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Hereisalongsentence:

Isetoutforthebiggestbookstoreintown,attheschoolgateIsawagirlofmyclass,shewasgoingthere,too,wedecidedtogotogether,wewalked,thebookstorewasnotfaraway.

Infact,thisisnotonelongsentence,butaseriesofshortsentences:therearesixofthem.Whenasentenceisstructurallycomplete,whetherlongorshort,itshouldendwithafullstop.Sothesixsentencesshouldbepunctuatedlikethis:Isetoutforthebiggestbookstoreintown.AttheschoolgateIsawagirlofmyclass.Shewasgoingthere,too.Wedecidedtogotogether.Wewalked.Thebookstorewasnotfaraway.

TojointwoormorecompletesentenceswithcommasmaybepossibleinChinese,butitiswronginEnglish.Thereisanameforsuchamistake:thecommafaultorthecommasplice.Weshouldrememberthatacompletedeclarativesentencealwaysendswithafullstop.F.JoiningClauseswithConjunctions

Whentwoormoresentencesarecloselyconnectedinmeaning,itmaybebettertoputthemintoonesentencethanseparatethem.Thenthosesentenceswillbecomeclauseswhichshouldbejoinedtogetherwithproperconjunctionsorotherwords,likerelativepronouns.

Weshouldlearntodistinguishbetweenconjunctionsandadverbs,suchasbutandhowever,soandtherefore.Wecanjoincoordinateclauseswithacommaandaconjunction,orwithasemicolon,orwithasemicolonandanadverb:

Sheenjoyslisteningtopopmusic,buthersisterdoesn't.Sheenjoyslisteningtopopmusic;hersister,however,likesclassicalmusicbetter.Sheenjoyslisteningtopopmusic;however,hersisterdoesn'tlikeit.

Inthefollowingsentencesthecommasshouldbereplacedwithsemicolons:

ShespeaksEnglishfluently,moreover,shespeaksFrenchquitewell.

Theplansforthebuildingarenotyetready,thereforetheconstructioncannotstartverysoon.Itiswrongtousecommasinthesetwosentencesbecausemoreoverandthereforeareadverbs,notconjunctions.G.AMainClauseinaComplexSentence

mainclausesaremissing.Incertaincontexts,suchasaconversation,aclausemaybetreatedasacompletesentence,whenapartofthesentencehasbeensaidbyanotherperson,e.g."Whyhasn'tMr.Brownsaidanything?""Becausehedoesn'tspeakRussian."Themainclauseoftheanswer(Mr.Brownhasn'tsaidanything)isunderstood.H.ProperUseofComparisonsAdjectivesoradverbsofthecomparativedegreeshouldbeusedonlywhenthereisacomparison.Theyarerightlyusedinthefollowingsentences:Hislatestnovelismoreinterestingthanallhisearlierworks.Shespeaksbetterthanshewrites.

Inacomplexsentencetheremustbeamainclause,whetheritisatthebeginning,inthemiddleorattheendofthesentence:Hewouldcometoseemewheneverhewasinthiscity.Whensheheardtheexplosion,shecalledmeimmediatelytoaskwhathadhappened.Notuntilthemeetinghadcometoanenddidtheyrealizetheseriousnessoftheproblemdiscussed.Thereisamainclauseineachoftheabovethreesentences.Becausehehadnotheardaboutthatimportantdecision.Whateverthedirectorsaidattheconference.Themanwecouldfindforthejob.Thesearenotcompletesentencesbecausetheyareonlyadverbial,subject(orobject),orattributiveclauses,whilethe

mainclausesaremissing.Incertaincontexts,suchasaconversation,aclausemaybetreatedasacompletesentence,whenapartofthesentencehasbeensaidbyanotherperson,e.g."Whyhasn'tMr.Brownsaidanything?""Becausehedoesn'tspeakRussian."Themainclauseoftheanswer(Mr.Brownhasn'tsaidanything)isunderstood.H.ProperUseofComparisons

