高考总复习优化设计二轮用书英语A 第3讲　精雕细琢,学会描写细节

第3讲精雕细琢,学会描写细节高考总复习优化设计GAOKAOZONGFUXIYOUHUASHEJI2025方式1写动作——活情节在续写中,利用恰当的动词进行符合特定情境的动作描写,真实准确地描述动作过程,以“动”传神,适当利用契合人物性格特点的心理描写和对话描写,使续写部分更为生动。动作描写应把握三个原则:(1)要准确:表现一个动作可以利用许多动词,但应恰当利用最准确的动词,刻画对应的动作。(2)有过程:展示出人物面部、肢体、语言等个性的动作。(3)用修饰:在描写动作时,可利用各种状语,说明时间、地点、原因、伴随等情况,构建动作画面感。[典例]FinallyJohnstartedhislongwalk.Havingtrekkedfortwohours,hecametothedeepforest.Besidestherustling(沙沙声)oftrees,thewoodwasinadeathlysilence.Hequickened

upandheld

ontothebattightly.Abruptly,aterriblehowl,whichsoundedlikeawolf,brokethesilenceandfrightenedhim.Hejumped

to

his

feetandran

as

fast

as

his

legs

could

carry

him.Hedidn’tstoprunninguntilhesawaflashoflightatadistance,movingquicklytowardshim.

Atthattime,acarwasdrawingcloser.Johnwasdashing

towardthecarandwaving.ThedriverFranknoticedhimandrolled

downthewindow,asking

cautiouslywhyhewasaloneatnight.Hearingthattherewereprobablywolvesintheforest,Frankofferedtogivehimalift.Johnjumpedinthecarswiftly.ThankstoFrank’shelp,Johnmanagedtoreachthedestinationat5:30am.Withthesunrisingfromthehorizon,John’sfaceglowed(洋溢着)withgratitude.Feelingenergetic,hecouldn’t

wait

to

get

started.

点评

全文内容和结构符合原文的逻辑发展。其中动作描写贯穿全文,推动着情节的发展。第一段续写的内容紧扣首句中的关键词long

walk,高级词汇与词块trekked,quickened

up,held

onto,jumped

to

his

feet,ran

as

fast

as

his

legs

could

carry

him等构成动作链,增强了叙述的画面感。第二段首句出现car,利用汽车为切入点,John

was

dashing

toward

the

car衔接极为流畅自然。之后司机的行为noticed,rolled

down,asking

cautiously等动词(短语)用词均很贴切。[即时训练1]用动作描写完成语段1.①

,they②

,feelingthepreciouspeacefromwithin.

他们站在空旷的路边,仰望天空,发自内心地感受着珍贵的宁静。2.①

,Lucy②

,“Ivolunteer.”

被老师的话鼓舞,露西举起了手,小声说,“我来。”Standing

beside

the

empty

roadlooked

up

into

the

skyEncouraged

by

the

teacher’s

wordsraised

her

hand,whispering3.While①

fromhighabove,Iwasamazed②

hadcrushedthefenceand③

fortheinvitinggarlicbread.

当我从高处俯瞰那只熊时,我惊讶地发现这个固执的家伙压碎了栅栏,朝我们的营地走去,准备吃诱人的蒜蓉面包。4.Hebegan①

beforeHarryandWormtail,eyes②

allthewhile.Afteraminuteorso,he③

Harryagain,acruelsmiletwistinghissnakelikeface.

他开始在哈利和虫尾巴面前走来走去,眼睛始终扫视着墓地。过了大约一分钟,他再次低头看着哈利,蛇一般的脸上扭曲着一丝残酷的微笑。overlooking

the

bearto

spot

this

stubborn

guyheaded

towards

our

campto

pace

up

and

downsweeping

the

graveyardlooked

down

at5.Withhisarms①

,Beibei②

,③

whetherhewasrightorwrong.

