2008届增城中学调研考试优秀作文选录.doc

2008届增城中学调研考试优秀作文选录第一部分：基础写作 1. Zhang Chunguang, aged 48, is not only an advanced man teacher, but also the students true friend. He has devotes all his life to teaching and is nice to his students. So he was awarded as an advanced teacher in Zengcheng in 2003 and then he achieved the same honor in Guangzhou in 2006. He has published 86 essays and written 3 books since he started to teach 28 years ago. We all hope that he will be one of the hundred advanced teachers in our country. 增城中学 高三(13)班 何润华 2. Zhang Chunguang, who is a forty-eight year- old man teacher, has taught English for 28 years. Due to his devotion to the education and being friendly to his students , he is an advanced teacher as well as a nice friend of the students;. Besides, he was chosen as an advanced teacher in Zeng cheng in 2004 and an advanced teacher in Guangzhou in 2006. In these 28 years , he has made great achievements, for he has published 3 books and published 86 articles. We all hope he will be one of the 100 advanced English teachers in the country. 增城中学 高三(13)班 邓嘉敏3. Zhang Chunguang, who is 48, has taught for 28 years. He is an excellent male teacher because he has devoted himself to teaching and is kind to his students. Besides he is a good friend of his students(students). In the past 28 years, he has written 3 books, published 86 passages(articles) and was elected(honoured/awarded) to be Zengcheng advanced teacher in 2003 and Guangzhou advanced teacher in 2006. He has made great achievements. So we hope that he will be elected(honoured/awarded) to be one of the one hundred advanced English teachers in our country. 增城中学 高三(13)班 湛施萍 4. Zhang chunguang, 48, is an outstanding teacher who has taught for 28 years. Kind and responsible, Zhang is a remarkable teacher who is also the students sincere friend. Whats more, he was awarded as the Zengcheng advanced teacher in 2003 and the Guangzhou advanced teacher in 2006. During the past 28 years, he has achieved a lot , such as (including) having written three books and 86 articles. I hope that with all these wonderful achievements, he could be awarded as (one of )Chinas one hundred advanced English teachers. 增城中学 高三(19)班 曾彩燕本文得分14分; 要点齐全，语言简炼, 表达准确, 高级表达的运用恰到好处.点评: 李 洁5. Our teacher, Zhang Chunguang is 48-year old.(1) Hes so kind and hard-working that he is not only an outstanding teacher but also a friend of us. Being a teacher for 28 years, he has made great achievements. For example, he was regarded as a good teacher of Zengcheng in 2003 and a good teacher of Guangzhou in 2006 and he has written 3 books and 86 thesises.（2）He is so successful that we all hope he can become one of the 100 advanced teachers of the country. 增城中学 高三（）班李银兴本文得分分; 要点齐全，信息组合恰当，书写漂亮；行文流畅，使用了多样化的短语和句子结构，如：regardas , make great achievements, one of the +名词（复数）, so that, not only but also, hope that, Being a teacher非谓语结构；恰当地运用了一些连接词：For example，and等。画线的部分（）应该为句子48-year-old（2）应该为he has written 3 books and published 86 theses (essays)。点评:周洁 第二部分：读写任务1. Care about the oldThe passage tells us a story about an old man who went to live with his sons family and was treated rudely. But his son changed attitude because of his grandsons words.After reading the passage, I have thought much. It reminds me of my grandfather. My grandfather lives in the countryside. As a farmer, he has few opportunities to enjoy his life. Although living with my uncle, he is often alone for my uncle has to work. Knowing the situation, my parents always invite him to come to my home or go to travel with us to relax himself. He is always happy to stay in my home for a week or more. Thus, he enjoy a happy old life.Caring about the old is the great tradition in China. The old have devoted their whole lives to building our country. They have contributed a lot. Its the time for us young people to showed our respect and love to them. It is our responsibilities to care about the old. Love your old and respect them in daily life. 增城中学 高三（1）班 李宗耿 (22)该文较好地完成了读写任务。概括简要，作文中运用了非谓语以及从句等结构，句式较丰富，表达基本无误(showed 应该为show，可能是笔误)。本文得分为22分。 点评：黄梅珍2. Caring the oldThe story tells us that an old man was treated badly by his son and daughter-in-law. Thanks to his grandsons clever idea, the old man was finally taken good care of.As for myself, I think I have been doing quite well in caring the old. I have an 86-year-old grandfather. He is still energetic despite his age. He is the chairman of the Overseas Association in our city. What he likes best is telling his stories. When I am free, I often talk to him and listen to him telling the stories of the war against Japanese, which delights him and prevents him from feeling alone. I care my grandfather as well as the other senior. I regularly go to the Family of the Old to visit the senior there. I find it significant and wonderful.As a matter of fact, since the old contributed so much to the society when they were young, why dont we let them enjoy themselves for the rest of their life? In a word, the old are bound to receive more care and help from the society and, the most important, form their family. 增城中学 高三（2）班 吴海鹏 该文很好地完成了写作任务。语言流畅，表达准确多样，词汇丰富，能用上较复杂的结构，文章过渡自然。标题Caring the old应改为Caring for the old.本文得分22分。 