Adjectivesoradverbsofthecomparativedegreeshouldbeusedonlywhenthereisacomparison.Theyarerightlyusedinthefollowingsentences:Hislatestnovelismoreinterestingthanallhisearlierworks.Shespeaksbetterthanshewrites.Hetalksmorethanhedoes.Sometimesacomparisonisimplied:Mostofhispoemsaredifficulttounderstand.Thisoneisnoteasier.Themeaningofthesecondsentenceisquiteclear:thispoemisnoteasierthanhisotherpoems.Butweshouldnotuseadjectivesoradverbsofthecomparativedegreewhenthereisnocomparison,explicitorimplied,likethefollowing:Heisabetterstudent.(Heisagoodstudent/afairlygoodstudent.)Thistextiseasier.(Thistextisfairlyeasy/quiteeasy.).Inaddition,weshouldrememberthatonlythingsofthesamekindcanbecompared.Thefollowingcomparisonsarenotlogical:HerEnglishismuchbetterthanI.ThelanguageofHenryJamesismoreelaboratethanErnestHemingway.MineshouldhavebeenusedinsteadofIinthefirstsentenceandthatofputbeforeErnestHemingwayinthesecond.I.CorrectUseoftheTenses

Sinceapredicateverbmustbeusedinacertaintense,weshouldlearntousethetensescorrectly.Wheneverwemakeasentence,weshouldaskourselveswhenthethingmentionedinthesentencehappens,andusetherighttensetoreportit.Perhaps

theperfecttensesaremoredifficultthantheothertensesanddeservegreaterattention.Whenwetalk:aboutsomethingthathappenedinthepast,evenafewminutesago,weshouldusethesimplepasttense.Whenwetalk:aboutsomethingthathappenedinthepast,butitsresultremainsatpresent,weshouldusethepresentperfect.Compare:Iwenttothebookexhibitionyesterday.Ihavebeentothebookexhibition.Thefirstsentencetellsthelistenerthetimewhenthespeakerwenttotheexhibition,whilethesecondsentencemeansthatthespeakerknowswhattheexhibitionislikeandperhapsheorshedoesnotwanttogothereagain.Inthefollowingsentencestherearetensemistakes:x

Wehaverevisedourworkplanlastnight.xTheychangedtheirtimetableandtheyareworkingaccordingtoit.x

Thisishislatestnovel.Didyoureadit?x

WearegoingtotheGreatWall.Didyouevergothere?x

Hehasbeenafriendofmineforafewyears,butwearenolongerintouch.Thesimplepasttenseshouldhavebeenusedinthefirstandlastsentences,andthepresentperfectintheothers(revised,havechanged,haveyouread,haveyoueverbeen,wasafriend).x

Ihavereadthebookforseveraldaysandwillfinishittonight.x

Shehasdonetheworkaloneandisstilldoingit.Thepresentperfectcontinuousshouldhavebeenusedintheabovetwosentencesbecausetheyrefertothingsthatarestillgoingon(havebeenreading,hasbeendoing).Sometimeswefailtousethepastperfectwhenweshould.Hereareexamples:x

Hevisitedallthehistoricalmonumentshewantedtoseeforalongtime.xShewasappointedprincipaloftheschoolbecauseshestudiededucationandtaughtformanyyears.Thepastperfecttenseshouldhavebeenusedintheattributiveclauseinthefirstsentence(hehadwantedtosee)andintheadverbialclauseinthesecond(becauseshehadstudied...andtaught...).Sofarwehavebeentalkingabouttherequirementsofcorrectsentencesandafewcommonmistakes.Thereareofcoursemanyothertypesofmistake.Thebestwaytodealwiththemistoreviewgrammarandstudytheentrieswearenotclearaboutinadictionary,andobservetheusesofwords,expressionsandstructureswhenwearereadingawell-writtenbook.Inotherwords,whilewearelearningnewthings,wecandiscoverandcorrectouroldmistakes.Thefourthrequirementofasentence(completenessandsinglenessinmeaning)willbediscussedinthesectiononeffectivesentences.TopicsforDiscussion(讨论题):1．Whatarethoseessentialrequirementsofacorrect

