《荆珂刺秦王》搞笑英语话剧剧本.doc

.荆珂刺秦王搞笑英语话剧剧本介绍：Long ago there was a crazy country, in this crazy country there were some crazy people, trying to show the crazy history by crazy ways. Mr Jingke was the most famous swordsman and was sent to kill king of Qing, “Yingzheng”. But finally he failed. Do you want to know what happened at that time? Okay, next show will tell you the truth.译：很久以前，有一个疯狂的国家，在这个疯狂的国家有一些疯狂的人，试图通过疯狂的方式来表达疯狂的历史。荆轲先生是最有名的剑客，被送往杀清，“嬴政”之王。但最后他失败了。你想知道发生了什么，在那个时候？好了，下一个节目会告诉你真相。Action 1太子丹（掏出镜子梳头，自恋状）：Mirror, mirror, tell me, who is the most pretty man in the world? (画外音：Its you, Prince Dan!) Thank u mirror! Im Prince Dan, the magic mirror said I am the most attractive man in the world. But Ying Zheng is a jealous guy, I feel he will kill me if mirror told him the truth. I am so scared. So what can I do? Where is my minister?阿三(毕恭毕敬) : Honey, I am coming.太子丹：Ive told you again and again that you should call me “my most beautiful，graceful ，handsome，charming，cute，smart and dearest Prince Dan”!阿三：Sure, honey! I have a good idea. We can find a hero to kill YingZheng.太子：Oh yeah. What is the most expensive commodity in this century? Talent! Good idea! But who is the right candidate?阿三：After screening I have two promising persons on hand. One is Miss LiMoChou, the other is Mr JingKe. Tomorrow they will PK for the NO.1 killer of the world.太子：Well, show me the winner as soon as possible, OK?阿三：Yes.译：太子丹：魔镜，魔镜，告诉我，谁是最美丽的人在世界上？ （画外音：是你，太子丹）感谢你镜子！我是太子丹，魔镜说我是世界上最有魅力的男人。但是嬴政是一个嫉妒的人，我觉得他会杀了我，如果魔镜告诉他真相。我很害怕。所以，我能做些什么？我的牧师在哪？阿三：亲爱的，我来了。太子丹：我一再告诉你，你应该叫我“我最美丽的，优雅的，英俊，迷人，可爱，聪明和最亲爱的太子丹！”阿三：当然，亲爱的！我有一个好主意。我们可以找到一个英雄杀嬴政太子：噢。什么是本世纪最昂贵的商品？ Talent！好主意！但是，谁是合适的人选？阿三：筛选后，我有这样两个前途的人。一个是李莫愁小姐，另一个是金科先生。明天他们将PK世界的NO1杀手。太子：嗯，尽快给我赢家，好不好？阿三：是的。Action 2荆轲 Are you Li mochou?李莫愁 Yes.荆轲 OK. Im Jingke, you know, I will let you know I am the king of the killers world.李莫愁 Are you challenging me?荆轲 Of course!李莫愁 Come on!音乐起，两人冲上前来：“人在江湖漂啊，哪有不挨刀啊，一刀砍死你啊，两刀砍死你啊.”李莫愁倒地，荆轲大笑李莫愁痛苦状：What happened? Why arent you hurt?荆轲: We dont need any reason to win a person. Dont we? Do we?李莫愁：Momma always said: Life is like a box of chocolates, Mochou. You never know what youre gonna get. I got it, Momma is right.荆轲再次大笑太子丹上（抱拳）：How are you?荆柯：Fine, thank you, and you?太子丹：Oh my God! Could you give me an innovative answer to “How are you”?荆柯：Sure!太子丹：How are you?荆柯：Fine, thank you, and your wife?太子丹晕倒荆柯：Hey, man, Im kidding!太子丹：Oh, Im kidding too!（毕恭毕敬）May I have your name card, please?荆轲从兜里掏出一卷纸，上面写着：To be or not to be, thats a question.阿三：Hero，we need your help.荆柯：I am busy now!太子丹：You can get a lot of money.荆柯：I am very busy now!阿三：IC, ID, IQ card?荆柯：I am very very busy now!阿三(手指美女，激动状): Look! She is the most beautiful girl in the world. If you say OK, she is yours.