电影《道菲尔太太》的英文台词.doc

Mrs Doubtfire scriptSalutations, snack. On second thought. 9-1-1! Police! Civic authorities! ASPCA! ASAP! Murder! Betrayal! Kidnapped! No, birdnapped! A cup of garlic, a twist of parakeet. Eat your heart out, Julia Child. Excuse me, but isnt it customary for the jailbird to get one telephone call? In your case, I think not. Afternoon snacks have few civil liberties. But Im not wholly without heart. How about a nice soothing cigarette? Oh, I will not do this. I cannot! Oh, what a foul way for a bird to die! I dont want to get beak cancer. No! My lungs are blackened! Here we go again. Cut, cut, cut! Roll it back. - Help me. - What are you doing? Daniel. That line is not in the script. Why did you add it? - I wanted to comment on the situation. - What situation? Shoving a cigarette into Pudgies mouth is morally irresponsible. This is a cartoon, not a friggin Oprah Winfrey Special. Lou, millions of kids see this cartoon. Its like telling them Light up. You cant put words in Pudgies mouth if his mouth isnt moving. Its voice-over. An interior monologue. Maybe even the voice of God. Pudgie, dont smoke. - Actors. - What? Lets ask the technicians. Do you think its morally right to promote smoking to the youth of America? - Theyre biased. Thats a mistrial. - This session costs the studio thousands. If you want a paycheck, stick to the script. If you want to play Gandhi, then do it on somebody elses time. Then Ive got to do what Ive got to do. Thats very funny. Where the hell are you goin? If you leave, youre not comin back in. Im not takin any crap from you, pal. Well, in the words of Porky Pig: Piss off, Lou. - So what about that history test? - Dont ask. - Did you have fun in school? - I painted a picture of a rainbow. - Dad? - Daddy! Daddy! - I thought you couldnt pick us up. - Well, I got off early. - You mean you got fired? - No, I quit. For reasons of conscience. Actors. Dude, congratulations on your 12th birthday. Got a surprise for ya. - A stripper? - Ooh, please! - Two strippers? - Hoo-hah, boy! - A party? - Yes! No. No parties. Mom said you couldnt have one because of your report card. Moms not gonna be home for another four hours, is she? Prepare yourself. for the wild kingdom. Coming up toward the very end. There she goes. And she wins that race. Come on off now. Here we go. You want to feed him? See if this guy will. Sorry. Get out! - Gregory, Henderson and Hillard. - Miranda Hillard, please. I know what youre going for with these murals, but perhaps if they werent so large. And lets do steel windows, not wood. Eliminate the Oriental rug. Lets try an Aubusson carpet. - More pink than red. - Good idea. Union Square Inn. This is better. More Arts and Crafts. A Dirk Van Erp lamp, a Stickley chair. Dont be seduced by chintz. Excuse me. Miranda, can I speak to you for a minute? - Yes. Excuse me. - Certainly. Just be one minute. I just got off the phone with a Stuart Dunmeyer. - Stuart Dunmeyer? - He said you were acquaintances. Stuart Dunmeyer? Hes putting millions into restoring the old Wellman mansion on Nob Hill. - He wants to make it into a $500-a-night B&B. - Yes, I read about it. - Hes been doing very well. - Thats him. And he specifically asked for you, Miranda. He did? - I told him youd call first thing tomorrow. - Yes, I will. Miss Hillard? The operator has a Gloria Chaney on hold. - She says its an emergency. - Excuse me. Gloria? - Oh, my God! - Is this your residence, maam? Yes, Im sorry to say it is. Are you aware its illegal to possess barnyard animals in a residential area? - What if youre married to one? - Were also responding to a noise violation. Im going to respond myself. Im awfully sorry about this. You ate my begonias! God! Get out of my way! Miranda! Whassup? Youre home early, girlfriend. Havin a birthday in the house. What the hell is going on around here? Dont get mad, honey. Listen. Youre home a little early. I was gonna clean it all up before you got home. Honey. What are you looking for? Id be careful. That pony had a lot of water. Partys over. She called you and you bust the birthday party. Great! Dont you dare make me out to be the monster here, Daniel! You have all the fun and I get whatevers left over. - You chose the career. - I have no choices here. I have no choices! Even when I try to do something fun, you do it ten times bigger! I bring home a cake and gifts. You bring the goddamn San Diego Zoo! - And I have to clean up! - Its not toxic waste, just a few party plates! Why am I the only one that feels there has to be rules? Why do you always make me out to be the heavy? I dont. You do it yourself quite naturally. - You set me up every time to be the bad guy. - Oh, lighten up, will ya? You spend too much time with those corporate clones you used to despise. I spend too much time with you, Daniel. Its over! Its over. Come on, Miranda. Weve got problems, but who doesnt? We could work em out. Weve been trying to work them out for 14 years. Come on, please. Listen. Maybe we need some help, OK? Maybe a family therapist will help us do this together. Its too late for that. Well, lets take a vacation with the kids, as a family. Get you away from work. Youre a different person. You really are. Youre great. Our problems would be waiting for us when we got back. Well move, and hopefully our problems wont follow us. Daniel, please dontjoke. OK. Weve just grown apart. Were