English

sentence?2．Howcanweavoidtenseerrorsinwriting?IV.CoordinationandSubordinationWhenwementiontwoormorethingsorideasofequalimportance,weoftenusecoordinateclausesjoinedwithacoordinatingconjunction(and,but,or,nor,yet,so,orfor).Thisformormethodiscalledcoordination.Whenweexpressanimportantideainamainclauseandoneormorelessimportantideasinsubordinateclauses,weareusingthemethodofsubordination.Itisclearthatthechoiceofcoordinationorsubordinationismainlydecidedbytherelationshipbetweentheideastobeexpressed.Ineachofthefollowingsentencesmorethanonefactorideaismentioned.Letusseewhethercoordinationispreferabletosubordinationortheotherwayround.ThisrichmanwenttochurcheverySunday,andheneverdonatedacentforthebenefitofhisneighborhood.ThisrichmanwenttochurcheverySunday,butheneverdonatedacentforthebenefitofhisneighborhood.AlthoughhewasrichandwenttochurcheverySunday,heneverdonatedacentforthebenefitofhisneighborhood.Whenwecomparethesethreesentences,wefeelthatthesecond,withbut,isstrongerthanthefirst,andthethirdmaybethebestone,fortherethemainideaisexpressedinthemainclauseandisemphasized.Althoughhewentontalkingasifhewouldneverstop,noonewaslisteningtohim.Hewentontalkingasifhewouldneverstop,butnoonewaslisteningtohim.Hetalkedandtalked,anditseemedthathewouldneverstop,butnoonewaslisteningtohim.Herecoordinationmaybebetterthansubordination,forinacompoundsentenceallthethreeideasgetequalemphasis.Thereisonethingweshouldpayattentionto:theuseofconjunctiveadverbssuchashowever,therefore,nevertheless,moreover,andbesides.Asthesewordsarenotconjunctions,theyareusedafteraconjunctionorasemicolon(notacomma)tojoinclauses:Heisaneloquentspeaker;however,helacksdepth.Neithermanpowernorrawmaterialwassufficient,andthereforetheprogressoftheworkwasslowerthanexpected.SheisdeeplyinterestedinEuropeanart;moreover,sheisfondofclassicalWesternmusic.Hereisagroupofshortsentences:Iwakedupat6:30.IthoughtIwaslate.Iwashedquickly.ThenIwentintothekitchen.Ifoundsomethingtoeat.Ifinishedeatinginafewminutes.Itookmybikeandhurriedout.Irodeveryfastalongthestreets.SoonIwasattheschoolgate.Butitwasclosed.ThenIrealizedthatitwasSaturday.Whenwereadtheseshortsentences,wefeelthat,thoughtheydescribethingsclearly,theyarechoppyandnotveryimpressive.Herearetwodifferentversions:Iwakedupat6:30.ThinkingthatIwouldbelateforschool,Iwashedquickly,wentintothekitchen,andfoundsomethingtoeat.ThenIhurriedoutwithmybike.IrodeasfastasIcouldalongthestreets,andsoongottotheschoolgate,butitwasclosed.OnlythendidIrealizethatitwasSaturday.Itwasalready6:30whenIwakedup.ThinkingthatIwouldbelateforschool,Iwashedandatesomethinginahurry.

Igotonmybikeandsetoutforschool.Onthe

streetsIrodeasfastasIcould,andinnotimeIwasattheschoolgate,onlytofinditclosed.ThenIrememberedthatitwasSaturday.

Inthesetwoversionssomesentencesarecombinedbywayofcoordinationorsubordination,andthetotaleffectmaybebetterthanthatoftheoriginalpassage,becausetheygivethereaderthefeelingofhasteandurgency.

