一词多义的英语笑话篇

1.Youarejustafool.Ican’tbearyou.

--Butyourmothercan.（homonymy）

2.（Inarestaurant）--Waiter,theeggsmusthavegonebad.--Sorry,Ionlylaidthetable.（polysemy）3.Farmer:Ifyouwanttospendthenighthere,you'llhavetomakeyourownbed.Travelingsalesman:That'sperfectlyallright.Farmer:Here'sahammerandsaw.Goodnight.（polysemy）4.Wecan’tgetdownfromelephants.Wecanonlygetdownfromducks（homonymy）第1页/共13页第一页，共14页。5.Marriageisaninstitutionwhereamanloseshisbachelor’sdegreeandawomangetshermaster's.（homonymy）6.--Ifyouwantmydaughtertomarryyou.Youshouldatleasttellmeonethingpositiveaboutyou.--IamHIVpositive.（polysemy）7.Uglywoman:Don’tyouthinkI’mbeautiful?Photographe:Theanswerliesinthenegative.（homonymy）8.Yourbrainhastwoparts,theleftpartandtherightpart.Therightparthasnothingleft,andtheleftparthasnothingright.——Didyouhearabouttheguywhosewholeleftsidewascutoff?——He'sallrightnow（homonymy）第2页/共13页第二页，共14页。9.Touristswanttofindsomeonetotakepictures

Tourists:Excuseme!Areyoufree?

prostitute:Ofcoursenot.I'mnotfree.

Tourists:why?

prostitute:I'm200hundredRMBforonenight,or30dollarsforwholeday（polysemy）10.Ayoungboygoestosocialservicesandtellsthemhehasnowheretolive."Whataboutyourparents?"asksthesocialworker."No,theybeatme,"saystheboy."Whataboutyourgrandparents?"saysthesocialworker."No,theybeatmeevenharder!"saystheboy."Well...wheredoyouwanttostaythen?"repliesthesocialworker."Tottenham,"saystheboy."Theydon'tbeatanyone."（polysemy）11.Adrunkguyapproachesacutegirlinasinglesbar."HiBabe,howaboutadate?"Hesays."Don'twasteyourtime.Inevergooutwithaperfectstranger.""Itseemswearebothinluck.I'mfarfromperfect."（polysemy）第3页/共13页第三页，共14页。12.Arichmanwenttohislawyerandsaid“IwouldliketomakeawillbutIdon'tknowexactlyhowtogoaboutit.”Thelawyersays“Don’tworry.Leaveitalltome.”Themanlookssomewhatupset...“WellIknewyouweregoingtotakethebiggestslice–butI'dliketoleavealittletomychildrentoo!”（polysemy）13.Adown-and-outmusicianwasplayingtheviolininthemiddleofabigshoppingmall.Hehadhisviolincaseopensothatpassersbycoulddropindonations.Thenaburlysecurityguardmarchedoverandaskedhim,"MayIseeyourpermit?""Ihaven'tgotone,"themusicianconfessed."Inthatcaseyou'llhavetoaccompanyme.""Splendid.Whatshallwesing?"（polysemy）14.Ahugecollegefreshmandecidedtotryoutforthefootballteam."Canyoutackle?"askedthecoach."Watchthis,"saidthefreshman,whoproceededtorunsmackintoatelephonepoleandcompletelyknockedoutitover."Wow,"saidthecoach,"I'mimpressed.Canyourun?""OfcourseIcanrun,"saidthefreshman.Hewasofflikeashot,andinjustover9secondsrana100-yarddash."Great,"thecoachsaid."Butcanyoupassafootball?"Thefreshmanhesitatedforasecond."Well,sir,"hesaid,"IfIcanswallowit,Icanprobablypassit."（polysemy）第4页/共13页第四页，共14页。15.Amedicalstudententeredapatient'sroomcarryingasyringe.Asheapproachedthepatient'sbed,hesaid,"Justalittleprickwithaneedle.""Iknowwhoyouare,"thepatientrelied,"butwhatareyougoingtodo?"