different. - We have nothing in common. - Oh, sure we do. We love each other. Come on, Miranda. We love each other. Dont we? I want a divorce. No. We cant. Were a family. You know? Im so sorry. Yeah, Ma, he told me all about it. Yeah, Ma. I heard, I heard. - Well, yeah, hes here. - No. Ma, hes not really in the mood to talk. Yeah, depressed. I mean, his marriage is ending. My marriage is not ending. Its just on hiatus. Ma, I think hes in a little bit of denial. No, were taking good care of your little boy. Dont worry, Mom. - Hi, Evelyn. Thanks for the jam. - She says youre welcome. That beige concealer. When are we gettin more of it? - Next week. - You hear that, Ma? Next week. Wait, hang on. - Enough already. Its a man. - How would you know? Bitch. No, Ma, not you. I was talkin about the dog. Ma, listen. We got people waitin for us on the set. Oh, yeah. Its a busy life, Ma. Places to go, faces to paint. Yeah, Ill tell him, Ma. Dont worry, Ill tell him. Yeah. Hold on, Ma. She wants to know if you want to come stay with her. - No way. - He says hell think about it, Ma. I will. All right. I love you, too. Bye, Ma. Hey, listen, you know you can always stay with us just as long as you want. Thank you, but Im OK, really. I mean, this is just a temporary thing. I know Miranda. Its gonna blow over. Mr and Mrs Hillard, although these custody proceedings tend to favor the mother, we also realize, perhaps now more than ever, that it is not in a childs best interest to deprive him or her of an obviously loving father. However, since at the present time Mr Hillard has no place to live and no employment, it is the courts ruling to award sole custody to Mrs Hillard. - Congratulations. - No. Mr Hillard will have visitation rights every Saturday. - Cant you do something? - Hes made his decision. Isnt it traditional to say I object or something? Your Honor, please. Every Saturday? Thats one day a week. Thats not enough. I have to be with my children. Its not a question. I have to be with them, sir. Please. I know it seems like a lot, but for me its not enough. Really. I havent been away from em for more than one day since the day they were born. - Mr Hillard, this ruling is only temporary. - Oh, good. I will assign a court liaison to oversee your case. There will be a continuance of these proceedings in 90 days. - Im giving you three months, Mr Hillard. - Thank you. Three months in which to get ajob, keep it and create a suitable home. If this proves to be a possibility for you, I will consider ajoint-custody arrangement when we reconvene. Were adjourned. Well, it looks like there is a little light at the end of our tunnel. - Thats all my stuff. - This is all my fault. God, no. Why would you think that? I should have never had a birthday, Dad. - This never would have happened. - Yes, it would. It was an accident waiting to happen, OK? You did nothing wrong. You got that? OK, gimme five. Youre the man of the house now. Dont be messy. - You cant go now. - Honey, I have to. Were in the middle of Charlottes Web. Whos gonna finish it? Well, Grandma will finish it for you. Shes not as good. She always skips parts, and she never does the voices. She smells funny, too. Thats the formaldehyde. Thats why Grannys so well preserved. Hey, come here. Its the same as always. We just have a really big backyard, OK? - I love you. - I love you. Ill miss you. Saturday comes real quick. - Ill miss you. - Ditto. Oh, Dad. - Take care of her. - OK. Goodbye. Thanks for the time, warden. Bye, Dad. As your court liaison, I will be looking at two things. - Your living environment. - Its more like a habitat, really. And I will be coming by on Monday and Friday evenings to inspect it. Well, Ill put on a chicken. And theres always the job issue. This is the nearest employment office. I took the liberty of making an appointment for you. - Thank you. - By the way, do you have any special skills? Oh, yes. I do. I do voices. What do you mean, you do voices? Well, I do voices. Yes! Were looking for intelligent life. Oops, mistake! Happy to be in America. Dont ask for a green card. I want you in the worst way. This is certainly a rough meeting. Its not going very well for me. Hey, boss, give her a chance. Shes gonna loosen up any moment. Look at me, Moneypenny. I want to undo that bow and get to know you. Im crazy to make a deal with you! Nancy and I are still looking for the other half of my head. Theyre doin it! Im sittin on a gold mine! Dont make me smack you, sweetheart. I do a great impression of a hot dog. Mr Hillard, do you consider yourself humorous? I used to. There was a time when I found myself funny. But today you have proven me wrong. Thank you. Listen, bottom line. I need to be with my children, and Ill do anything to do that. You just tell me what to do. - Excuse me. You Tony? - Thats me. Hi. Im Daniel Hillard, the actor. Follow me. Oh, films! Will I be introducing these movies on air? - Not exactly. - What do I do? You take all these cans. You box em and you ship em. Then you box those cans over there. Ship them. Then more will come in. You box those, you ship those. Any questions? After you box em.? You ship em. Lots of luck, smartass. I think I made a friend. - Miranda. - Stu! Hello, Miranda. - Its been a long time. - Yes. Mr Dunmeyers come by to look over your sketches. Let me show you to the conference room. As you probably know, the