2024届高考英语作文复习专项续写讲义：绍兴二模续写分析 讲义素材

续写讲义：绍兴二模续写分析讲义阅读下面材料，根据其内容和所给段落开头语续写两段，使之构成一篇完整的短文。Kevinwoketotheblaringbeepofhisalarmclock."Can'twaitforthatcampingtrip,"Kevinthought,filledwithexcitement.Ashewasleavinghome,hisdadgrabbedhimbythehandandsaid,"Beforeyougo,justtellmethedirectionsonwhereyouandyourfriendsaregoingtostay.""Butdad!"Kevincomplained."Nobuts!"Kevin'sdadadded."Fine."Kevintoldhimthedirectionsandleft.Thethreefriends,Kevin,JayandNathan,hadbeenplanningthisadventureforweeks,packingtheirstuff-tents,snacks,andamap-preparingfora3-dayoutdoorexploration.ExcitementranthroughKevinastheydepartedfortheircampsite."Thistripisgoingtobeawesome,"Nathanexcitedlyyelledastheysetoff.Butlittledidtheyknowthatnaturehadasurpriseinstoreforthem.Thefirstdayatthecampsitewasgoinggreat,settinguptents,collectingfirewood,andsharingstories."Man,wenailedthesetents,"Kevinsaid."Iknowitwaseasyreally,"Nathanreplied.Thefriendswerehappy.Yettowardsnight,asthedarkcloudsgatheredoverhead,theatmosphereshifted,andasuddenstormeruptedwithunforgivinganger.Rainpoureddownfromtheheavenslikearelentlesswaterfall,transformingthepeacefulcampsiteintoamuddybattleground.Worsestill,ahugetreewasuprootedandcrasheddownwithadeafeningcrackontheironlymeansofescape-theircar.Kevin'seyeswidenedinhorrorashespottedthedamagedwreckagebeneaththefallengiant."Ourcar!"hescreamedoverthehowlingwind,hisvoiceamixofdisbeliefanddespair."We'restuckhere,"hedeclared,hiswordsbarelyaudibleagainstthebackdropofthunderandraindrops.Theyrealizedthattheirplanshadbeenviolentlyspoiledbyforcesbeyondtheircontrol.Theoncequietcampsitenowstoodasadesertedbattlefield,thefallentreeservingasapainfulreminderoftheunpredictablenatureoftheworldaroundthem.注意：1.

续写词数应为150左右；2.

请按如下格式在答题卡的相应位置作答。Paragraph1:Thenextday,theyfoundthemselvesfacingtheimmediateproblemoffindingwater.Paragraph2:Onthethirdnight,adistantenginesoundbroketheterriblestillness.52143法解读：5W解读、2条线索，1个主题，4句框架和3大原则第一步：Analyzethestory：5Ws

解读who

whenwherewhatwhy

Who---Kevin:theson;Kevin’sdad;JayandNathan(Kevin’sfriends)分析：

全文以Kevin

为主要视角讲述故事。Paragraph1:Thenextday,

they

foundthemselvesfacingtheimmediateproblemoffindingwater.

第一段人物落在Kevin

和他两位好友身上。Paragraph2:Onthethirdnight,

adistantenginesound

broketheterriblestillness.

第二段人物落在Kevin’sdad

和Kevin等三个朋友身上。When---threedaysatthecampsite

根据原文：thefirstday---thefirstnightParagraph1:

Thenextday,theyfoundthemselvesfacingtheimmediateproblemoffindingwater.Paragraph2:

Onthethirdnight,adistantenginesoundbroketheterriblestillness.分析：共三天的露营经历，第一天加晚上原文提供。第一段是第二天白天，晚上加第三天白天。第二段发生在第三天晚上。注意两段续写里的时间衔接合理性。Where---atthecampsiteinthewilderness.分析：续写两段都地点设定在野外露营地，第一段地点根据theimmediateproblemoffindingwater地点可以移动到如river,stream,brook等溪流地。第二段仍然在露营地，最后可以（但不是必须）转场回家，点主题。What

：Kevin

和两好朋友去野外露营遇到大雨被困最后被救的故事。Why

：主题语境为人与自然。通过大自然给人的unpredictablesurprise，既讲述野外露营的安全性问题又强调面对困境人所表现的问题解决能力以及展现的勇敢和坚韧的品质。符合自然灾害与防范，安全常识与自我保护内容要求的考查。第二步：2143抓两线索,定一个主题,写四个框架句，并基于三个原则分析问题冲突和伏笔求变化和解决方案。一）2条线索：故事线：Kevin和他两个朋友去露营，结果在营地遇到暴雨，并连根拔起一株大树砸在他们唯一的逃生车子上。情感线：eagerness(forcamping)---excitement(atthestartingtrip)---happiness(onthefirstday)---horror(atstormynight)---desperation/courage/resilience/determination(thenextdayinP1)---hope/exhilaration/reflection(onthethirdnightinP2)二）1个主题：本文主题可以聚焦在：1）野外露营计划告知第三方人的重要性（安全常识）；2）在野外遇到险情或自然灾害展开自救所需要的勇气，坚韧，互助和智慧（自我保护）。本文主题应去亲情化（很多学生落笔于lovebetweenfatherandtheson，属于跑偏）。三）4个框架句：写读后续写不同于写其它作文，有可能需要先倒着写的Step1:

