2016年10月浙江高考读后续写讲评.pptx

2016年10月高考真卷 读后续写讲评 第二节 读后续写（满分25分） 阅读下面短文，根据所给情节进行续写，使之构成一个完整的故事。 One weekend in July, Jane and her husband, Tom, had driven three hours to camp overnight by a lake in the forest. Unfortunately, on the way an unpleasant subject came up and they started to quarrel. By the time they reached the lake, Jane was so angry that she said to Tom, “Im going to find a better spot for us to camp” and walked away. With no path to follow, Jane just walked on for quite a long time. After she had climbed to a high place, she turned around, hoping to see the lake. To her surprise, she saw nothing but forest and, far beyond, a snowcapped mountain top. She suddenly realized that she was lost. “Tom!” she cried. “Help!” No reply. If only she had not left her mobile phone in that bag with Tom. Jane kept moving, but the farther she walked, the more confused she became. As night was beginning to fall, Jane was so tired that she had to stop for the night. Lying awake in the dark, Jane wanted very much to be with Tom and her family. She wanted to hold him and tell him how much she loved him. Jane rose at the break of day, hungry and thirsty. She could hear water trickling (滴落) somewhere at a distance. Quickly she followed the sound to a stream. To her great joy, she also saw some berry bushes. She drank and ate a few berries. Never in her life had she tasted anything better. Feeling stronger now, Jane began to walk along the stream and hope it would lead her to the lake. As she picked her way carefully along the stream, Jane heard a helicopter. Is that for me? Unfortunately, the trees made it impossible for people to see her from above. A few minutes later, another helicopter flew overhead. Jane took off her yellow blouse, thinking that she should go to an open area and flag them if they came back again. But no more helicopters came and it was dark. _ _ _ It was daybreak when Jane woke up. _ _ _ _ 续写批改要求： 语言-功能与目的是否完成了交际任务，即，意义的表达与传达。Writer表达的与 Reader理解的是否一致。写的东西是否make sense, 正确和完整性。 给分档次 融洽度：人物，地点，事件等与前文相符合。晚上Jane做了生么？从Jane的角度去 写。这样衔接才合理。 “文气”-读起来通畅，舒服。 关键词对续写起框定和引导作用： 人物： Jane / Tom 环境：the forest 器物：helicopter / yellow blouse 动作：walked / climbed 内容如何丰富： 1）同义词 、 反义词替换。 2）故事情节上下功夫。 注意： 不要刻意地使用所谓的高频词汇与语法结构。 写作是为了意义的妥切传 达。 15分为及格分。 批卷时：先确定档次，再定给分。以语言为主，情节次之。 全抄的零分，拼凑的有意义的，给12分。 少于130个字的扣2分。 考生的典型错误：用否定造句，中式化，词性用错： I dont familiar with Canada. If your family have special culture I should know. It is the first time that I go to Canada. I would appreciated that / I feel appreciated if I will arrived there a exchange student I look forward to meet you I will arrive in 2017.6.1 I hope you can write to me quickly (soon). I will become a exchange student go to Canada I will arrive in April 8th Can you tell me what should I have to prepare pick up me I am nervous Because I dont know any whom I very like reading books I have some problems that what can I do for the study I will arrive after 2 months 表达尚可： 1.I truly cant wait 2.Thrilledly, I will come and live in your home. 3.Im convinced that we will live in harmony with each other. 4. As scheduled, my plane will take off / arrive on My plane is due to arrive on 5.In order to have a perfect experience, I am supposed to make some necessary preparations. 6. May I have a room with access to the Internet? 7. I wonder if you could offer me some advice/ suggestions 8. This being my first trip to.I feel 9. Would you so kind as to pick me up at the airport? 10. So active am I that I believe it will be a wonderful experience with your family. 11. It is no denying the fact that we will have a wonderful experience together. 12. Words fail to express my gratitude 13. Im Li Hua, an exchange student who are ( am) pleased to live with you next term. 14. So confused am I that I have no idea what to prepare for this trip. Looking forward to your reply at your earliest convenience. Im writing to inform you that I will go to Canada next term as an exchange student. 