家庭是孩子学习和理解现实的地方

1、家庭是孩子学习和理解现实的地方父母是孩子们了解世界和能力的重要诠释者。他们是孩子们的启蒙老师。父母希望他们的孩子成长为社会上成熟的个体，他们可能会在尝试找到实现这一发展的最佳方式时感到沮丧。Parents serve as significant interpreters for children of information about the world and children s abilities. They are children’s first teachers. Parents want their children to grow into socially m

2、ature individuals, and they may feel frustrated in trying to discover the best way to accomplish this development. 父母教养方式是儿童养育方式、价值观和行为的广泛模式。根据戴安娜·鲍姆林德的说法，四种类型的养育方式是放纵（比要求更敏感）、专制（要求很高、指示性强，但不能作出反应）、权威（要求和响应性强）和放纵（反应和要求低）Parenting styles are broad patterns of child rearing practices, values, a

3、nd behaviors. According to Diana Baumrind, four types of parenting styles are indulgent (more responsive than demanding), authoritarian (highly demanding and directive but not responsive), authoritative (both demanding and responsive), and indulgent (low in responsiveness and demanding ness) 独裁家庭的孩子

4、往往是具有攻击性的、恐惧的、焦虑的，他们往往缺乏沟通技巧。与权威性教养有关的孩子，则都是快乐，开朗，自我控制和应付压力。放纵性家庭的孩子则是侵略性的，宠坏的，不顺从的，他们与同伴关系上出现一些困难困难。疏忽性教育的父母则培养的儿童则缺乏自我控制，社会能力低和出现犯罪行为。Children from authoritarian family are often aggressive, fearful, and anxious, they often have weak communication skills. Children associated with authoritative par

5、enting, are happy, cheerful, self-controlled and cope with stress. Children from indulgent family are aggressive, spoiled, and noncompliant, they have difficulties in peer relations. Children associated with neglectful parenting are lack of self-control, social incompetence and delinquency. Children

6、’s emotions are often affected by parenting. Parents are kids’ first important teachers. According to John Gottman, Parents are kids’ emotion coachers, and they teach their kids strategies to deal with life’s ups and downs. Even more than IQ, emotional awareness and ability t

7、o handle feelings will determine one’s success and happiness in all walks of life, including family relationships;(P20-21).So it’s very important to use good parenting at home. Authoritative parentings is the best parenting style, because it is good for children’s emotion developme

8、nt, and because authoritative parents acknowledge their children’s feelings and accept them unconditionally, they can set acceptable standards, and they help to promote children’s independence. Authoritative parents can understand their children’s feeling and teach them how to regu

9、late them. They often help them to find appropriate outlets to solve problems. John Gottman said, They don’t ignore or deny their kids’ feelings. Nor do they belittle or ridicule their children for emotional expression; (P38). They have knowledge of their children’s feeling. For ex

10、ample, my son felt very sad and worried when he heard his best friend would move to another city. He talked to me about that: My best friend will move next month. Whom can I play with?; I understood his feeling, and said, I’m sorry to hear that. Don’t worry. His new home is not far from

11、here. We can visit him and he can come back to visit us. Also, you can make another good friend. You will face lots of separation in your life. You should be strong.; I also told him about my sadness. After talking, he felt better and began to know how to handle this kind of situation.Authoritative

12、parents have a strong awareness of their own emotions and those of their loved one. John Gottman believes, They can see value in their children’s negative emotions; they have more patience when their children are angry, sad, or fearful.;(P40). Authoritative parents are concerned about their ki

13、ds. They seem to be willing to spend time with a crying or fretful child, listening to their worries, empathizing with them, letting them went their anger, or just cry it out. They are responsible parents. Authoritative parents provide a warm and friendly family climate. There is good communication

14、between parents and children in authoritative family. Good communication helps children and parents to develop confidence, feelings of self-worth, and good relationships with others. One of our most important responsibilities as parents is to listen to our children, hearing not only their words, but

15、 also the feelings behind their words. When parents talk to the children, they must show great respect for their children’s feelings. They must feel what their children are feeling. Ginott believed: Statements of understanding should precede statements of advice;(P44). He discouraged parents f

16、rom telling children what they ought to feel, because that simply makes children distrust their feelings. He said kid’s emotions do not disappear when parents say, Don’t feel that way,; He believed that while not all behavior is acceptable, all feelings and wishes are acceptable. Therefo

17、re, parents should set limits on acts, but not emotions and desires, because communication about emotions can serve as a way for parents to teach their children values. Authoritative parents also expect mature, promote independence and appropriate behavior of children. They teach children to calm do

18、wn and focus attention. When they calm down, they can concentrate in finding ways to solve the problems. Psychologists say people are very easy to lose control when they get mad, so it is very easy to do wrong thing. For example, my son is ten years old. He is very easy to get mad or excited. When h

19、e gets mad, I don’t blame him. I know I have to calm down so that I can teach him to do so. I always tell him slowly and tenderly: Can you tell me what’s going on? Maybe I can help you. Don’t worry. Mum is here with you. Let me help you to find a good way.; Sometimes I teach him to

20、 do some exercise to relax. I teach him to do deep breath when he is mad. After deep and slow inhalation and breathing for five to six times, he feels peaceful and relaxes.It really works. Learning to calm down and focus attention become increasingly important as the children mature. Learning to be

21、calm also helps the child to concentrate in learning situations and to focus on the achievement of specific tasks. And, as a child grows, it’s extremely helpful for learning how to share toys. This skill can make a big difference in a child’s ability to enter new playgroups, make new fri

22、ends, and handle rejection when peers turn away. Although some people think authoritarian parenting is associated with school success, children from this kind family are often aggressive, fearful, and anxious and have weak communication skills, because parents have too many restrictive, punitive dis

23、ciplines for their children to follow. They are also rejecting to children. My parents used authoritarian parenting in my family. There are three children in my family. My mother used the same style to us all. I don’t think it is best for parents or caretakers to use the same style, because di

24、fferent families have different children, even in the same family, children are different from each other. It’s better for them to use eclectic parenting style. We didn’t like authoritarian parenting, because we had no any opportunity to tell our feeling or argue. What we could do is shu

25、t up; and follow my words.; According to John Gottman, Family life is our first school for emotional learning; (P20). It’s true. All of us have developed into difficult emotional persons. Both of my brothers are over forty now.They are really aggressive. They have problems in communication ski

26、lls and fail to initiate activity. They also still use the same parenting to educate their children now. Especially my second elder brother, his family has lots of problems just because of his temper. He often jells to his children and fight with his wife. I am timid, fearful and have weak communica

27、tion skill, too. I am afraid to express my opinion in public. Though we are adults now, we are all lack of confidence. We are still under the shadow of this kind of parenting and have influence to our kids. According to Goleman, families with authoritarian parents seem unable to function well either

28、 because they cannot set guidelines, or because they do not pursue interests that involve places and persons outside the family (P 39). This makes it more difficult for children to develop self-knowledge and differentiate their own career goals from their parents goals. Good parenting can help parents to make good emotional kids and have a happy family. The authoritative s