estate was built in 1876. These sketches are meant to reflect your desire to have it completely restored. You look better than ever. The lobby will resemble a music salon with inspiration from the French Second Empire. I was thinking a 17th-century grand piano. Ive been following your career these past couple of years. A tufted sofa, a Flemish tapestry, a brass-bound Regency-style table. Id love to get reacquainted. Catch up. Mantel clocks. Fringed, upholstered chairs, heavy drapes. Can we talk? Over dinner, maybe? Stuart, thank you. I. Im at the beginning of a divorce. It just didnt work out. - Oh, Miranda, Im sorry. - You dont have to say that. No, really. I mean, I never held any grudges or anything. I just. Well, I always hoped youd find happiness. Oh, God, thats so nice. I was just worried my coming in here might scare you off the project. No, no. Of course not. I. Im a professional. Im. I was flattered that you thought of me after all these years and everything. Yeah, everything. Well. Ancient history. Yeah. Im late. Ive got a meeting over at the bank. Can we talk maybe later in the week? - Sure. - Good. Its good to see you again. Good, huh? I know the place doesnt look like much now, but. Itll be OK. How do you like it? - Nice. - Its OK. Detestable. Hey, just give me some time. Im not too comfortable with this new lifestyle. Neither are we. I know its hard, sweetie. Cant you just tell Mom youre sorry? Wish I could. You know, grown-up problems. Theyre a little more complicated, Nattie. How is the old battle-axe? - Your mom. - Shes fine. Oh. Im glad to hear that. Id hate to think that she came down with amoebic dysentery or piles. Whats amoebic dysentery? Its an infection in your tummy where you get diarrhoea for ever. - Diarrhoea for ever? - And your body dries up and you die. - You die? - You dont have to be so graphic with her. - I read about it in a science book. - Why would you want Mommy to die? Oh, honey, I dont want Mommy to die. Then why did you say that? Look, Dad, youre not trying very hard. We only get to come here once a week. Thats not very much. Youre right. Im sorry. Ill try harder. Nattie, Ill think good thoughts, OK? - About Mommy? - Ill try. I really will. - And call her a princess. - Oh, yes. And right now I feel like a toad. Daddys a toad. - Thats Mom. - Cant be. Shes an hour early. Come on, Nattie, we gotta go. No, no! Come on, sit down. Sit down! You dont have to run off when she honks the horn. Come on, youre on my time now. Youre my goddamn kids, too! Come on. Hi. Oh, Daniel. Charming. Thank you, Miranda. I was going for a refugee motif. Fleeing-my-homeland kind of thing. But look at you! This lovely Dances With Wolves motif. Whats your Indian name: Shops With A Fist? - Are my children ready yet? - No, our children are not ready yet. .because you are an hour early and you were late dropping them off. Daniel, I dont have time for this. I have to drop something off at the newspaper office. Newspaper? Are you taking out one of those personal ads? DWF seeks WWM with BMW, into light B&D? Im placing an ad for a housekeeper. Housekeeper? Why do you need a housekeeper? I need someone to be there when the children get home from school, to clean, start dinner. - How much are you gonna pay? - $300 a week. Is that all right? May I see the ad? - I have a right as their father. Please? - All right. Anything else you wanna see? - Are you offering? - Not any more. Whats the change? - Are you guys all right? - Yeah, Mommy. Were fine. Miranda, why not let me take care of the kids? Ill pick em up after school, be with them, then drop them off at your house after work. - Thatd be great! - Please! - Look. The kids love it. - Mommy, please! Ill think about it. Were his goddamn kids, too. Kids say the darndest things. Thank you. Any other choice phrases youd like to teach our five-year-old, Daniel? Come on, everybody get their coats. - Put them on and lets get out of here. - OK, Mom. I would say go to the bathroom before we go, but I dont think thats a good idea. Dont forget anything. I dont wanna come back. Come on, lets go. - See you Saturday. - Say goodbye to your father. Goodbye, Daddy. - Heres your ad. - Ill get my purse. Yeah, youd better. Hello. Are you calling in response to the ad? - Who was your previous employer? - I was in a band. Severe Tyre Damage. - In a band? - I just wanna know one thing. Are your kids well-behaved, or do they need, like, a few light slams every now and then? - Ill have to get back to you. - Wow! Ja, my name is llsa Himmelman. I want to know how many children do you have? - I have two girls and a boy. - Oh, a boy! I dont work with the males cos I used to be one. Yikes. Hello. Leyla, get back in your cell! Dont make me get the hose! Hello? I am job. - Do you speak English? - I am job. Im sorry. The position has been filled. Oh, what a nightmare! Lets go in for the kill. Hello? Im calling in regards to the ad I read in the paper. Yes. Well, would you tell me a little bit about yourself? Oh, certainly, dear. For the past 15 years Ive worked for the Smythe family of Elbourne, England. Thats Smythe, not Smith, dear. And for them, I did housecleaning, cooking, and took care of their four glorious children. I grew quite attached to them after 15 years, but they grew up, as children tend to. Oh, but listen to me. I am going on when you should be telling me about your little o