贝贝坐在泳池边,双臂低垂,思考自己是对还是错。droppingsat

beside

the

poolwondering方式2写情绪——表心情情绪描写是情感线中必不可少的细节描写之一。合理的情感描写与刻画可以让心情(高兴、悲伤、犹豫、惊恐、好奇、愤怒等)表达更加有画面感。

这可以凸显人物的性格、人际关系的特征以及烘托故事高潮,进而突出语篇主题等。考生可以从原材料中体会作者相应的情绪,借助情绪的延续,以此为衔接进行续写。情绪层次的描写:1.直接利用恰当的表情感的形容词、副词或名词、介词短语等表达人物的喜怒哀乐情绪。比如,用happy,delighted,pleased,joyful,enjoyable,surprised,shocked,amazed,astonished,toone’ssurprise,inrelief,inpanic等描述人物的情绪。2.利用恰当的动作和神态描写反映人物的情绪。Withnopathtofollow,Janejustwalked

onforquitealongtime.Aftershehadclimbedtoahighplace,sheturned

around,hopingtoseethelake.(动作描写,说明Jane满怀期望)To

her

surprise,(利用介词短语体现Jane的吃惊)shesaw

nothing

but

forest

and,far

beyond,a

snow-capped

mountain

top.(寓情于景,体现Jane的失落)Shesuddenlyrealizedthatshewaslost.3.利用环境描写,融情于景,烘托人物的情感。Dellafinishedhercryinganddriedherface.Shestoodbythewindowandlookedoutunhappilyatagraycatwalkingalongagrayfenceinagraybackyard.[小说《麦琪的礼物》中3次使用形容词gray,体现了Della的难受和不开心。][典例]Dadlookedquicklyandsmiled,“Yes,itisnotthere!”“Butwhowouldliketobuythatsillydress?”Momwasgreatlysurprised.Fathersaidcasually,“Forgetit.Maybesomeonerichwouldbuyitforhiswife.”Hearingthewords,Motherforcedasmileandmurmured,“Yes,shewillbemovedtotears.”Myfatherrealizedshefeltdisappointed.However,asmileappearedonhisface.Itwasthemysterioussmilethatimmediatelyclicked(使豁然开朗)me.Iknewuponimaginingthescenethatmovesmymomdeeplywhenreceivingthegift,hefeltdelighted.

I’llneverforgetthatmorningofMother’sbirthdaywhenFatherhandedherabox.Fatherexclaimed,“Happybirthday!”eyeinghiswifeexpectantly(期待地).AsMotheropenedthebox,thetwinklingstarsonthedresstouchingherheartdeeply.Shescreamed.Turningaround,shecomplained,“Youshouldn’twastemoney.”However,thebeautifulredsatindressmeltedherheart,sosoonthecomplaintdisappeared.Herpalmssweating,throattighteningandtearsstreamingdownherface,shewastouchedbeyondwords.Amongallthenicemomentsinherlife,neverwouldsheforgetthismovingone.

点评

(文中铺灰底部分)文章的画面感强,让人读了能够在脑海中呈现出感人的画面,与阅读材料所传递的主题相符合。另外,内容环环相扣,段落间衔接紧密而自然,条理清楚,语言流畅,可读性、逻辑性强。第一段中的设计主要是发生在车上,母亲提出疑问→父亲漫不经心地回答→父亲想象妻子收到礼物的情景。在第二段中,父亲送母亲礼物→母亲情感的变化(抱怨→感动)。另外,文章句式丰富,能够巧妙运用独立主格结构、倒装句、分词作状语及状语从句等。用词多样化、生动,如:melt,exclaim,click等,这使文章增色不少。同时,细节描写真实,故事情节合理,扣人心弦。[即时训练2]用情绪描写完成语段1.He①

andhithischest,②

aggressively.

他勃然大怒,捶打着胸口,咄咄逼人地瞪着我们。2.Asthelittleprincedroppedofftosleep,I①

andsetoutwalkingoncemore.I②

.ItseemedtomethatIwascarryingaveryfragiletreasure.Itseemedtome,even,thattherewasnothing③

onallEarth.

小王子睡着了,我就把他抱在怀里,又重新上路了。我深受感动,也很激动。我觉得我抱着一个脆弱的宝贝。在我看来,地球上再没有比这更脆弱的东西了。flew

into

a

rageglaring

at

ustook

him

in

my

armsfelt

deeply

moved

and

excitedmore

fragile3.Bettycontinued,“Thevolunteerdoctorsarecomingtomorrowwithvaccines.Canyouhelp?”“I’dloveto,”Adarepliedatonce,①

.Theylookedateachothermerrily②

.

贝蒂继续说:“志愿医生明天就会带着疫苗来。你能帮忙吗?”“我很乐意去做。”艾达立刻回答道,高兴地跳了起来。她们愉快地看着对方,微笑照亮了房间。jumping

with

great

joywith

their

smiles

lighting

up

the

room4.Atthisverymoment,Sirincouldnolongerresistheranger.“Youarealwaysbusy!”she①

,tearsstreamingdownandeyes②

.“Ihateyou!”③

,grabbedthepaintingonthetableandtoreitinhalf.④

,hermomanddadcouldn’tsayaword.

