爱上英语-中小学生英语幽默故事1(中英双语)

小学生英语故事

包括：幽默故事（1-7页），普通小故事（7-40页）。激发小朋友们学英语的

兴趣，帮助他们提高成绩。最好每天背一篇，会有不错的效果的o（n_n）o

英文幽默故事：

Therewasaguywhowentintoashoptobuyaparrot.Therewerethreeparrotsinthe

shop.Onewas$5,000;anotherone,$10,000;andthethirdone,$30,000.The

customeraskedtheowner,uHowcomethisguyis$5,000?That'ssoexpensivefor

thiskindofparrot."Theownersaid,“BecauseIhavetrainedhimandhecantalk."So

thecustomeraskedhim,“Howaboutthisguy?Whatcanhedothatmakeshimso

expensive?^^Theownersaid,“Well,apartfromtalking,hecanalsodosomeamusing

actions,likedancingandsoon.That'swhyhe'ssoexpensive?*Thenthecustomersaid,

“Howaboutthethirdone?Whatcanhedothatmakeshimsoexpensive?”Theowner

oftheshopsaid,"Idon'tknow.Normally,Ihaveneverheardhimtalk,nordance,nor

whistle,norsing,nothingatall!Buttheothertwocallhim4TheBoss.^^^

老板最大有个人到一间商店买鹦鹉。店里有三只鹦鹉，其中一只卖五千元，另

一只卖一万元，还有一只卖三万元。顾客问老板：「为什么这只要卖五千元？这

个价钱对这种鹦鹉来说太贵了！」老板说：「因为我有训练他讲话。」顾客又问：

「那这只呢？他会做什么？为什么要卖这么贵？」老板说：「池除了会说话之外，

还会表演一些有趣的动作，好比说跳舞等等，所以才卖这么贵"顾客接着又问：

「那第三只呢？他会做什么？为什么要卖这么贵？」老板说：「我不知道。我从

没听过他讲话、吹口哨或唱歌，也没看过他跳舞，什么都没有！不过另外两只叫

他：r老板!」」

Whereistheegg?

Teacher:Canyoumakeasentencewiththeword"egg"?

Student:Yes.Iateapieceofcakeyesterday.

Teacher:Thenwhereisthe"egg"?

Studenl:Inthecake,Sir.

鸡蛋在哪里？

老师：你能用“鸡蛋”一词造句吗？

学生：可以。我昨天吃了一块蛋糕。

老师：“鸡蛋”在哪？

学生：在蛋糕里，先生

Tomisalittleboy,andheisonlysevenyearsold.Oncehegoestoacinema.Itisthe

firsttimeforhimtodothat.Hebuysaticketandgoesin.Butaftertwoorthree

minuteshecomesout,andbuysthesecondticketandgoesinagain.Afterafew

minuteshecomesoutagainandbuysthethirdticket.Twoorthreeminutesafterthat

hecomesoutandasksforanotherticket.Butagirlaskshim,uWhydoyoubuyso

manytickets?Howmanyfriendsdoyoumeet?”“No,Ihavenofriendshere,butabig

womanalwaysstopsmeatthedoorandcutsupmyticket.”

汤姆是个小孩，他才7岁。当他去电影院的时候。那时他第一次去。他买了张

票进去了。但没过两三分钟他就出来了，然后买了第二张票又进去了。几分钟

后他又出来买了第三张票。接着两三分钟后他又出来买票。一个女的问她，“你

为什么要买那么多票啊？你见到了几个朋友？””没有，我里面没朋友，但是每

当我进门的时候一位大的女人老把我的票给剪了”

Child:Myunclehas1000menunderhim.

Man:Heisreallysomebody.Whatdoesdo?

Child:Amaintenancemaninacemetery

他真是一个大人物

小孩：我叔叔下面有1000个人。

男人：他真是一个大人物。他是干什么的？

小孩：墓地守墓人。

Teacher:WouldShakespearebeagreatmanifhewerestillalivetoday?