样卷1 (23分) But no more helicopters came and it was getting dark again. Feeling scared and helpless, Jane sat beside a tree and held her shoulder in her arms to make herself warm. Slowly, the sun hid himself behind the moutains, and it was hard to see anything. Looking through the thick darkness, Jane seemed to see Toms smiling face. She said to herself for thousands times that she would not leave Tom again. With a mind to find him, Jane strated to look for the lake in darkness. An hour later, she was too tired. She lay down on a rock. It was daybreak when Jane woke up.It was a foggy day. Jane climbed down the rock. She heard the sound of the stream, so she walked toward the water. She suddenly heard someones voice. To her great joy, it was Tom! He rushed to her and hugger his wife firmly. Their cry which was full of happiness broke the silence in the forest. After several minutes, when the fog was swept by the wind, Jane figured out everything: last night she walked here accidentally. Tom recognized her by the yellow blouse in the morning. Most amazing, it was the car that Jane slept on rather than a rock! 样卷2（18分） But no more helicopters came and it was getting dark again.Jane became more and more nervous. She thought she would be starve to death this time. How she wish a helicopter could come. But it didnt happen. She continued to walk to find an open area so that he could flag her yellow blouse. However, it was too dark to look around clearly. So Jane made a decision. She didnt want to go on any more. She was so tired and find an area which was full of grass. She sleept soon. It was daybreak when Jane woke up. She was very hungry and thirsty. She remembered the stream where she had looked. She walked back along the path. “If I didnt quarrel with Tom, If I stay with Tom, didnt walked away. We must have a good and romantic evening.” Jane began to cry, When she felt hopeless, a helicopter came again. To her great joy, Tom stood at front of her at a distance. Jane was shocked and ran towards him. They hugged each other tightly. Tom said, “I wont leave you alone any more.”Fortunately, Jane was found and they continued their exciting journey. 样卷3 . (15分) But no helicopters came and it was getting dark again，Jane felt so disappointed and lone. No one was here but her, and she had nothing with her. But she didnt like before, she had realized that Tom was thinking idea to help her. So she should keep herself safety to wait for help. In addition, she made a plan that she should reach the lake on the morning. Because the lake was the comply place. Then she fell into asleep. It was daybreak when Jane woke up. Jane already had her plan so she need do it. After several hours she reached the lake and heard the helicopter again. She felt excited and shooked her yellow blouse to make others see her. Finally she saw Tom and rushed to him and gave him a big hug. Sha said in cry, “ I shouldnt annoy you. I shouldnt walk away by myself . Im wrong and I really love you.” Tom forgave her and finally they lived in a better relationship than before. 样卷4 （13分） But no more helicopters came and it was getting dark again. Jane was very disappointed, but she didnt give up. She still kept walking, and tried her best to find the lake, she was screamed when he walked on the road. In the end, because she was too tired that she stopped to scream. She climbed a high place and fall asleep quickly. But Toms face crowded in her mind before she closed her eyes. It was daybreak when Jane woke up. To her surprised, she found Tom was alongside her! She asked Tom why she was in there. Tom said he called the polce to help him, and they drived the helicopter the found her laid in a high place. Jane was so moved , then she told Tom how much she loved him, and promised she will never do it again! Tom was very happy and they never have some quarrels. 考生作文 1. (23-24 ) But no helicopters came and it was getting dark again. Jane was sad. She sat by the stream, resting her aching feet. If I hadnt quarreled with Tom, I wouldnt have to be here. Jane thought regretfully, with tears welling up in her eyes. She wanted to say sorry to Tom for losing her temper. However, the only thing she could do was lie by the stream and wait for help. It was getting late and Jane fell asleep. It was daybreak when Jane woke up. She stood up to find something to eat. She walked and walked until she came to an open area where water and berries were available. Suddenly, she heard a helicopter. She took off her yellow blouse and began shaking it widely, hoping someone could see her. She shouted out “Tom”. The helicopter slowed down and landed on the ground. With the door open, Tom ran out. Seeing Jane, he was so excited and couldnt contain his joy. He hugged Jane tightly. “Tom, I wont lose my temper again. I want to stay with you forever.” Jane said in tears. 