就在这时,西琳再也无法抑制她的愤怒了。“你们总是很忙!”她像火山一样爆发,眼泪流下来,眼睛闪烁着愤怒。“我恨你们”,她咆哮着,抓起桌子上的画,把它撕成两半。震惊和内疚,她父母一句话也没说。erupted

like

a

volcanoshining

with

irritationShe

roaredShocked

and

guilty方式3写心理——读内心心理描写可以揭示人物的内心世界,表达人物的性格、特点、感情和思想等。心理描写可以运用直接描写和间接描写两种方法:1.直接描写:直接写主人公的想法、感受、打算等,在具体写作时,可用“Ifelt”“shethought”“hewould”等句式。2.间接描写:人物的性格不同,情绪不同,其所表现出的动作和神态也就不同,因此可以利用人物的动作和神态体现其心理,也可以利用语言描写表现人物心理。[典例]“Hi!Beforeeighto’clock,youcanwaitinthecafeteriaorhereifyouwant,”cameafamiliarvoice.Iturnedaroundandsawthatitwastheteacherwhoreceivedusontheorientation.Shelookedatmegently,asiftherewerestarsinhereyes.Iforgotthelossinaninstant.Sheheldmyhandandtoldmethatwecouldplaywiththetoysontheshelvesintheclassroom.Theteacherwouldteachusalotofinterestingknowledgeinclassandwecouldplaygamestogetherafterclass.Iwashappytobewithher,soIspentmyfirstdayatschoolhappily.

Asthedaywenton,IrealizedIhadnoreasontocry.Whenschoolwasover,mysisterpickedmeup.Whenwegotinthecar,mymotheraskedmehowmydayhadbeen.Itoldmymother,“Mom,IthinkIhavetowork.”Momlaughed,“ThenIthinkyoushouldstopresistinggoingtoschool.”Ilaughedtoo.Ithinktheschoollifeinthefutureshouldbefulloffunandsweet,togetherwithmyfavoriteteachersandfriends.

点评

(文中铺灰底部分)文中通过一系列动作和情绪描述,发展了情节和情感两条线,叙述了一个刚开始上学的小女孩的故事。在教室里,她遇见了自己喜欢的老师,开心地度过了小学的第一天,最后出现了心理上的变化:由对学校的抵触到高兴地接受。文章最后揭示了孩子的心理,表明了对学校的看法,使人物性格、情绪变化跃然纸上;使故事情节线和情感线交织发展,故事高潮迭起。[即时训练3]用心理描写完成句子或语段1.Seeingthetent,I

,“Iwanttoexperiencetheoutsideworld”.

看到帐篷,我感觉它在叹气,并且说:“我想体验一下外面的世界”。2.AsIstartedmycar,I

.当我发动汽车时,我意识到我的朋友把他的卡车钥匙留在了庭院里。3.ThoughJesse’sbadeyesightwasatoughproblem,he

.Thetallandthinboyfelldownhalfwaymanytimesbecausetheroadwasroughandhecouldn’tseeitclearly.

虽然杰西的视力不好是一个棘手的问题,但作为一个勇敢的人,他仍然决心去尝试一下,因为路很崎岖,他看不清楚,这个又高又瘦的男孩多次半路摔倒。felt

as

if

it

had

been

sighing

and

sayingrealized

that

my

friend

had

left

his

truck

keys

in

courtwas

still

determined

to

give

it

a

try

as

a

brave

person4.Inspiredbythem,he①

.Finally,hereachedthetopwiththeguidanceofhisparents.Althoughexhaustedandbreathless,he②

andyelledwithexcitement,“Imadeit!”