Student:Ofcourse.Hemustbeagreatman,fbrsofarnobodyhaslivedtoover400

years.

一名伟人

老师：如果莎士比亚还活着，他会是一名伟人吗？

学生：当然。因为到目前为止，还没有人活到400多岁。

Mr.Smith:Waiter,there'sadeadflyinmysoup.

Waiter:Yes,sir,Iknow—it'stheheatthatkillsit.

史密斯先生：服务员，我的汤里有一只死苍蝇.

服务员：是的，先生，我知道了，它是被烫死的.

Son:Dad,givemeadime.

Father:Son,don'tyouthinkyou'regettingtoobigtobeforeverbeggingfbrdimes?

Son:Iguessyou'reright,Dad,Givemeadollar,willyou?

儿子：爸爸，给我一角钱。

父亲：儿子，你不认为你已经长大了，不该再老是一角一角地要钱了（该自立了），

不是吗？

儿子：爸爸，我想你是对的，那给我一块钱行吗？

Alittlekidfellinlovewithanotherlittlekid,aschoolmate.Sometimesthekidsthink

theyfallinlovewhentheyhaveacrushonsomeoneelseintheclass,whenthey're

eightortenyearsoldorsomethinglikethat.Sotheeight-year-oldkidcameback

homeandaskedhisfather,^Father,isitexpensivetobemarried?”Andthefathersaid,

“Yes,son,itisveryexpensive?1Sothesonasked,“Howmuchdoesitcost?”Andthe

fathersaid,"Idon'tknow,son.Tmstillpaying.”

有个小孩爱上了另一个小孩，对方是学校的同学。八岁或十岁左右的孩子有时会

迷恋班上某个人，然后就以为自己恋爱了。因此这个八岁的小孩回家问他爸爸：

「爸爸，结婚很花钱吗？」爸爸说：「是啊，儿子，泮常花钱。」儿子又问：「要

花多少钱呢？」爸爸说：「我不知道，儿子，我到现在还一直在付钱啊！」

"Boy,whyhaveyougotcotton-woolinyourear?Isitinfected?""No,sir,butyousaid

yesterdaythateverythingyoutoldmewentinoneearandouttheother,soIam

tryingtostopit."

“孩子，你为什么用棉花塞住耳朵？它感染了吗？”

“没有，老师。可是你昨天说你告诉我的知识都是一个耳朵里进，一个耳朵里出，

所以我要把它堵在里面。”

T'msorry,Madam,butIshallhavetochargeyoutwentydollarsfbrpullingyour

boy'stooth

“Twentydollars!Why,Iunderstandyoutosaythatyouchargedonlyfourdollars

fbrsuchwork!”

“Yes,butthisyoungsteryelledsoterriblythathescaredfourotherpatientsoutofthe

office

“对不起，夫人，为您孩子拔牙我要收取20美元。”

“20美元！为什么？不是说好只要4美元。”

“是的，但是你的孩子大喊大叫，把另外四个病人吓跑了。”

TWO：Teacher：Weallknowthatbeatcausesanobjecttoexpandancoldcaueseitto

contract.Now,cananyonegivemeagoodexample?

John：Well,inthesummerthedaysarelong,andinthewinterthedaysareshort.

老师：我们都知道热胀冷缩的道理。现在，谁给我举个例子？

约翰：嗯，在夏天天都长，在冬天天都短。

Thelectureronevolutionhadbeengoingonfornearlytwohours,thenhestarted

again,andsaidhe:"Letmeasktheevolutionistaquestionifwehadtailslikea

baboon,wherearethey?"

"I'llventureananswer,nsaidanoldlady."Wehavewornthemoffsittinghereso

long.".

教进化论的老师己经滔滔不绝地讲了快两个小时，他的话题又来了：“让我向进

化论者提个问题——如果我们曾经像狒狒那样长着尾巴，那么现在尾巴到哪里去

了？”

“我来试试看，'‘一位老太太说。

“该是我们在这里坐这么久把它们磨掉了吧。”

与未来的自己对话

A:Hey,buddy.DidIseeyoubefore?

