雅思大作文修改

经典word整理文档，仅参考，双击此处可删除页眉页脚。本资料属于网络整理，如有侵权，请联系删除，谢谢！Governmentshouldspendmoneyontherailwayratherthantheroads.Towhatextentdoyouagreeordisagreewiththisstatement?Asthetimegoesbywenton,thequalityoflifeisrapidlyrisingandhasbroughtaboutamassiveinfluenceinthediversityofthesocietyhaschangedalotandthequalityofourdailylifeisrisingrapidly.Transportationisoneofthekeypointsofimprovementineverysociety.Inthisregard,somepeoplearguethatthegovernmentshouldspendmoneyontherailwayratherthantheroads.I,asanadvocateofchange,totallyagreewiththiscannotagreewiththat.anymore.Therearesomereasonsasfollowed.Tobeginwith,railwayscanitreducedthepollutionsinceanincreasingifanumberofpeoplewouldgiveupdrivingtoworkandturnopttorideatrain.Nowadays,peoplespendagreatamountsofampletimeontheroadespeciallyduringtherushhours.Atthesametime,Inaddition,theemissionofcarsbringsagreatcompellingincreasecontributiontoanalreadypollutedamountofpollutioninourenvironment.Italsoaddsontothedailystressofpeoplebecausetheytendtobeupseteasilyiftheygotintoaduetothetrafficjamforalongtime.Researcheshavealsoshownthatwhencarsareimmobilestopped,moreairpollutionisproducedwouldbemade.Theseproblemscanbeavoidedifrailwayswillbethefocusoftransportationdevelopment.isreallyagoodwaytosolvethisproblem.What’smore,itsolvesthecongestionontheroadasmanypeoplewerecommutedbytrain.Recentyears,thenumberofthecarsrunningontheroadisincreasinginahighspeed,asaresult,aquestionisgiventousthatalotofcarsareovervolumed,sothatthetrafficjamhasbecomeahorribleproblem.However,thetrainwouldtakemostofthepeopletotheirdestinationwithoutwaitingontheroad.Inaddition,railwaysarenotonlyamediumoftransportationforpeople,butalsoforgoodsandcommodities.Usingtherailwaytransport,inmyopinion,isbetterindeliveringproducts.Thismethodisefficientandtimesavingbecauseitavoidsthecongestionofroadtrafficasithasitsownpathways.Therefore,ifrailwayswillundergotremendousupgrade,then,businessesinone’scountrywillimproveenormously,resultingtoaremarkablereforminthesociety’seconomy.Finally,ontheviewoftheeconomy,takingpublictransportationismuchcheaperthanprivatecars,inthisway,peoplecoulddomuchmoreotherthingstheyareinterestedin.Tosumup,inmyhumbleopinion,theideathatthegovernmentshouldprioritizeinvestingfundspaymoneyontherailwaysimprovementsratherthantheroadisagooddecisionbecausethatitcansolvemanyproblemsinthesocietyandmakethisourworldglobeabetterplacetolivein.5CohesionandCoherenceLexicalResource55.5GrammaticalRangeandAccuracy5.5REVISIONS:Hello.Pleasebeverycarefulwhenstartingoffyouressay.Youareaskedtoagreeordisagreeandbeverymindfuloftheconstructionofyoursentence.Understandthequestion,andcommentclearlyonwhichviewyouwanttoside.Putallideasinoneparagraph.Thenextparagraphshouldbeatotallydifferentideatosupportyourview.Sothatyouropinionwillbefurtherdefended.Avoiddiscussingthesameideaoverandoveragain.ThatiswhyIhaveconstructedawholenewparagraphwithanotherreasonwhyyouaretowardsthisview.Iwouldliketoacknowledgetheexamplesthatyouhavegiven.Itappearsthatitisareal-lifeexperienceandthereaderwouldlikethat.Keepdoingthat,asitwillmakeyourviewmorebelievable.Pleasereviewonyourgrammarandvocabularies.Thereareseveralphrasesthatcandobetterwhenrephrasedorwhenyouuseasynonym.Alwaysrememberthatconclusionisveryimportant,asthisiswhat’sgoingtoleaveanimpressiononthereader.Sobesuretobemorecreativewhencomposingyourclosingwords.Goodluck!TeacherRizzaAstimegoesby,thequalityoflifeisrapidlyrisingandhasbroughtaboutamassiveinfluenceinthediversityofthesociety.Transportationisoneofthekeypointsofimprovementineverysociety.Inthisregard,somepeoplearguethatthegovernmentshouldspendmoneyontherailwayratherthantheroads.I,asanadvocateofchange,totallyagreewiththisidea.Tobeginwith,railwayscanreducepollutionifanumberofpeoplewouldgiveupdrivingtoworkandopttorideatrain.Nowadays,peoplespendampletimeontheroadespeciallyduringtherushhours.Inaddition,theemissionofcarsbringscompellingcontributiontoanalreadypollutedenvironment.Italsoaddsontothedailystressofpeoplebecausetheytendtobeupseteasilyduetothetrafficjam.Researcheshavealsoshownthatwhencarsareimmobile,moreairpollutionisproduced.Theseproblemscanbeavoidedifrailwayswillbethefocusoftransportationdevelopment.Inaddition,railwaysarenotonlyamediumoftransportationforpeople,butalsoforgoodsandcommodities.Usingtherailwaytransport,inmyopinion,isbetterindeliveringproducts.Thismethodisefficientandtimesavingbecauseitavoidsthecongestionofroadtrafficasithasitsownpathways.Therefore,ifrailwayswillundergotremendousupgrade,then,businessesinone’scountrywillimproveenormously,resultingtoaremarkablerefo