受到他们的启发,他咬紧牙关,坚持要爬上去。最后,他在父母的指导下达到了顶峰。虽然筋疲力尽,喘不过气来,但他充满了喜悦,兴奋地喊道:“我做到了!”set

his

teeth

and

insisted

on

climbing

upwas

full

of

joy方式4写环境/场景——造氛围环境描写要把握四个原则:①选择与主题和情节设置一致的环境要素,以营造故事发生的特定环境。②所选的景物一定要运用所学的词汇和句法进行细致深入的描写。③添加附加信息,如天气变化和周边的景物等,如昏暗的路灯、摇曳的树影等。④环境细节描写一定要与动作和心理活动等相结合,才能更好地完成续写任务。[典例]阅读下面材料,根据其内容和所给段落开头语续写两段,使之构成一篇完整短文。OnSunday,Nicholas,ateenager,wentskiingwithhisfatheratSugarloafMountaininMaine.TheyhadawonderfuldayanddecidedtodrivehometoMassachusettsafterafinalrun.Theytookachairlift(升降椅)tothetopofthemountain,wheretheysplituptogodownindifferenttrails.Whenthefatherfinishedhisrun,heheadedtotheparkinglottowaitforhisson.However,Nicholasnevershowedup.ItturnedoutthatafiercesnowstormhadsweptintotheareaasNicholaswasonhiswaydown.Unabletoseefar,heaccidentallyturnedoffthepathandventured(冒险)downthewestsideofthemountain.Beforeheknewit,Nicholaswaslostandallalone.Hiswaybacktotheskitrailswasblocked.Whatwasworse,hedidn’thaveanyfoodorwaterwithhim,letalonehiscellphoneorothersupplies.Thesunbegantosinkandhewasgettingcolderbytheminute.Nicholashadnoideawherehewas.Hetriednottopanic.HethoughtaboutBearGrylls’survivalshowMan

vs.WildthatheusedtowatchonTV.Intheshow,Gryllsisabandonedinawildareaandhastohelphimselfout.Itwastimetoputthetipshehadlearnedtouse.Hedecidedtostopmovingaround.Heneededtheenergy,andthewindsweren’tasstronginthevalleywherehestoodastheywereuponthemountain.Plus,therewasabetterchanceofsomeonefindinghimifhestayedput.Thefirstthinghedidwastoseekshelterfromthefreezingwindandsnow.Usinghisskis,Nicholasbuiltasnowcave.Hegatheredahugemassofsnowanddugoutaholeinthemiddle.Thenhepiledbranchesontopofhimself,likeablanket,tostayaswarmashecould.Wheneveningcame,Nicholaswasreallyhungry.Heatesomesnowanddranksomewaterfromnearbystreamsothathewouldn’tdehydrate(脱水).Thenhereturnedtohiscaveandslept.注意:续写词数应为150左右。WhenNicholasdidn’tshowup,hisfatherrealizedtheremustbesomethingwrong.

Thenextday,Nicholasheardthesoundofasnowmobile.

点评Nicholas和爸爸一起滑雪,暴风雪突然来临,Nicholas因偏离滑雪道而迷路了,之后他用所学的知识镇定地应对寒冷与饥饿,等待救援。第一段首句译文:当Nicholas没有出现的时候,他的爸爸意识到一定是出了什么事。第二段首句译文:第二天,Nicholas听到了雪地摩托车的声音。基于第一段的框架,考生可以补充以下细节:周围的环境描写(太阳下山了,气温下降,凸显救援的紧迫性)→爸爸的动作描写(冷静下来打电话报警)→警察的动作描写(分析地形后骑雪地摩托车寻找)→周围的环境描写(天完全黑了,又下起了大雪,风呼号着,凸显救援的困难以及

Nicholas的危险处境)→Nicholas的心理活动描写(虽然害怕,但坚信会活下来)。基于第二段的框架,考生可以补充以下细节:Nicholas的动作与语言描写(听到雪地摩托车的声音,兴奋地大喊救命)→周围的环境描写(猛烈的风淹没了他的声音)→爸爸的动作描写(找到儿子后,紧紧拥抱儿子哭泣)→感悟。[即时训练4]用环境/场景描写完成续写When

Nicholas

didn’t

show

up,his

father

realized

there

must

be

something

wrong.When①

(太阳下山),②

(气温下降).Hesooncalmeddownandturnedtothepoliceforhelp.Afteranalyzingthemapof③

(又大又高的山),theyrodesnowmobilesimmediatelytothepossibleplacewhereNicholaswastrapped.④

(天完全黑了,又下起了大雪)again.Allaroundwas⑤

(呼号着的风).FrightenedasNicholaswas,hebelievedhewouldsurvivefrom⑥

(寒冷的风雪).

the

sun

was

settingthe

temperature

was

becoming

lowerthe

vast

and

high

mountainIt

was

completely

dark

and

the

snow

fellthe

howling

windthe

freezing

wind

and

snowThe

next

day,Nicholas

heard

the

sound

of

a

snowmobile.Excited,heshoutedbackdesperately“Help!Help!”But⑦

(风吹得很猛烈)thathisvoicewasswallowed.Fortunately,theyfoundhim.Hisfatherhuggedhimtightlyandcried.⑧