Inthenewversionsnotonlyclauses,butalsoparallelpredicateverbsandparticipialandinfinitivephrasesareusedinplaceofsentences.

Thisshowsthatcoordinatingandsubordinatingarenottheonlywaysofcombiningsentences.Sometimescompletesentencesmaybeturnedintophrasesorsingleverbswithoutlossinmeaning.

Hereisanotherpassagemadeupofshortsentences:

Ilikereadingnovels.Theyoftentellmeinterestingandmovingstories.Somestoriesarealsoinstructive.Theydescribegoodandevilpeople.Theydescribethebrightsideandthedarksideoflife.Theyhelpmedistinguishbetweenrightandwrong.Inthiswaytheyhavehelpedmetounderstandpeopleandlife.

Asaresult,Iseemtohavebecomewiser.

Nowletustrytocombinesomeofthesentencesandatthesametimemakeimportantideasprominent:

Ilikereadingnovelsbecausetheytellinterestingandmovingstories.Moreover,somestoriesareinstructive.Bydescribinggoodandevilpeople,andthebrightsideandthedarksideoflife,suchstorieshelpmetodistinguishbetweenrightandwrong,andunderstandpeopleandlife.Readingthemhasperhapsmademewiser.

Thisnewversionisperhapsmorecompactthantheoriginal,anditsmainidea(whatthewriterhaslearnedfromnovels)ismademoreprominent.

Twooftheoriginalshortsentencesarenotmergedwithothers(thethirdandthelastone),Thisisbecausetheyexpressveryimportantideas,andshortsentencesaregenerallyemphatic.

Shortsentencesarenotonlyemphatic,buteffectiveindescribingaseriesofquickmovementsandactions(seenextsection).

Generallyspeaking,bothshortandlongsentencesshouldbeused;usingonetypeofsentencescontinuouslywouldbemonotonous.

TopicsforDiscussion(讨论题):

1.

Howcansentencesbecombined?

2.whatisthebasicdifferencebetweencoordinationandsubordination?V.EffectiveSentences

Acorrectsentencemaynotexpresstheideaitintendstoexpressveryclearlyorforcefully.Correctnessalonecannotmakeagoodsentence.Ithastobeeffectiveatthesametime.Effectivesentenceshavesomeorallofthefollowingqualities:unity,coherence,conciseness,emphasis,andvariety.A.Unity

Unityreferstotwoqualities:thereisonlyonemainideainasentence,andthatideaiscomplete

Thisdoesnotmeanthatallsentenceshavetobeshortandsimple.Itisoftennecessarytowrite

alongsentencewithmanypartsinit.Suchasentenceexpressesacentralideasupportedormodifiedbyvarioussubordinateideas,ortwoormorerelatedparallelideas.Inotherwords,ideasthatarecloselyconnectedcanbeexpressedinonesentence,whileideasthatarenotcloselyconnectedshouldnotbeputintoonesentence.TheexplorerwhohasjustreturnedfromtheAntarcticisbusywritingreportsonhisadventuresonthatice-coveredcontinent,wherehedidnotseeanyanimalsexceptpenguins.Thisisalongsentencewithmanyparts,includingtwoclauses.Ithasonecentralidea(theexploreriswritingreportsonhisadventuresintheAntarctic)andalltheotherideasarerelatedtothiscentralidea.

Hereisashortsentence:

BorninSichuanProvince,helaterbecameafamouswriter.Thisisacorrectbutnotagoodsentence,becausethetwofactsmentionedinitarenotlogicallyconnected:amanborninSichuanisnotcertaintobecomeafamouswriter.Wecansaythatthesentencelacksunity.Tomakethemeaningclear,wehavetosaysomethingabouthiseducationandworkexperiencethathelpedtomakehimafamouswriter.

