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读后续写——打碎花瓶LISA阅读下面材料,根据其内容和所给段落开头语续写两段,使之构成一篇完整的短文。Thesoundofglassbreakingisinstantlyrecognizable.I’dbeentellingmybestfriendMissiasillystoryandhadspun(急转身)aroundinthelivingroomwhenIheardthatsoundandfroze.WhenIlookeddownatthefloor,itwasfulloftinyred,pinkandclearglasspieces.Missisaidfearfully,“Oh,no,notthevase.”“Why?WhatdidIdo?”Myfacereddened.“Amy,thatglassvasewasoneofthefewitemsmygrandparentshadpasseddowntomymumthroughgenerationsinmyfamily,”Missirepliednervously.“Ifyou’dbrokenanythingelseintheapartment,IwouldhavegladlysaidIdidit.Butyou’regoingtohavetotellmymomthatitwasyourfault,andshe’sgoingtobereallymad.”Iwasterrified.I’ddestroyedapricelessvase.WhydidIhavetospinaroundlikethat?Wegatheredupthebrokenpieces.Ikeptsayingthatmaybeitcouldbefixed,butMissisaidgentlythatitdidn’tlookpossible.Iinsistedwekeepthepieces.Buttheglasswassodelicatethatsomeofitbrokeevenmoreaswetriedtosweepitupcarefully.Missisaidhermomwouldbehomeatanytime.Ihadgotafewbutterfliesinmystomach.Wouldhermomcriticizeorpunishme?WouldshetellmeIcouldn’tstayintheirapartmentfortheweekend?Icouldn’tstoprecallingthosefifteensecondsinmymind,mespinningfastandthesoundofglasscrashing.TheonlythingIcouldthinkoftosaywas“I’msorry.”Acoupleofminuteslaterweheardakeyturninthedoor.Hermomwashome.Rightfromthestart,wecouldseeshewasinagoodmood.“Hello!It’shottoday.Iwanttotreatyougirlstothatfrozenyogurt.Let’sgo!”hermomsaid,pointingattheopendoor.注意:(1)续写词数应为150左右;(2)开头已给出。“Beforethat,Ineedtotellyousomethingreallyimportant,”Isaid.________________________________Hermomlookedatme,sayingnothingforwhatfeltlikeforever.________________________________
步骤一:通读原文,锁定核心要素(5分钟,审题破题)
1.梳理故事基础信息
-人物:I(主人公)、Missi(朋友)、Missi’smother(关键人物)-起因:和Missi玩耍时,不小心打碎她家珍贵的花瓶-经过:两人试图修复花瓶但失败,主人公内心充满愧疚、恐惧、忐忑-结局伏笔:妈妈回家,心情愉悦,未察觉异常,准备带两人去吃酸奶2.明确续写要求
-两段续写,每段开头已给定,不可修改-词数:总计150词左右,段落字数均衡-主题导向:诚实、宽容、知错就改,禁止偏离主题3.分析两段开头写作重点
-第一段开头:“Beforethat,Ineedtotellyousomethingreallyimportant,”Isaid.(“在那之前,我有件非常重要的事情要告诉你,”我说)任务:引出坦白真相的过程,重点刻画主人公紧张、愧疚的心理与动作-第二段开头:Hermomlookedatme,sayingnothingforwhatfeltlikeforever.任务:描写妈妈的反应,实现情节反转,升华诚实与宽容的主题步骤二:搭建段落框架,确定情节走向(5分钟,列提纲)
第一段写作框架(坦白真相)
1.
承接开头句,描写主人公说话时的动作+心理状态2.
详细叙述打碎花瓶的经过,表达歉意3.
交代内心的愧疚与不安,为下文做铺垫
第二段写作框架(反应与升华)
1.
承接开头句,描写妈妈沉默时主人公的紧张心理2.
写出妈妈的宽容反应(安慰、原谅、夸赞诚实)3.
描写主人公的感受,结尾升华文章主题步骤三:句型植入,积累高分表达(8分钟,句型套用)
将指定高分句型对应到段落中,讲解适用场景,大家可以直接套用1.
第一段必用句型-
Myfingersclutched...tightly,withawaveof...sweepingoverme.-Afteramomentofhesitation,Ifinally...-Noticing...,I...,leavingasurgeof...passingthroughmychest.2.
第二段必用句型-...whispered/echoed,伴随状语(表情/动作)-Outsidethewindow,brilliantsunlightspilledacrossthevastsky.Yet,itwas...thattrulyilluminatedmyworld.步骤四:逐段动笔写作,细节填充
第一段写作实操引导1.