点评：黄梅珍3. The article tells a story that a man treated his father badly while his son made a bowl for their parents in order to change their attitude towards the old.As far as Im concerned, we cant emphasize the significance of taking good care of the old too much. As my grandfather as well as grandmother is living with me, I never fail to give them the best I have such as fruit, sugar, food and so on. Whats more, I always talk with them and play games with them since I think they may be lonely because they usually stay at home alone. By the way, I would go for a walk with them after supper and then we watch TV together enjoying ourselves.The treatment to the old should cause wide public concern in my eye. The old had brought us up and educated us. One could not live without them. It follows that we ought to spare no effort to take good care of them in return.In a very real sense, therefore, taking good care of the old is a must for us. 增城中学高三(1)班 赖科旭 本文得分23分。该文整体表达不错，文段的结构较合理。能用上一些较高级的表达：如“we cant emphasize the significance of taking good care of the old too much”、“spare no effort to take good care of them in return”等。不足之处是概括部分未能很到点地概括全文情节。另外，作为议论文，最好加上标题。 点评：黄梅珍4.Care about the oldThe passage mainly tells us a story of a family with an old grandfather. The old man was too old to control himself and made some mistakes so he was forced to eat alone. After seeing what their son did, the couple realized their mistakes and changed their attitude toward the old man. Personally, I think the old should be taken good care of. I respect the old and I care about them. For example, every weekend when I get home, I will sit beside my grandparent and chat with them. We enjoy the moment when we are together. And when meeting and old man in a full bus, I will stand up and let him sit on my seat. Though all these things seem to be small, they contain my love and respect to the old. The old have devoted all their live to the creation of our happiness, they ought to be respected and cared for, right? Although they are too old to do things now, maybe they carry troubles sometimes. We should show our love to warm their hearts. Dont forget an important thing that we will be like them one day. What kind of treatment do you want by then when you are old?In a word, the old should be looked after with our love. Let them enjoy the warmth of the world. We should share the duty to do it. 增城中学 高三(14)班 温晓迪本文得分23分1. 审题到位，中心突出。结构清晰，层次分明。第一段概述summary; 第二段举例说明自己平时是如何关爱老人；第三段就老年人应该得到的待遇发表看法及理由；第四段再次强化自己的观点。2. 语言表达清晰，流畅; 个别地方用词不很准确。把carry 该为bring，效果会更好。点评：陈亚丽5. Give love to the oldThe passage narrates that an old man ate alone and was served in a wooden bowl because his behavior made his son angry. And the grandson made wooden bowls for his parents, which let the son regret about what he did to his father. I cant agree with more with the idea that we should concern about the old. As we all know, when the old was young, they gave their love to us and its our duty to give our love to them in return. Let me take myself as an example. When I was a child, my grandfather often looked after me and taught me how to be successful. Now he is old but I often go to his house to talk with him about my study and life, which makes him very happy. Only giving money to the old to support their lives in not a good way to treat them. What they need is not money but love and respect. We can meet their needs easily by talking with them, giving them a call, asking them to put on more clothes and so on. All in all, we should try our best to make the old feel warm and happy. And the society will become more and harmonious. 增城中学 高三(14)班 陆荔青本文得分22分1 审题到位，中心明确。基本能按写作要求。只是把两要点的内容交叉滲透进行行文。 2 语言表达清晰，流畅，过渡自然，使用了一些高级结构。3 不足之处：段落划分过细，文章过长。 点评：陈亚丽6. Please love the elders The story tells that the couple treated their old father badly and they changed their wrong behavior finally after discovering that their son had decided to follow the same way . The behaviors of the couple in the story should be strongly criticized. When the elders were young, they had contributed a lot to their family and the whole society. How could we be so thankless? How could we forget the great care and love they have ever given to us? By moral, we should respect the elders and take good care of them. For they are getting older and older, not being in very good conditions.Some people may think that money is happiness. So they give lots of money to his old parents regularly, leaving them alone at home. In my opinion, his thought is terribly wrong. Money cant talk. What the old people need, in deed, is the care and love from their family. As for me , I often have a chat with my grandfathers (grandparents)about my daily life, study, problem., etc. They are always interested in everything about me. And I often help them do some cleaning at weekends. When I see the big smile on their face, I am happy too. “ we shall be thankful persons all the time.” the teachers words have been in my mind all the time. 增城中学 高三(14)班 张欣欣本文得分22分; 基本能按读写任务要求写作，行文流畅，句式变化多。 summary概括简练。点评：陈亚丽7.To love the old more The story tells us that the grandfather was treated badly by his son and daughter. Finally they changed their attitude when they saw their son was preparing a wooden bowl for them when they grew old.