第二部分　二、写作高分技法示例 高中英语

圆学子梦想铸金字品牌PAGE8-二、写作高分技法示例(2021·新高考Ⅰ卷)AMOTHER’SDAYSURPRISEThetwinswerefilledwithexcitementastheythoughtofthesurprisetheywereplanningforMother’sDay.HowpleasedandproudMotherwouldbewhentheybroughtherbreakfastinbed.TheyplannedtomakeFrenchtoastandchickenporridge.Theyhadwatchedtheirmotherinthekitchen.Therewasnothingtoit.JennaandJeffknewexactlywhattodo.Thebigdaycameatlast.Thealarmrangat6a.m.Thepairwentdownthestairsquietlytothekitchen.Theydecidedtoboiltheporridgefirst.TheyputsomericeintoapotofwaterandleftittoboilwhiletheymadetheFrenchtoast.Jeffbroketwoeggsintoaplateandaddedinsomemilk.Jennafoundthebreadandputtwoslicesintotheeggmixture.Next,Jeffturnedonthesecondstoveburnertoheatupthefryingpan.EverythingwasgoingsmoothlyuntilJeffstartedfryingthebread.Thepanwastoohotandthebreadturnedblackwithinseconds.Jennathrewtheburntpieceintothesinkandputintheothersliceofbread.Thistime,sheturneddownthefiresoitcookednicely.ThenJeffnoticedsteamshootingoutofthepotandthelidstartingtoshake.Thenextminute,theporridgeboiledoverandputoutthefire.Jennapanicked.Thankfully,Jeffstayedcalmandturnedoffthegasquickly.Butthestovewasamessnow.JennatoldJefftocleanitupsotheycouldcontinuetocooktherestoftheporridge.ButJeff’shandtouchedthehotburnerandhegaveacryofpain.Jennamadehimputhishandincoldwater.Thenshecaughtthesmellofburning.Ohdear!Thepieceofbreadinthepanhadturnedblackaswell.注意:续写词数应为150个左右。Asthetwinslookedaroundthemindisappointment,theirfatherappeared._____________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________Thetwinscarriedthebreakfastupstairsandwoketheirmotherup._____________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________Step1:厘清写作主题把握写作走向要素描述主题whenMother’sDay本文以母亲节为线索展开,讲述了双胞胎Jenna和Jeff为了献给母亲一份美味的早餐,自己动手做起早餐来,但不幸的是,他们接连失败,后来在父亲的帮助下获得成功,他们把早餐献给亲爱的母亲,母亲非常感动的故事。whereAthomewhoThetwins—JeffandJennawhatThepairpreparedbreakfastfortheirmother.whyTheywantedtogivetheirmotherasurprise.Step2:寻找两条主线深挖续写要点文段线索文脉线索前文情感线excited→disappointed故事线First,theyboiledtheporridge.→Next,theymadetheFrenchtoast.→Asliceofbreadturnedblack.→Thentheyfoundtheporridgeboiledoverandputoutthefire.→Theotherpieceofbreadturnedblack,too.续写要点1.Theymadethebreadandthenwentoncookingporridge.2.TheirmotherwassurprisedtofindthebreakfastcookedbyJeffandJenna.Step3:精研每段首句做好起承转合根据所给续文段落首句产生问题链接,形成续写思路,采用G-N(Given-New)和Q-A(Question-Answer)策略,做好起承转合,创造新的情节。Paragraph1:Asthetwinslookedaroundthemindisappointment,theirfatherappeared.Q1:WhatwasFather’sfirstinstinctwhenfacedwiththemess?Q2:Howdidthetwinsexplaintheirplantotheirfather?Q3:WhatdidFatherdotohelpthetwinstomakedeliciousFrenchtoastandchickenporridge?Paragraph2:Thetwinscarriedthebreakfastupstairsandwoketheirmotherup.Q1:WhatwasMother’sfirstinstinctwhenthetwinswokeherup?Q2:WouldthetwinsgiveMotherabigsurprise?HowdidtheyexpresstheirbestwishestoMother?Q3:HowdidMotherfeel?Howcanyoudesigntheendingmoreappealingandmeaningful?续写第一段梗概Theirfatherhelpedthemadjustthefireandtheypreparedbreakfastsuccessfully.Howhappytheywere!续写第二段梗概Thetwins’motherwassurprisedtoseethedeliciousandperfectbreakfastinfrontofher.Shewasdeeplymovedbyherchildren.Step4:吃透语言特点保持风格一致为了使所写的内容和语言和原文保持连贯性和一致性,读后续写需要通过在理解原文的基础上,巧妙利用“拉平效应”,创造性地模仿和使用语言,即继承原文语言表达方面的显著特征,包括写作手法及语言表达技巧,从而一方面保证写作的效率和流畅度,另一方面保证写作在各个语言层次和表达风格上和原文保持一致。通过分析语篇,可以从五个方面理解原文的语言应用技巧:1.场景描写(Surroundings)场景描写指的是描写人、物、事发生的时间、地点、自然环境及社会场景等。