荆柯（流口水）：I have to say she is a very sexy and beautiful girl, but TCM is my only love!阿三：What? Whats the TCM?荆柯; Hey, guy! You look so smart but why you didnt know TCM? Any of them can give you the answer.阿三：Excuse me? Whats the TCM?观众甲：TCM - Traditional Chinese MM .太子丹：I must show you the trump card. Ladies and gentlemen, this is Lipton Slimming tea. It is a brand new product of Unilever China.荆柯（激动）：Slimming tea! I have dreamed of it for thousands of times. My wife always threatens to leave me if I couldnt reduce my weight.阿三：You want? Speak up if you want! Why do you keep silent? Why are you looking at me? Although your eyes are full of sincerity, Im very glad, you still have to speak up. Take it! Do you really like? Really?（No matter音乐起，荆轲先与阿三跳探戈，拥入怀中，又甩出去，阿三做呕吐状。然后荆轲与太子丹跳伦巴，最后太子丹摆一个女性化的造型，向后弯腰并抬其中一条腿，荆轲做调戏状。）译：荆柯(诚恳状) Just tell me what should I do? I will do anything for you.太子丹与阿三（撞胯，击掌）Yeah!荆轲 你是李莫愁？李莫愁 是。荆轲 好。我是荆轲，你知道的，我会让你知道我是杀手“世界之王。李莫愁 你在挑战我吗？荆轲 当然！耸耸肩表示同意李莫愁 加油！音乐起，两人冲上前来“人在江湖漂啊，哪有不挨刀啊，一刀砍死你啊，两刀砍死你啊.”李莫愁倒地，荆轲大笑李莫愁痛苦状：发生了什么事？你为什么不痛吗？荆轲：我们不需要任何理由来赢得一个人。赢一个人需要理由么，不需要么，需要么？李莫愁：妈妈常说：“人生就像一盒巧克力，莫愁湖你永远不知道你会得到什么。”我知道了，妈妈是对的。荆轲再次大笑太子丹上（抱拳）：你好吗？荆柯：好的，谢谢你，你呢？太子丹：噢，我的上帝！你能给我一个创新的答案，“你怎么样”？荆柯：当然！太子丹：你好吗？荆柯：好的，谢谢你，和你的妻子？太子丹晕倒荆柯：嘿，伙计，我是在开玩笑！太子丹：哦，我开玩笑太（毕恭毕敬）请问您的名片，请！？荆轲从兜里掏出一卷纸，上面写着：生存还是毁灭，这是一个问题。阿三：英雄，我们需要你们的帮助。荆柯：我现在很忙！太子丹：你可以得到很多钱。荆柯：我现在很忙！阿三：IC，ID，IQ卡？荆柯：我非常非常忙吧！阿三：你看！她是最美丽的女孩在世界上。如果你说O.K.，她是你的。荆柯：我不得不说她是一个非常性感和美丽的女孩，但中医是我唯一的爱！阿三：什么？什么是中医？荆柯;嘿，帅哥！你看起来很聪明，但你为什么不知道中医？任何人可以给你答案。阿三：你说什么？什么是中医？观众甲：中医 - 中国传统的MM。太子丹：我要告诉你的王牌。女士们，先生们，这是立顿减肥茶。这是联合利华中国的一个全新的产品。荆柯：减肥茶！我一直梦想着它的几千倍。我的妻子总是威胁要离开我，如果我不能减轻我的体重。阿三：你想要什么？说起来，如果你想要的！你为什么保持沉默？你为什么看着我？虽然你的眼睛是充满诚意的，我很高兴，你还是得说出来。拿去！你真的喜欢？真的吗？你不是真的想要吧？难道你真的想要吗.荆柯（诚恳状）告诉我该怎么办？我会为你做任何事情。太子丹与阿三（撞胯，击掌）是啊！Action 3荆珂挽着妻子，太子丹,阿三在后.阿三：Hero, we have already reached Yishui River.荆珂：Just stop here, please. Farewell, my friends太子丹：I will miss you, baby.（太子丹，阿三下。停顿。泰坦尼克号主题曲起，荆轲与妻子做Jack和rose在船头的经典造型，忽然荆轲看到一个美女此时一个中国古典美女经过，向荆轲抛媚眼，并抛下定情手绢。荆轲高兴的盯着美女看，妻子发觉不对，扭过头来。）荆珂（急忙收敛）：Darling, I love you.妻子：I love you! You mean more to me than anything in this whole world!荆珂(流泪) ：I love you more. In spite of you and me and the whole silly world going to pieces around us, I love you.妻子：Well. Be a man, just do it! I will be right here waiting for you.荆珂：Sweetheart! You must do me this honor. promise me you will survive. that you will never give up. no matter what happens. no matter how hopeless. promise me now, and never let go of that promise（泰坦尼克号沉船时，Jack对Rose的倾诉）妻子:I promise.荆轲:Never let go. “妻子:I promise. I will never let go, Jack. Ill never let go.妻子努力挤出几滴眼泪，荆珂上船，渐渐远去妻子：Its a good day to die. Never come back. Never Never妻子(掏出手机