2. (23分) But no helicopters came and it was getting dark again. Feeling scared and helpless, Jane sat beside a tree and held her shoulder in her arms to make herself warmer. Slowly, the sun hod himself behind the mountains, and it was hard to see anything. Looking through the thick darkness, Jane seemed to see Toms smiling face. She said to himself for thousands times that she would not leave Tom again. With a mind to find him, Jane started to look for the lake in darkness. An hour later, she was too tired, so she lay down on a rock. It was daybreak when Jane woke up. It was a foggy day. Jane climed down the rock, she heard the sound of the stream, so she walked towards the water, she suddenly heard someones voice. To her great joy, it was Tom! He rushed to her wife fimly. Their cry which was full of hapiness broke the silence in the forest . After several minutes, when the fog was swept by the wind, Jane figured out everything: last night she walked here accidently. Tom recoganized her by the yellow biouse in the morning. Most amazing, it was their car that Jane selpt on rather than a rock. 3. (20分) But no helicopters came and it was getting dark again . Jane was too tired to walk. Then she sat on a stone, drinking and eating a few berries. Althoug it was dark, she could also see the stream. She shouted, “ Tom, Im waiting for you here, I love you!” And she believed that her family will come soon when she wake up tomorrow. Eventually, she slept quietly and smiled. It was daybreak when Jane woke up. Fortunately, it seemed that there was a helicopter coming at a distance. She stood up and walked towards the sound. She followed the sound and shouted; “Help me! Im here!”. While climbing to an open area, she watched a helicopter, she waved her yellow blouse and shouted, “Hey, please help me, stop! stop!. To her great joy, the helicopter stopped. A few minutes later, she hesrd that there are many people walking to her, Eventually, Tom ran to her quickly and hugged her “ Jane, Im coming!” They smiled with the tear running out. 4. (15分) But no helicopters came and it was getting dark again， Jane felt so disappointed and lone. No one was here but her, and she had nothing with her. But she didnt like before, she had realized that Tom was thinking idea to help her. So she should keep herself safety to wait for help. In addition, she made a plan that she should reach the lake on the morning. Because the lake was the comply place. Then she fell into asleep. It was daybreak when Jane woke up. Jane already had her plan so she need do it. After several hours she reached the lake and heard the helicopter again. She felt excited and shooked her yellow blouse to make others see her. Finally she saw Tom and rushed to him and gave him a big hug. Sha said in cry, “ I shouldnt annoy you. I shouldnt walk away by myself . Im wrong and I really love you.” Tom forgave her and finally they lived in a better relationship than before. 5. ( 12分) But no helicopters came and it was getting dark again，Jane started shouting, But she was tired very much. She didnt have power to shout right away. She started climbing the small mountain after resting. She heard a helicopter again. She responded. And then, Jane heard something to her. Right away Tom was running to her. Jane started crying, But she was too toyed to speak. Tom took her wife to home. It was daybreak when Jane woke up. Jane cried, said. “ I am sorry, Tom. I miss you. I want to tell you how much I love you. I am grateful, Thanks for you can fing me. You never give up me. I shouldnt walk away alone.” Finally, they kissed. (考生作文) （1） But no more helicopters came and it was getting dark again. Consumed by regret, Jane stood hopelessly, starting to blame herself. “How could I be so irresponsible to leave Tom and walk away irrationally?” Jane murmured. Tears blurred her eyes as the unspeakable anguish wrung her heart. However, all of a sudden, Toms handsome face popped into her mind, which reminded Jane of the significance of life. However harsh the present was, there was always a gleam of hope! On sober reflection, Jane determined to struggle a living. She came back to the stream, drank some water, and went to sleep to save her energy. It was daybreak when Jane woke up. To her great joy, she heard a helicopter again! She rushed to an open area, waving her yellow blouse frantically. Fortunately, the helicopter seemed to noti