（polysemy）16.Anerdlywomanhadtwosmallterriers,onemale,theotherfemale.Whenthefemaleterrierdied,themaleterrierwasheartbroken,andhediedthenextday.Shetookthetwocarcassestothetaxidermistsothattheycouldbepreserved.Thetaxidermistasked,"Doyouwantthemmounted?"Shereplied,"No,butcouldyouhavethispawinhers?"（polysemy）17.Ajudgeisaddressingthehusbandinadivorcecase."MrJohnson,IhavereviewedthiscasecarefullyandIhavedecidedtogiveyourwife$2,000amonth."Thehusbandreplies,"That'sverygenerousofyou,yourhonor,and,believeme,I'lltrytohelpoutalittlemyselfnowandthen."（polysemy）18.Mymotherandfatherareinthesteelandironbusiness.Whatdotheydo?（polysemy）第5页/共13页第五页，共14页。19.Iwroteabookaboutwatch-making……everyonesaiditwasabouttime（polysemy）20.Teacher:George,canyougivemelincoln'sGettysburgAddress?George:No,butheusedtoliveattheWhiteHouseinWashingD.C.（polysemy）21.Whywasitsohotafterthebaseballgame?----Allthefansleft（polysemy）22.Whathappenstoafleawhenitbecomesreallyangry?Itgetshoppingmad.23.Judge:Haveyoueverappearedbeforethiscourtinanyothersuit?Lawyer:Why,yes…..thenavypinstripe.（polysemy）24.Dopeoplefishwithapermitinthisarea?----No,wefishwithabait.25.We'vegotthekindofPresidentwhothinksarmscontrolmeanssomekindofdeodorant（polysemy）第6页/共13页第六页，共14页。26.Athlete:I'mgoingtowriteanarticleonjogging.

Editor:Fine.Butdon'tuseanyrun-onsentences.27.Mary:whyareyoubringingajumpropetoschool?Terry:I'mgoingtoasktheprincipalifIcanskipagrade.(synonymy)28.Madge:I'vebeenaskedtomarrythousandsoftimes.Mindy:Really?Whoaskedyou?Madge:Mymotherandfather.（polysemy）29.WhatdidtheAtlanticOceansaytothePacificOcean?Nothing,theyjustwaved（polysemy）30.Constructioncompanyneedsamantodigholes---Groundlevelpositionavailable.（polysemy）第7页/共13页第七页，共14页。31.Father:Whatshouldyoudowhenyouseeourflagwaving?

littleboy:Waveback.（polysemy）32.Marykissedherauntgood-byebutherauntdidn'tkissherback.Why?Herauntkissedherface（polysemy）33.Nothjngcanmendabrokenheart．”Ahopelesswidowersaid．

“Exceptrepairing，”Awidowanswered．（polysemy）34Thefarmerwhosepigwaskilledbyanautomobile，wasravingmad．“Don'tworry，”saidthemotorist，tryingtopacifybereavedowner,"I’llreplaceyourpig．”“No。youcan't。”growledthefarmer．“youain'tfatenough．”（polysemy）35.Wehavecoursestomakegrowthmenyoungandyoungmengroan(homophones)第8页/共13页第八页，共14页。36.Moneydoesn'tgrowontrees.Butitgrowsatourbranches.（polysemy）37.Abicyclecan'tstandonitsownbecauseitistwo-tyred.Abicyclecan'tstandonitsownbecauseitistwo-tyred.(tootired)(homophones)38.Over500000earsofexperiencesHucares！(homophones)39.Waitress：Doyouwantacan,sir(cancer)?(homophones)40.Therearefourletterstoscarethethiefaway:OICUSevendayswithoutlaughtermakesoneweak(week).(homophones)第9页/共13页第九页，共14页。41.A:Didyourpigbreakhispen?

B:That'sright.Nowhehastotypehisletters（polysemy）

42.TeacherofCivics:WhoistheSpeakeroftheHouse?Smartkid:Mother43.“Waiter!”“Yes,sir.”“What’sthis?”“It’sbeansoup,sir.”“Nomatterwhatit'sbeen.Whatisitnow?”(homophones)44.Donna:He’ssoromantic.Everytimehespeakstomehestartswith“fair

(free)lady”.Tina:Romantic,myeye.Heusedtobeabusdriver.(homophones)45.Haveyounoticedhowsomestudentswhogetpoorgradesseldomporeovertheirbooksbutstillfindtimetopourbeerorstrongerstuffinthemselves?(homophones)第10页/共13页第十页，共14页。46.“Mybusinessisgoingupinsmoke,”complainedthecigar-maker.”

“Mineisallwrite(right),”chuckledtheauthor.

“Mineisjustsew,sew(justsoso),”remarkedthetailor.(homophones)47.Myboss,anativeofAtlanta,oncesaidtome:“AndIusuallycooktheboldshrimp.”ThenIasked,”Istheshrimpinabowlorisitextremelyforward?”“No,no,”shereplied.“BOLDshrimp.”FinallyIaskedhertospellitforme,“Bold,”sherepeated.“Youknow,B-O-I-L-E-D.”(homophones)48.Clerk:Sir,I