词单复数用词不当timely垂悬修饰语接排句句子结构卷面：内容&篇章：：第一段pickuppizzaboxes,tookoutthegarbageintheoverflowedwastebin&threw...away,laidthebeds.Butwhentheymentionedthewarning,theairwasfrozeninsilence.衔接流畅自然第二段

I’llthrow...onWed,youtaketheresponsibilityfor...Whoresultsinthewarning,whopaysforthefine

具体的细节语言：Hemadeitsocleanthatitcouldmirrortheoutsidesceneries.ItwasatthatmomentthatAndyrealizedthat...主题：Bestfriendshipdidn’tcomefromsharedhappiness,butfromeachtimestoleratingeachother’sdisadvantages.3内容&篇章词汇语法书写Summary:14-15-情节不合理、没抓住段落重点、主题偏题、比例失衡、缺乏自然的衔接和连贯-漏洞百出（过去式、拼写、常见句型句子结构）-潦草、不整齐、难以辨认

PARTTWO20-21！How?卷面：可以更加整洁内容&篇章：：第一段

打扫的步骤清晰，既有过程的细节，又有结果的描述。对Eric复杂矛盾的心情描写真实(notdelighted,guilty,quietly...)，过渡衔接自然流畅。第二段

对于rules具体细节的讨论到位，既强调和谐共处又尊重个性，凸显合作、协调和友谊的重要。语言：nosooner...than...,动作链，itwas...that...;情绪描写自然到位；分词；从句注意细节：搭配dividetask、介词(lookat)、inturns,it(bags)表达更得体流畅主题：Learntocompromise,cooperation,cherishthefriendship4卷面：工整，尽量少涂改内容&篇章：：第一段

步骤清晰，分工明确thefirststep...,After...theybegan...,Ultimately...Erictooktheresponsibilityfor...whileAndydealtwith...情节设计突出了Andy的友善帮助和Eric的改过自新，与人物性格匹配。过渡衔接稍显不足。第二段

对于rules的讨论生动，不死板，有共性和包容，体现出teenager的性格特征，适当加入语言描写有画面感。呼应前文calm&control,neatness语言：描写灵活生动，用词丰富准确，画面感强。hatcharationalplan,engulf,但sharedmouth表达有误withonevoice主题：Toleranceisnotthekeytosolvingproblems,butcommunication5PARTTHREEWhattodo?内容&篇章结构：情节合理、续写完整、契合原文-第一段：共同清理

cleanittogether-第二段：建立规则

setrules-合理性：personalities（Eric主动积极、Andy隐忍善良）、

两

人的友谊基础-创新性：规则的制定既体现公平又富有人情味、尊重个性？衔接、连贯:-是否自然衔接所给段首句？-是否与前文关键线索自然衔接？（Andy长期隐忍、Eric愧疚、两人友谊基础深厚）主题升华

?Afriendinneedisafriendindeed.?Bestfriendshipdidn’tcomefromsharedhappiness,butfromtoleratingeachother’sdisadvantages.?Cooperationcomesthefirst.Learntocompromise,cooperation,cherishthefriendshipToleranceisnotthekeytosolvingproblems,butcommunication主题升华

-善意需要边界(setaclearboundary)-真正的友谊需要坦诚的建设性的沟通

(open,effective,andconstructivecommunication)-冲突可以转化成关系深化的契机

(conflict/fine/punishment---chance/strongerbond)词汇语法、句型结构Dothecleaning-uptogether:拿起清洁工具grabcleaningtools叠好衣服foldtheclothes清理零食袋clearawaythesnackbags轮流倒满溢的垃圾桶taketurnstoemptytheoverflowingdustbin收拾脏乱的宿舍

tidyupthemessydorm主动承担拖地的累活offertodothetiringmoppingwork整理宿舍公共区域tidyupthepublicarea摆放好零散物品putawayscattereditemsSetrules:整理个人区域、各自负责自己区域的整洁tidyupone’spersonalareasberesponsibleforthetidinessofone’sownarea禁止在个人区域随意堆放衣物、零食袋等杂物

be

forbiddentopileupclothes,snackbags&otheritems有序摆放物品placeallitemsinorder无垃圾堆积nogarbageaccumulates轮流打扫公共区域

taketurnstocleanpublicarea/...inturn保持各自与公共区域的边界清晰setaclearboundarybetweenpersonalandpublicareasEmotionalexpressions满脸沮丧,满心愧疚,尴尬不安feelfrustrated,guilty,awkward,embarrassed沉默不语keepsilent宿舍气氛紧张沉闷tense&heavyatmosphereenvelopsthedorm负面情绪慢慢缓解

relievenegativeemotions愧疚/沮丧慢慢消散(guilt/depression)fadeaway/disappear/vanishbitbybit松了一口气

letoutasighofrelief轻轻哼起了小曲humasongtohimself沉闷的气氛一扫而空theheavymoodlifts/lightens相视一笑

smile/grinateachother脸上露出了淡淡的笑容

afaintsmileappearsonone'sface句型结构(巧借美句)广州一模C篇Weactuallyhavetoseethislessasaproblemandmoreasanopportunity.仿写：(如何看待罚款？)Wecouldseethisfinelessasapunishmentandmoreasanopportunitytobetterourselvesandformastrongerbondbetweeneachother.句型结构广东一模B篇Isawprocrastinationdifferently.Itwasnevermerelydelay.Itwasaquietdialoguebetweenthepartofmethatwantstotryandthepartthatfearsthefall.仿写：（如何描写Eric复杂的心情，既想道歉，又羞于说出口）Therewasaquietdialogueinhisinnerheartbetweenthepartofhimthatwantedtomakeasincereapologyandthepartthatfearedtospeakout.句型结构广东一模B篇Isawprocrastinationdifferently.

Itwasnevermerelydelay.Itwasaquietdialoguebetweenthepartofmethatwantstotryandthepartthatfearsthefall.仿写：（如何看待友谊和人际关系）Isawfriendshipandinterpersonalrelationshipdifferently.

Itwasnevermerelytoleratingeachothertoreachacompromise.Itwasbridgingthegaptoformastrongerbondthroughopen,effective,andconstructivecommunication.句型结构情绪名词1+gavewayto+情绪名词2So+情绪adj.+wassb(倒装)+that+从句Muchtoone's+情绪n.,sbdidsthHavingdonesth,sbdidsthonly+副词/介词短语/状语从句

放在句首构成的部分倒装句Nosooner…than…/Hardly…when…一.......就......(部分倒装)Itwasnotuntil...thatsbrecognized/realizedthat...Notuntil...diditdawnonhimthat...Hadsbnotdonesth,sbwouldn’thavedonesth.Timehavingpassedby,thememoriesof...stillstuckinhismind,remindinghimofsth/todosth/that....续写点(前后呼应)perfectlyorganized,calmandcontrolahappymessclothespiledonthechair,emprysnackbags,wastebinoverflowedsigh,quietlytakeoutthegarbageasmallprice---abigmistake,“avoidtrouble”planthepileofpizzaboxesinthecornerguiltwashedoverhisface“It’sokay”,Andysaidquitely,“butlet’scleanittogethernow.”Tornbyguilt,embarrassment,andconfusion,Ericwasrootedtotheground,unabletoutterawor