(他们脚下的冻雪融化了)intheirwarmheart.ForNicholas,whatathrillingbutmemorableexperience!

the

wind

was

blowing

so

fiercelyThe

frozen

snow

under

their

feet

melted方式5写人物——塑形象人物描写主要包括外貌、品格、性格和言行等方面。进行外貌描写时,可写对一个人的总体印象,也可以抓住人物重要的外貌特征或性格、品格等特点进行描述。如对妈妈性格的描写,可采用loving,sweet,absent-minded和forgetful等形容词,使一个可爱又健忘的妈妈的形象跃然纸上。也可以具体描述人物的五官、着装,甚至可以配上动作描写。也可写你对人物印象最深的一两点,再加上一两句人物评价。[典例]Aliceis20yearsold.Sheisalittleoverweight.Butsheistallandfair-skinned,soshelookshealthy.Herhairisjet-blackedandstraight.Shehasaverypleasantsmileandshealwayshasatwinkleinhereyes.Whenshesmiles,Alice’sspecialdimples(酒窝)willappear.Whenworking,shealwaysputsonherglasses.Shealwaysdressesveryelegantlyandneatly.Becauseofherkindness,wealllikeherverymuch.点评(文中铺灰底部分)全文内容对

Alice的描写包括总体印象(a

little

overweight)、外貌(tall

and

fair-skinned,has

a

twinkle

in

her

eyes,special

dimples)、品格(kindness)、性格(has

a

very

pleasant

smile)等方面都进行了描述。集中展现了Alice一个完美的形象,仿佛Alice就站在读者的面前。[即时训练5]用人物描写完成句子1.Heisavery

person.

他是一个很有决心的、意志坚强的人。2.

,heexplainedthatclimbingbroughthimnotonlyjoybutalsoasenseofsatisfaction.

他那晒黑的脸上带着骄傲的微笑,他解释说,登山不仅给他带来了快乐,还带来了一种满足感。3.Shehurriedupthesteps,

.

她急忙走上台阶,看起来神情紧张,脸色苍白。determined

and

strong-willedWith

a

proud

smile

on

his

tanned

facelooking

nervous

and

pale课堂应用(2023新课标Ⅰ卷)WhenIwasinmiddleschool,mysocialstudiesteacheraskedmetoenterawritingcontest,Isaidnowithoutthinking.Ididnotlovewriting.MyfamilycamefromBrazil,soEnglishwasonlymysecondlanguage.WritingwassodifficultandpainfulformethatmyteacherhadallowedmetopresentmypaperonthesinkingoftheTitanicbyactingoutaplay,whereIplayedalltheparts.Noonelaughedharderthanhedid.So,whydidhesuddenlyforcemetodosomethingatwhichIwassuretofail?Hisreply:“BecauseIloveyourstories.Ifyou’rewillingtoapplyyourself,Ithinkyouhaveagoodshotatthis.”Encouragedbyhiswords,Iagreedtogiveitatry.IchosePaulRevere’shorseasmysubject.PaulReverewasasilversmith(银匠)inBostonwhorodeahorseatnightonApril18,1775toLexingtontowarnpeoplethatBritishsoldierswerecoming.Mystorywouldcomestraightfromthehorse’smouth.Notabrilliantidea,butfunny,andunlikelytobeanyoneelse’schoice.Whatdidthehorsethink,ashespedthroughthenight?Didhegettired?Havedoubts?Didhewanttoquit?Isympathizedimmediately.Igottired.Ihaddoubts.Iwantedtoquit.But,likeRevere’shorse,Ikeptgoing.Iworkedhard.Icheckedmyspelling.Iaskedmyoldersistertocorrectmygrammar.Icheckedoutahalf-dozenbooksonPaulReverefromthelibrary.Ievenreadafewofthem.WhenIhandedintheessaytomyteacher,hereadit,laughedoutloudandsaid,“Great.Now,writeitagain.”Iwroteitagain,andagainandagain.WhenIfinallyfinishedit,thethoughtofwinninghadgivenwaytotheenjoymentofwriting.IfIdidn’twin.Iwouldn’tcare.注意:1.续写词数应为150个左右;2.请按如下格式在相应位置作答。Afewweekslater,whenIalmostforgotthecontest,therecamethenews.