先把最后一句写好，即：主题句Backhome,Kevin'sdadsaid,“Goodthingyoutoldmethosedirections,”teachingthemtheimportanceofinformingsomeoneaboutplans.Theexperienceturnedintotalesofcourageandresilience,embeddedintheirmemoriesaslessonsforalifetime.Step2:

再把衔接句写好，即第一段的最后一句：Theirnerveswereneartheedgeofbreakingdownafterlonghoursofuncertaintyinthewilderness.Step3:

紧接着每段的提示语句运用主位推进手法写角色的动作和情感反应：Thenextday,theyfoundthemselvesfacingtheimmediateproblemoffindingwater.

Theboyspushedthroughthebushes,andthesearchforwatersoondrainedtheirenergy.Onthethirdnight,adistantenginesoundbroketheterriblestillness.

“Itmustbemydad!”Kevinyelled.

四）接下来就是把每段的中间补充完整，记住三大原则：1.Action—Response原则：角色A的所言、所行、所感、所想会引起其它角色的一系列反应的。如对话必点题，也就是说在续写中不鼓励角色之间用直接引语进行对话，可以用运用情感加具体动作的白描手法进行respond,推动情节。2.Conflict—Solution原则：一般而言第二段会有问题的solution，比如本文的

solution根据adistantenginesound就知道是Kevin的爸爸开车来救了。有些学生写了therescueteam,alltheparents等文中没出现的人物来营救，在续写中不妥。同时思考：续写的solution出现位置是不是千篇一律的第二段？能否在第一段出现一个问题，然后把它解决了。这都要基于对两段首句的仔细研读。3.Negative—Positive原则：写作中一定要体现情感的变化，无论前面是这样的变化，最终都是积极的。下面根据本文的原文伏笔点（Problem/conflict/foreshadow）思考如何呼应解决（Solution/change/echo）原文伏笔(foreshadow\problem)解读分析(analysis/reason)续写呼应(change/solution)"Fine."Kevintold

himthedirectionsandleft.

暗示第二段adistantenginesound是爸爸开车来救。也暗示野外露营告知父母信息的安全常识的重要性Acar

slowlypulleduptotheircampsiteandafamiliarfigurerushedto

them---Yes!ItwasKevin’sdad!Thethreefriends,Kevin,JayandNathan,had

beenplanningthisadventureforweeks,packingtheirstuff-tents,snacks,

andamap-preparingfora3-dayoutdoorexploration.他们所带的东西供三天露营用，跟续写段落第三天晚上被救合扣，说明当时三人可以饥饿恐惧担心但不至于饿昏等更严重的结果。原文提到他们所带之物没水，说明第一段必须得去寻水。所带之物里有map暗示此为寻水时候的工具。After

examiningthemap,theyfollowedthetrailuntiltheyfoundarelentless

waterfall

cascadingdownthemountain

andflowingintoariver,whichsolvedtheirwatercrisis.Butlittledidtheyknowthat

naturehadasurpriseinstoreforthem.

Asurprise

是文章的题眼，暗示主题可以围绕它进行反思提升，也就是聚焦在自然带给他们的问题theirplanshadbeenviolentlyspoiledby

forcesbeyondtheircontrol，反思在unpredictablenature中进行camping

的安全常识和相应品质的培养。Backhome,

Kevin'sdadsaid,“Goodthingyoutoldmethosedirections,”teachingthem

theimportanceofinformingsomeoneaboutplans.Theexperienceturnedinto

talesofcourageandresilience,embeddedintheirmemoriesaslessonsfora

lifetime.

基于以上分析，设置情节如下：Paragraph1:

Thenextday,theyfoundthemselvesfacingtheimmediateproblemoffindingwater.Q1：Whatdidtheydoandfeel?(waterseeking/exhaustion/hunger.)Theysearchedforwaterbutsoongottiredandhungry.Q2：Whatdifficultydidtheyencounterduringtheprocess?(energy

burnout/encouragement/cooperation)Theywantedtogiveup,butKevinencouragedthemtogoonandlaterheardthesoundofwater.Q3：

Whatwastheresult/theirfeelinginthe

wilderness?(stream/river/brook/scare/uncertainty/hopelessness)Theyfoundastream.Buttheyfeltveryscaredwaitinginthedarknessofthewilderness.Paragraph2:

Onthethirdnight,adistantenginesoundbroketheterriblestillness.Q1:Whocameandwhatweretheirfeelings?(Kevin’sfather/surprise)ItwasKevin’sfather.Theyfeltrelieved.Q2：Whatwastheirinteractionandfeelings?(gratitude,andoverwhelmingjoy)Kevin’sfathertookthemhome.Theyfeltgratefulandjoyful.Q3：Whatwastheirreflection/lesson?(theme)Itwasimportanttoinformpeopleofthedirectioninadvance.语言表达

一）升级1.Theysearchedforwaterbutsoongottiredandhungry.Polished:Theboyspushedthroughthebushes,andthesearchforwatersoondrainedtheirenergy.(细节动词，无灵主语)2.Theywantedtogiveup,butKevinencouragedthemtogoonandlaterheardthesoundofwater.Polished:Theywereabouttogiveupwhentheyheardasmallsound,asplashofsomesort.