Hevisitedallthefamoushistoricalmonumentsofthisancientcity,andhealsofoundoutthatthe

peopleofthecityhadtopayheavytaxes.Liketheprecedingsentence,thisonecontainstwofactsthathavenothingtodowitheachother.Theyshouldhavebeenstatedintwoseparatesentenceswithsomeadditionalwordstolinkthemup.

DreamoftheRedMansionsisthebest-knownnovel.Thisseemstobeacorrectsentence,butitsmeaningisnotcomplete."Thebest-knownnovel"shouldhavebeenmodified.Thetwosentencesthatfollowareclearer:

DreamoftheRedMansionsisoneofthebest-knownclassicalChinesenovels.OfalltheChinesenovelswrittenbeforethe20thcenturyDreamofthe

RedMansionsisperhapsthemostpopular.B.Coherence

Coherencemeansclearandcorrectarrangementofthepartsofasentence.SincethemeaningofEnglishsentencesmainlydependsonwordorder,thearrangementofthepartsofasentenceisespeciallyimportanttoaccurateexpressionofideas.Acoherentsentenceiseasytounderstandanditsmeaningcannotbemistaken,becausetheconnectionbetweenitswordsconformstogrammarrulesandusage.Anincoherentsentence

isoftenhardtounderstand,andmaybeinterpretedindifferentways.Manyofthesentencesgiveninthefirstsectionofthischapterareconsideredwrongbecausetheyareincoherent.

Hereareafewrulesofthumbwhichmayhelptopreventincoherence:

a.Donotseparatewordsthatarecloselyrelatedunlessitisnecessary;

b.Donotuseapronounwithambiguousreference;

c.Donotuseadanglingmodifierorputamodifierfarfromtheworditmodifies;

d.Donotmakeunnecessaryorconfusingshifts"inpersonornumber;

e.Donotmakeunnecessarychangesinthevoice,tenseormoodofverbs;and

f.Donotusedifferentformstoexpressparallelideas.

Exampleswillbegivenbelowtoillustratetheserules.

EveryoneisstudyingEnglishinthisschool.

ThissentencemayimplythattheschoolmentionedistheonlyplacewherepeoplecanstudyEnglish.PerhapsthespeakermeansthateveryoneinthisschoolisstudyingEnglish.Sointhisschoolisanattributemodifyingthesubjectinsteadofanadverbialmodifyingtheverb.Thephraseshouldhavebeenplacedimmediately

afterthesubject.Itspositiondeterminesitsfunction.

Mrs.Greensaidtohersisterthatshehaddonetherightthing.Wedonotknowwhohaddonetherightthing,Mrs.Greenorhersister,andtheambiguitycomesfromthepronounshe.Themeaningwouldhavebeenclearifthefollowingsentenceshadbeenused:

Mrs.Greensaidtohersister,“Youhavedonetherightthing."

Mrs.Greensaidtohersister,"Ihavedonetherightthing."

Mrs.Greenthoughtthathersisterhaddonetherightthingandsaidsotoher.

Mrs.Greensaidtohersisterthatsheherselfhaddonetherightthing.

Herearetwosentenceswithdanglingmodifiers:

Lookingoutofthewindow,onlydullgreybuildingscanbeseen.

AfterstudyingLessonTenthemid-termtestwasgiventous.

Aparticipialphraseexpressesanactiondonebythepersonorthingdenotedbythenounitmodifies.Inthefirstsentencelookingshouldbetheactionofthesubject(buildings),butbuildingscannotlook,sotheparticipialphraseisa

danglingmodifier.Agerundalsoexpressesanactionofthepersonorthingdenotedbythewordtowhichitisrelated.Inthesecondsentencestudyingisrelatedtotest,butatestcannotstudy,sothephraseAfterstudying...isalsoadanglingmodifier.Onewayofrevisingthetwosentencesis:

Lookingoutofthewindow,I(oranyotherperson)canseeonlydullgreybuildings.