B:0h,that*simpossible.BecauseIamyoufromthefuture.

A:Wow,that'scool.Ican，timagineit.Howcouldyoumake

it?

B：rmsorrythatIamnotallowedtotellyouaboutit,

it'sasecret.

A:Whatapity!Wait,canIaskyousomethingelse?

B:Yes,absolutely!That'sexactlywhyIcomeheretomeet

you.

A:Haveyoumarried?

B:Ha,Iknowyouwillaskthisquestionfirst.ButIwon,t

tellyou.

A:Howcome?Please.

B:Therearemanyreasonsbutbasically,Ijustsimplydon，t

wanttotellyou.

A:0k,IhopeyouhavemarriedbecauseIdon'twanttobe

singleatyourage.

B:Don*tworry.Maybeyourwifeisveryprettyand

empathetic.

A:Really?

B:Ha-ha,whoknows?

A:Oh,isdad，sbodyok?Youknow,hisbodyhasnotbeen

goodsincetenyearsbefore.

B:Don'tworry.Medicaltechnologyhasagreatdevelopment

inthefuture.

A:That*sawesome.Oh,isGarystillalive?

B:Gary?Oh,youmeanthedog.No,youknowadogcan，tlive

solong.

A:0k,Iknowthedaywillcomesoonerorlater.

B:Yes,althoughinthefuturetherearestillmanythings

humancan'tcontrol.

A:ThatJsright.Isthefutureworlddifferentfromthe

worldtoday?

B:Certainly,theworldinfutureisdifferentfromtoday

inmanyways.

A:Canyoutellafewexamples?

B:Sure,thebiggestchangeisthereonlyhaveGlobal

Villageinearth.

A:What?Issoundscrazy,youknow,therearemanyconflicts

betweendifferentnations.

B:It，strue,butpeopleareyearnforpeaceandtheworld

wouldchange.

A:Anyway,itisagoodnews.Oh,arerobotsbehavelike

humansinthefuture?

B:Ofcourse.Artificialintelligencehasbeendeveloped

rapidlyinthefuture.

A:Buthowcanpeopletellapartrobotsbetweenhumans?For

theylookliketotallysame.

B:Goodquestion,inthefuture,robotshavetheequal

rightswithhumans.

A:Wait,youmeanrobotsarenolongerhumans'servantbut

friends?It'sunbelievable.

B:Sure,robotsinthefuturearesimilartohumansexcept

theydon'thavetoeatfood.

A:Wow,itsoundslikeadaydreambutiskindof

interesting.

B:Youbet.

A:Letmesee,whatwillyoudowhenyouarefreeinthe

future?

B:Youcanguessit.

A:Oh,Ihavenoidea.Forme,futureishardtoimagine.

B:Well,IwilltraveltoVenusonmyvacation.

A:Cool,thatexactlywhatIhavebeenalwaysdreamedabout.

What'syourfeeling,isitexciting?

B:Nodoubt,itisanunforgettableexperiencewhenI

traveledtoVenusthefirsttime.

A:So,haveyouevermetwithaliens?

B:Yes,inthefuturealiensarelivingwithhumanstogether

actually.

A:Really?

B:Yes,humanbeingsarenottheonlyintelligentbeings

intheuniverse.

A:Dotheylooklikehumans?

B:No,alienshavemanydifferentappearancesandmostof

themaretotallydifferentfromhumans.

A:Aretheyfriendlyorbellicose?

B:Tobefrankly,amajorityofaliensarefriendlybutsome

ofthemarebellicose.

A:Iknowitisinevitablethatsomeofthemarenotsokind.

B:Yes,youareright.

A:Oh,thereisaveryimportantthingthatIhaven,tasked

you.

B:What?

A:What'syourjob?Youknow,Ialwayswanttobeagreat

writerlikeHemingway.

B:No,itisnoteasytobeagreatwriter.