（固定句式；同位语）3.Theyfoundastream.Buttheyfeltveryscaredwaitinginthedarknessofthewilderness.Polished:Theyranasfastastheycouldandfoundasmallstream-alifelineinallthechallenges.However,withtimepassingby,morechallengeemerged-limitedfood,frightfulnightfilledwithwildernesssounds,andtheuncertaintyofsurvivalinthewild.Theirnerveswereneartheedgeofbreakingdownafterlonghoursofuncertaintyinthewilderness.（固定词组，with短语）4.ItwasKevin’sfather.Theyfeltrelieved.Polished:“Itmustbemydad!”Kevinyelled.Reliefwashedoverthewearyfacesastheywitnessedtheapproachofaruggedvehicle,withheadlightscuttingthroughthedarkness-abeaconofhopeamidsttheperil.5.Kevin’sfathertookthemhome.Theyfeltgratefulandjoyful.Itwasimportanttoinformpeopleofthedirectioninadvance.Polished:Thejourneybackwasfilledwithsurvivalstoriesandlessonslearned,deepeningtheirunderstandingofthewilderness.Backhome,Kevin'sdadsaid,“Goodthingyoutoldmethosedirections,”teachingthemtheimportanceofinformingsomeoneaboutplans.Theexperienceturnedintotalesofcourageandresilience,embeddedintheirmemoriesaslessonsforalifetime.参考范文：Thenextday,theyfoundthemselvesfacingtheimmediateproblemoffindingwater.Theboyspushedthroughthebushes,andthesearchforwatersoondrainedtheirenergy.Theywereabouttogiveupwhentheyheardasmallsound,asplashofsomesort.“Wait!Didyouhearthat?”Jay’svoicesoundedhelpfulastheyfollowedthefaintsoundofthewater.“Metoo!Let'skeepgoing,”,Kevinencouraged,soundingdetermined.Theyranasfastastheycouldandfoundasmallstream-alifelineinallthechallenges.However,withtimepassingby,morechallengeemerged-limitedfood,frightfulnightfilledwithwildernesssounds,andtheuncertaintyofsurvivalinthewild.Theirnerveswereneartheedgeofbreakingdownafterlonghoursofuncertaintyinthewilderness.Onthethirdnight,adistantenginesoundbroketheterriblestillness.“Itmustbemydad!”Kevinyelled.Reliefwashedoverthewearyfacesastheywitnessedtheapproachofaruggedvehicle,withheadlightscuttingthroughthedarkness-abeaconofhopeamidsttheperil.Kevin'sdadsteppedouttomeetthegroup.Theemotionsthatplayedacrosstheirfaces-disbelief,gratitude,andoverwhelmingjoy-mirroredthesharedtroublethathadforgedadeepbondamongthem.Thejourneybackwasfilledwithsurvivalstoriesandlessonslearned,deepeningtheirunderstandingofthewilderness.Backhome,Kevin'sdadsaid,“Goodthingyoutoldmethosedirections,”teachingthemtheimportanceofinformingsomeoneaboutplans.Theexperienceturnedintotalesofcourageandresilience,embeddedintheirmemoriesaslessonsforalifetime.语言表达：二）场景paragraph1Scene1:积极寻水，互相鼓励1.Theboyspushedthroughthebushes,andthesearchforwatersoondrainedtheirenergy.Theywereabouttogiveupwhentheyheardasmallsound,asplashofsomesort.2.Dependentonthemap,theysearchedthesurroundingsandtheireyesstrainedtolookforpurewatersource,yetonlytofindnothingbutamazeoftoweringpinesencirclingthem.Scene2:

被困野外，疲惫惊恐3.However,withtimepassingby,morechallengeemerged-limitedfood,frightfulnightfilledwithwildernesssounds,andtheuncertaintyofsurvivalinthewild.Theirnerveswereneartheedgeofbreakingdownafterlonghoursofuncertaintyinthewilderness.4.Feargnawingattheirhearts,theywerestrandedinthemiddleofnowhereandwereplungedintopitchdarkness.Afteraharvestlessday,themellowtwilightsmoothlyveiledtehskylineandthetranquilityprevailedovertheforest,butnoneofthebeautywasadmiredbythethreewearinghearts.Struckbydespairandremorse,Kevinhadnothingtodobutprayisdadcouldcometorescuethem.Tothem,secondsdraggedbylikecenturies