AfterstudyingLessonTen,wehadthemid-termtest.Amodifiershouldbeplacedascloseaspossibletotheworditmodifies.Iftheyarefarfromeachother,misunderstandingmayarise.

Thefunnycartoonattractsthereader'seyeonthecoverofthemagazine.

Thedoctorpromisedonherwaytoherhospitaltocomeandseeme.

Theweaknessesofthetwosentencesareobvious,andtheycanbeeasilycorrected:

Thefunnycartoononthecoverofthemagazineattractsthereader'seye.

Thedoctorpromisedtocomeandseemeonherwaytoherhospital.

Inthefollowingsentencesthereareconfusingshiftsinpersonandnumber:

Thosewhowanttojointhechorusshouldsignyournameonthissheetofpaper.(Yourname

shouldbechangedtotheirnames.)

Helooksupdifficultwordsinhisdictionaries,anditisveryhelpful.

(Itisshouldbechangedtotheyare.)

Similarly,weshouldalsobecarefulwhenwemakechangesintense,voiceandmood:

Theexplosiondestroyedthebuildingandanumberofpeoplewereinjured.Alotofhigherhouseswerebuiltaroundhersinthepastfewyearsandshegetsnomoresunlight.

Althoughthetwosentencesarecorrect,thechangesinvoiceandtensemakethemjerky.

Puttingthetwoverbsinthesamevoiceandtensewouldbebetter:

Theexplosiondestroyedthebuildingandinjuredanumberofpeople;

or

Intheexplosionthebuildingwasdestroyedandanumberofpeopleinjured.

Alotofhigherbuildingshavebeenbuiltaroundhersinrecentyearsandasaresultshegetsnomoresunlight;or

Alotofhigherbuildingswerebuiltaroundhersandasaresultshegotnomoresunlight.

Whetherthepresentorthepasttenseshouldbechosenforthesecondsentencedependsonthe

timetobeemphasized.Whereverpossible,parallelideasshouldbeexpressedinparallelconstructions,whichgivethereaderthefeelingthattheideasareequallyimportant.

Thefollowingareafewsentencesthatcanbeimproved:

Itisgenerallybelievedthatone'sactionismoreimportantthanwhatonesays.

Theyoungmanishonestandhardworking,andisaveryreliableworker.

Thiscompositionisquitegoodasfarastheuseoflanguageisconcerned,butitscontentispoor.

Nowletustrytoexpresstheparallelideasinthesesentencesinparallelconstructions:

Itisgenerallybelievedthatone'sactionismoreimportantthanone'swords.

Theyoungmanisanhonest,hardworkingandreliableworker;

or

Theyoungmanishonest,hardworkingandreliable.

Thiscompositionisgoodinlanguagebutpoorin,content;

or

Thelanguageofthiscompositionisquitegoodbutitscontentisratherpoor.

Inshort,coherenceisessentialtotheaccurateandclearexpressionofideas.Soitisagoodhabittorereadthesentenceswehavewrittentoseewhethertheyarecoherent,andmakenecessarychangesiftheyarenot.

C.Conciseness

Wewritesentencestoexpressideas.Theuseofwordsinasentence,therefore,isdecidedbytheideaitexpresses.Needlesswordsdonothelpexpressideas;onthecontrary,theyobscurethemeaningandconfusethereader.Sooneoftherulesofsentence-makingistouseonlythenecessarywords,orasfewwordsaspossiblesolongasthemeaningisfullyexpressed.

Butoftenwetendtoputasuperfluouswordhereandthereinasentence.Thishabitmaycomefromthewaywetalk.Itiscommoninspeakingtorepeataword,usewordsofsimilarmeaningtogether,andchangewordswehavesaidandeventhestructureofasentenceinthemiddleofit.Butweshouldnotdosoinwriting.

Thisispossiblebecausewhenwewritewehavetimetocheckwhatwehavewrittenanddeleteallthewordsthatarenotneededfortheexpressionofideas,ortomakeoursentencesconcise.