(36words) We cant treat the old like the couple in the story. Instead we should respect them and love them more. The old are respectable because they made great contributions to their families and to the society as well whey they were young. But when they are old，they are in poor health and bad mental conditions. We, as the younger generation, should pay more attention to them and give them our care and love. For fear of being lonely, the old need our company. We ought to satisfy them both mentally and physically. In my family, my grandfather is living with us. Every day, we eat together and share our happiness together. I would like to take a walk with him after dinner, talking about my study and his rich experience. That makes him feel pleased. Love is simple. Love is a cup of tea when the old need it. Love is a word that shows your care. Why dont we love the old more? (163words) 增城中学 高三(14)班赖锦秀本文得分22分；能按读写任务要求写作，summary部分概括很好。点评：陈亚丽8. Please love the oldIn the passage, the author tells a story about the old man who was treated badly first and he was well treated eventually again because of the sons imitation of their behavior. (32words) In my life, I love my grandma very much. I often talk a lot about my interesting school life to my grandma. Also I am patient to listen to what my grandma tells to me about her hard life in the past. The most favorite thing I love to do is shopping in the market with my grandma. And I usually help my grandma clean her house. In my opinion, the old should be well treated. Because we wont live in such a happy life without their hard work and contribution in the past. So, it is very important to treat the old well. Please try your best to make the old live in a satisfactory life and please love them! (122 words) 增城中学 高三(13)班 谢小杰本文得分21分；基本能按读写任务要求写作，行文流畅。summary概括简练。 点评: 陈亚丽 9.The old should be treated with loveThe story tells us that an old man living with his son is treated badly at first. But then, the grandsons imitating action strike the parents deeply, which made them treat the old man with love.I know that the author wants to tell us the importance of respecting the old, which I cant agree more. As for me, I think highly of loving and respecting the old because they have devoted their whole life to us. So I often go back home to see my grandparents and help them as good(much) as I can. Besides, I help them do some housework and talk with them no matter how busy I am. Maybe something that looks simple to you means a lot to them. Believing in this, I often do as (all) I can (do) for them, which looks really simple.As is stated, devoting all their life to us, the old are really worth being treated with love. They neednt much, just hoping that they can live with their children or grandchildren happily. So why not just do this simple things to them? 增城中学 高三(19)班 曾彩燕本文得分21分1. summary部分概括精炼，要点齐全；2. 行文流畅，过渡自然； 用了“as for me, as is stated.衔接上下文；3. 语言功底扎实；能使用非谓语动词，定语从句等较复杂的语法结构；如：”Believing in this, I often do all I can”4. 可惜举例不够充分点评: 李 洁 10Caring for the old The passage mainly tells a story about an old man who was told to have dinners alone because he made some mistakes at the table. But at last he was respected and cared for by his son and daughter-in-law because they were given a lesson by their son.In my opinion, we should care for the old from our hearts. As to me, I love my grandparents a lot. I often go to my grandparents house every week to have a meal with them and help them clean their house. I always buy them a lot of food when I go to see them. Further more, when I am with them, we enjoy chatting with each other. All in all, I think that the old should be treated politely and taken care of by the young. Because they have devoted most of their life to the development of the society when they were young. And now its our turn to look after them. 增城中学 高三(19)班 刘允豪本文得分20分1语言表达自然, 结构清晰。第一段summary; 第二段举例说明作者平时是如何关爱老人；第三段作者就老年人应该得到的待遇发表看法及理由。2事例充分，观点鲜明; 第二段描述了作者关心老人的点点滴滴；第三段的观点虽简短，却能切中要点。3但summary部分概括有点罗嗦，今后要加强这方面的训练。点评: 李 洁11Care about the Elderly MoreThe passage tells us that a couple treated their father badly at the beginning but learnt to care about him more finally because of the same behavior that their son imitated to perform to them.When it comes to this tradition and moral matter, I suggest that the whole society should spare no efforts to care about our grandparents more. They are the persons who have brought us up to the stage at which we can live independently. In return, we all should treat them heart and soul. Take my family as an example, my parents and I always respect my grandparents and never speak loudly to them. In my spare time, Ill help to clean my grandparents houses as well as listen patiently when they are talking about their recent life. Every time I am doing these, happy smiles always spread on their faces. Im firmly convinced that our grandparents should receive more sincere care from their next generations. And society should also offer more assistance to the old men who have no sons or daughters. Our grandparents are just like big children who can be easily satisfied if much love and warmth can always be around them .Each of us should always bear it in mind: to care about the elder more - thats the compulsory responsibility of our moral human beings. 增城中学 高三（9）班 罗宇婷本文得分22分审题正确。summary部分概括较好。语言驾驭能力强；能使用高级词汇和复杂结构。但文章的层次性有待改进。（第二部分最好能分段）。点评: 庄 健12.Care about the oldIts about an old man who was forced to eat alone by his son and daughter-in-law. At last, the couple realized their fault so they had meals together with the helf of his grandson. Personally, we should care about the old. Take me as an example. Every times as soon as I get home, I go to my grandmothers and share with her about what I experienced in school. Sometimes Ill cook for her and eat with her. From her smiles I can tell that even such simple things can make her happy!To the old, happiness is really s