2014gre arguement写作范文无忧文书

1、GRE ARGUMENT 1TOPIC: Thirteen years ago, researchers studied a group of 25 infants who showed signs ofmild distress when exed to unfamiliar stimuli such as an unusual odor or a trecordingof an unknown voice. They discoveredt these infants were more likelyn other infantsto have been conceived in earl

2、y autumn, a time when their mothers production ofmelatonin-a hormone known to affect some brain functions-would naturally increase in response to decreased daylight. In a follow-up study conducted ear r this year, morenhalf of these children-now teenagers-who had shown signs of distreentified themse

3、lvesas shy. Clearly, increased levels of melatonin before birth cause shyness during infancy andthis shyness continueso later life.his argument Here the writer the arguermendsarguest increased levels ofmelatonin, a hormone known to affect some certain brain functions, before birth cause shynessdurin

4、g infancy andt this influence continueso later life. As evidence, he presents resultsof two studies on 25 infants - one study performed when the children were infantsand another when they were at their teens. This argument seemeds to be specious atheir birthglance, andbut, upon after furtherysis, I

5、find several logical flaws which t weaken thewriters reliability of this .and for most, these two studies are baseding on a selected group which is even worse withjust 25 sles . As the writerarguer says, these 25 infants were infants are who showed signsof mild distress when exed to unfamiliar stimu

6、li such as an unusual odor or a trecordingof an unknown voice. These signs exhibited by the is factor of these infants, and not theincreased melatonin pre-birth, may have been a quitesible reason for the shyness found in the follow-up study.Whats is more, even if is nothing to do with the shyness, r

7、esults of this study may can justshow information of a given group of children with spel features rathern the wholepopulation of children exed to increased levels of melatonin. No information is shownprovided to provet the extrapolationogy from this group to the whole is reasonable andacceptable. Wh

8、ats moreAdditionally, this study only had included in 25 sles. There is nodoubtt such a small group cannot provide amakes out a represenive result. This flaw inselecting the sle makes it unbe vable to receive the untenable.给做范文的客户会有一定的回馈活动, 具体活动请联系详询,修改范文, 欢迎随时来电来函！Comment PF3: I think you can leave

9、 out the foremost part.is enough; it s always a good idea to be less wordy if it ssible.Comment PF4: I wasn t sure what the part “which is even” meant.Comment PF5: I think “writer” is a better word n “arguer.” “Arguer” sounds a little strange, butit s not too bad.Comment PF6: maybe is a different wo

10、rd, and here you mean may be.Comment PF7: Try not to use contractions in formal writing.Comment PF2: If you use butt sets up a contrast, and here there is no contrast, so I replaced but with and .Comment PF1: You don t need “argument” and “arguer” so close to each other.On the other hand, Ihe follow

11、-up study the arguer writer just simply presents informationabout this group of 25 children and fails to put it o contextgive any comparison. He saystmore n half of these children have shown signs of distreentified as shyness. Maybe thisis a normal phenomenon for teens of this age. In order to make

12、the s t can bedrawn from the studies clearer, As to make this message useful, the arguer writer should showus information about another group of children who were conceived under with similar conditions except to not born atin early autumn. Only with by comparison sistics and studieslike I suggested

13、 can we be ven others.t these childrent the writer discusses are reallytruly shierEven if these children truly showexhibit more shynessn others, the writerarguer fails to ruleout othossible reasons resulting in for their shyness. For exle, the experien thechildren had growing up they grew up, or the

14、ir family education levels or al charactershe childrens develo shyness as a teenagers. The above said theircould both play a rolemild distress when ex important reason.ed to unfamiliar stimuli when they were infants maybe also anLastly but not least, the writers arguer sayst these infants were just

15、more likely to beconceivedborn in early autumn. It is difficult to We cannot be ve in alike this justwitholearer based on unclear information.In summary, All in all, the major problem with of these two studies is the improper in choosingthe sle selection. Basing on such a unbe vable group, tToo many

16、sibilities may havebeen responsible for the shyness t occur but the arguerwriter fails to rule oonsider. Onlyif the study is improved and more information is provided can the writers is argument beconsidered more reliable.Editors comments:I think your content is fairly good. You did a nice job of ra

17、ising the potential ies with the argument and explaining why the argument exhibits flaws.A lot of my corrections had to do with making your writing clearer and more understandable. Sometimes it was difficult to understand exactly what you wanted to给做范文的客户会有一定的回馈活动, 具体活动请联系详询,修改范文, 欢迎随时来电来函！Formatted

18、: List Paragraph, Bulleted + Level: 1+ Aligned at: 0 25 + Inden : 0.5Comment PF9: I deleted this lastence because I was not sure what it means. If you want to say t the stimuli caused the shyness, you should reword it to a simpler sentence like “The unfamiliar stimuli to which the children wereex ed

19、 as infants may also have been reasons for their later shyness.” I think this argument is a stretch, however.Comment PF10: I am not sure what your po is for this lastence. The writer said t the infants were more likely conceived in early autumn. What is unclear about t?Comment PF8: On the other hand is for setting up a contrast, and aga here is no contrast here. It looks like it is just additional information so the phrase cannot be used here.say. To fix this problem, use clearer words