Hereareafewhintsformakingconciseandclearsentences:

a.Useapronouninsteadofrepeatinganoun;

b.Useawordinsteadofaphrasewiththesamemeaning,anduseaphraseinsteadofaclausewiththesamemeaning;

c.Donotrepeatwordsorphrases,ifpossible,inasentenceorinonethatfollows;

d.Donotusedifferentwordsorphraseswithsimilarmeaningsinthesamesentence;

e.Donotrepeatthesameideaindifferentsentencesexceptforemphasis.

Thefollowingsentenceiswordyandcanbesimplified:

InthemonthofMaypeopleofdifferentprofessionsfromallcirclesinthiscitywillholdmeetingstoelectrepresentatives,andthese

representativeswillgotoBeijing,thecapital,inOctobertoattendanationalcongressofmodelworkersfromthewholecountry.

InthemonthofMaycanbeshortenedtoInMaywithoutanylossofmeaning;ofdifferentprofessionsandfromallcirclesmeanthesamething,soonlyoneofthemisneeded;holdmeetingscanbeomittedbecauseitisnotimportant;theimportantthingisthattheywillelectrepresentatives;whocanbeusedinplaceoftheserepresentatives;thecapitalcanbeomitted;nationalandfromthewholecountryaresynonymous,sothephrasecanbedeleted:

InMaypeopleofdifferentprofessionsinthiscitywillelectrepresentatives,whowillattendanationalcongressofmodelworkersinBeijinginOctober.

Thenumberofwordsisreducedbyhalf,butthemeaningofthenewsentenceisthesameasthatoftheoriginalone.

Hereisanotherexample:

Therearetreesonallsidesofthehouse,andthetreeshidethehouse.Peoplecanhardlyseethehousefromtheoutside.

Asimplerversionwouldbe:

Surroundedbytrees,thehousecanhardlybeseenfromtheoutside;or

Thehouse,hiddenbehindtrees,canhardlybeseenfromtheoutside.

HereisaparagraphaboutthelifeofEmilyDickinson:

EmilyDickinsonwasafamouswomanpoetoftheUnitedStates.Herfatherwasalawyer.Emilywaseducatedatanacademy,andaftershelefttheacademysheenteredafemaleseminary.Shestudiedthereforayear.Herlifewasquietandpeaceful,forshelivedaquietlifeathome.Besides,shewasnevermarriedandremainedsingleallherlife.Shehadveryfewfriends.Butthefewfriendswhomshehadwerewell-educatedintellectuals.Sheenjoyedwriting

poems,butshewrotepoemsinsecret.Shediedwhenshewas56yearsold.Beforeshedied,nooneknewshehadwrittenover1000brilliantshortpoems.Onthewholetheparagraphgivesaclearaccountofthepoet'slife,butinmanyplacesitiswordy.Therearesentencesthatcanbecombinedandwordsthatcanbeomitted.Inthefirstsentencethewordwomanisnotnecessary,forEmilyisawoman'snameandthesecondsentencebeginswithHer.Thetwosentencesabouthereducation,thoughcorrect,arenotconcise;theycanbecombinedandsimplified:Shewaseducatedfirstatanacademyandthenforoneyearataseminary.

Inthetwosentencesaboutherlifethewordquietisneedlesslyusedtwice,andshewasnevermarriedandremainedsingleallherlifeonlyrepeatthesameideaindifferentwords.Thenthewordsfewfriendsandwritingpoemsarerepeated.Intellectualsarewell-educatedpeople,sothewordneednotbemodifiedbywell-educated.Thelasttwosentencescanbecombinedaswell.

Belowisanimprovedversion:

EmilyDickinson,thefamousAmericanpoet,wasalawyer'sdaughter.Shewaseducatedfirstatanacademyandthenforoneyearatafemaleseminary.Herlife