开头承接:用给定句型公式,立刻加入动作心理描写示例:“Beforethat,Ineedtotellyousomethingreallyimportant,”Isaid.Myfingersclutchedthehemofmyskirttightly,withawaveofguiltandfearsweepingoverme.2.
中间叙事:加入犹豫、坦白的细节,套用句型示例:Afteramomentofhesitation,IfinallytoldherthetruththatIhadaccidentallybrokenthevaluablevasewhenplayingwithMissi.3.
结尾铺垫:补充内心愧疚,衔接下文示例:Noticingthebrokenpiecesonthefloor,Iloweredmyheadinshame,leavingasurgeofdeepregretpassingthroughmychest.第二段写作实操引导
1.
开头承接:沿用给定句子,刻画主人公紧张心情示例:Hermomlookedatme,sayingnothingforwhatfeltlikeforever.MyheartbeatwildlyandIwastoonervoustosayaword.2.
中间情节:描写妈妈宽容的反应,套用对话句型示例:“Itdoesn’tmatteratall,”shewhispered,awarmsmileonherface.Shepraisedmeformyhonestyandsaidthevasewasnotprecious.3.
结尾升华:加入环境描写句型,点明主题示例:Outsidethewindow,brilliantsunlightspilledacrossthevastsky.Yet,itwasherkindnessandforgivenessthattrulyilluminatedmyheartthatday.
“Beforethat,Ineedtotellyousomethingreallyimportant,”Isaid.Myfingersclutchedthehemofmyskirttightly,withawaveofoverwhelmingguiltandterrorsweepingoverme.Afteramomentofhesitation,Ifinallypluckedupmycourageandconfessed:IhadbeenspinningaroundwhilechattingwithMissi,andaccidentallyshatteredthepricelessvasethathadbeenpasseddownforgenerations.Noticingtheruinedpiecesonthefloor,Iwhisperedmyapology,leavingasurgeofprofoundregretpassingthroughmychest.MylegsshookslightlyasIwaitedforherreaction.
Hermomlookedatme,sayingnothingforwhatfeltlikeforever.Thesilencefeltendless,butthenshesmiledgently.“I’msogladyoutoldmethetruth,”shemurmured,hereyessofteningwithwarmthandtolerance.Shecomfortedmethatmaterialthingscouldbereplaced,buthonestywasagift.Later,wewenttoenjoythefrozenyogurtasplanned.Outsidethewindow,brilliantsunlightspilledacrossthevastsky.Yet,itwashersincereforgivenessthattrulyilluminatedmypathtogrowththatday.1.clutchedthehemofmyskirttightly紧紧攥着裙摆2.
awaveofoverwhelmingguiltandterror
一阵强烈到几乎让人窒息的愧疚与恐惧3.
sweepoverme席卷我4.
afteramomentofhesitation犹豫片刻后5.
pluckupmycourage鼓起勇气6.
shatterthepricelessvase打碎无价花瓶7.
passdownforgenerations代代相传8.
asurgeofprofoundregret一阵深深的悔恨9.
murmur低声说10.
eyessofteningwithwarmth眼神变得温暖11.
materialthings物质的东西12.
honestyisagift诚实是一份礼物13.
frozenyogurt冷冻酸奶14.
brilliantsunlight灿烂的阳光15.
sincereforgiveness真诚的原谅16.
illuminatemypathtogrowth照亮我的成长之路Beforethat,Ineedtotellyousomethingreallyimportant,”Isaid.Myfingersclutchedmychesttightly,withawaveofoverwhelmingguiltandterrorsweepingoverme.Afteramomentofhesitation,Ifinallypluckedupmycourageandconfessed:IhadbeenspinningaroundwhilechattingwithMissi,andaccidentallyshatteredthepricelessvasethathadbeenpasseddownforgenerations.Noticingtheruinedpiecesonthefloor,Iwhisperedmyapology,leavingasurgeofprofoundregretpassingthroughmychest.MylegsshookslightlyasIwaitedforherreaction.
Hermomlookedatme,sayingnothingforwhatfeltlikeforever.Thesilencefeltendless,butthenshesmiledgently.“I’msogladyoutoldmethetruth,”shemurmured,hereyessofteningwithwarmthandtolerance.Shecomfortedmethatmaterialthingscouldbereplaced,buthonestywasagift.Later,wewenttoenjoythefrozenyogurtasplanned.Outsidethewindow,brilliantsunlightspilledacrossthevastsky.Yet,itwashersincereforgivenessthattrulyilluminatedmypathtogrowththatday.1.
clutchmychesttightly紧紧抓住胸口2.
awaveofoverwhelmingguiltandterror一
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