场景描写可以充当背景信息,提供人、物、事发生的具体设定。其次,场景描写可以表达角色的感情、情绪,可以随着情节的发展有所变化,甚至可以提示、推动情节的发展,增强语篇的代入感。2.动作描写(Actions)动作描写指的是描写人物在具体情况下的行为举止,是情节发展的具体体现。恰到好处的动作描写不仅可以塑造生动形象的人物,还可以反映人物的情感态度及心理变化,并最终反映人物的性格特点及思想品质。3.心理描写(Feelings)心理描写指的是描写人物在具体情况下的看法、感受、情感及心理活动,并由此反映人物的性格特点及思想品质。心理描写除了对心理的直接描写,还可以结合动作描写及场景描写,共同构成有意义、紧凑的语篇。4.有效对话(EffectiveDialogues)有效对话是记叙语篇中塑造人物的一个重要手段。对话的有效性首先体现在符合人物设定,这样不仅能够有效地推动情节的发展,更能够增加记叙的生动性。此外,对话语言也要符合记叙语篇的语言特点,即生活化、简化及去书面化。5.修辞(Figuresofspeech)修辞是增加语言生动性的最佳手段。它可以引起共鸣,使抽象的情境具体化。常见的可以应用的修辞有比喻、拟人、夸张和排比等。考场满分作文1:Asthetwinslookedaroundthemindisappointment,theirfatherappeared.①Father’sappearingwaslikeasaviortothetwochildren.②Undertheguidanceoftheirfather,theytookpositiveactionandstartedalloveragain.Theymadethebreadandthenwentoncookingporridge.Fatherhelpedthemadjustthefire,③whichwasthekeytosuccess.Itwasallrightthistime.Deliciousbreakfastwasready.④Howhappytheywere!Thetwinscarriedthebreakfastupstairsandwoketheirmotherup.⑤Whentheirmothersawthedeliciousandperfectbreakfastinfrontofher,shewasverysurprised.⑥Itwasnotonlythegift,buttheloveofthechildrenforherthatmovedherverymuch.Thetwochildrencouldfinishcookingabreakfast,whichshedidn’texpect.Thechildrensaidloudly,⑦“HappyMother’sDay!”⑧Motherhuggedthemtightlyandkissedthemagainandagain.评卷老师点评:①过渡自然流畅。②时态、语境和前文相互照应。③使用高分句式。④使用高分句式。⑤使用高分句式。⑥使用并列结构。⑦使用直接引语,生动真实。⑧动作及情感表达真实细腻。考场满分作文2:Asthetwinslookedaroundthemindisappointment,theirfatherappeared.Facedwiththemessthetwinshadmadeofthekitchen,Fatherfeltannoyedbuttriedtocontainhimself.Jennaranuptohim,whispering“We...WejustwanttomakebreakfastforMomasMother’sDaygift.”Afterhelearnedwhatallwasabout,hisannoyancegavewaytoreliefanddelight.Immediately,hejoinedthemandtheystartedalloveragain.SoontheFrenchtoastandchickenporridgewereready.Thekitchenfilledwiththescentofbreakfastandsweetnessofafamily.Lookingatthework,thethreeexchangedanunderstandingsmile.Aftersignalingthemtokeepitasecret,Fatherslippedintothebedroom,pretendingtoknownothingaboutit.Thetwinscarriedthebreakfastupstairsandwoketheirmotherup.Stillalittlesleepy,Motherfailedtofigureoutwhattheywereupto.“HappyMother’sDay!”Thetwinscongratulated.“Wemadebreakfastforyouasyoudothatforus.Mom,weloveyou!”Thoughstillinherpajamas,Mothertookabiteofthetoastandsippedthehotporridge.Lostinthedeliciousbreakfastandpurelovefromhertwins,shesobbed,withdelightfultearsstreamingdownherface.Lovingly,shepressedtwogentlekissesontheirforeheads,proudlyenjoyingtheirbestwishes.Theirfatherwasstandinginthedoorway,recordingthistouchingscene.ThewholeroomwasbathedinahappyMother’sDayatmosphere.评卷老师点评:文章用词精准(whisper,understanding,signal,pretend,lostin,streamdown,proudly等),句式高级(非谓语动词、独立主格和介词with的复合结构等),通过动作、对话和心理活动等描写,生动、形象地呈现了双胞胎孩子在母亲节为妈妈做早餐,献上一份特别的节日礼物和惊喜。考场满分作文3:Asthetwinslookedaroundthemindisappointment,theirfatherappeared.Seeingthemess,Fatherfrozewithshock,asifrootedontheground.Fromtheblackbreadandthespilledporridge,hesuddenlyfiguredouttheirsecret.Asmileofunderstandingflashedacrosshisface.Herealizedtheirintention.HejoinedtheminpreparingtheMother’sDaysurpriseimmediately.Theystartedalloveragain.Everythingwentsmoothly.Thechickenandriceweredancingharmoniouslyintheboilingwaterpotandbreadsliceswereshowingoffitsmosttremendousgoldencolor.SoontheFrenchtoastandchickenporridgewereready.Thekitchenfilledwiththescentofbreakfastandsweetnessofafamily.Despitetheoilstainsonthetwins’aprons,nothingseemedimperfect,anda