You can get much further with a kind word and a gun than you can with a kind word alone.doc

There cannot be a crisis next week. My schedule is already full.Henry A. Kissinger On Halloween, the parents sent their kids out looking like me. Rodney Dangerfield. Sweater, n.: garment worn by child when its mother is feeling chilly. Ambrose Bierce. Last week I stated this woman was the ugliest woman I had ever seen. I have since been visited by her sister and now wish to withdraw that statement.Mark Twain There are now more TVs in British households than there are people - which is a bit of a worry.Prince Charles I once sent a dozen of my friends a telegram saying flee at once - all is discovered. They all left town immediately.Mark Twain If youre sick and tired of the politics of cynicism and polls and principles, come and join this campaign. George W Bush I like a man whos good, but not too good - for the good die young, and I hate a dead one.Mae West Submitted by Jayway1979 No matter where you go, there you are All of us learn to write in the second grade. Most of us go on to greater things.Bobby Knight He would make a lovely corpse.Charles Dickens When I was born my mother was terribly disappointed. Not that she wanted a girl - she wanted a divorce.Woody Allen Id call him a sadistic, hippophilic necrophile, but that would be beating a dead horse.Woody Allen Winning isnt everything - its the only thing.Vince Lombardi Those are my principles. If you dont like them I have others.Groucho Marx The generation of random numbers is too important to be left to chance.Robert R. Coveyou, Oak Ridge National Laboratory If it sells, its art.Frank Lloyd Computers can figure out all kinds of problems, except the things in the world that just dont add up. James Magary. Paying alimony is like feeding hay to a dead horse.Groucho Marx Submitted by Hannah c WillyThat when I was in a band camp is old .what about grandma telling u the story of the time I was a porn star Dont you wish there were a knob on the TV to turn up the intelligence? Theres one marked Brightness, but it doesnt work.Gallagher There is only one immutable law in life - in a gentlemans toilet, incoming traffic has the right of way.Hugh Leonard Im not cynical. Just experienced. Mail your packages early so the post office can lose them in time for Christmas. Johnny Carson. England and America are two countries divided by a common language.Bernard Shaw There will always be a battle between the sexes because men and women want different things. Men want women and women want men.George Burns I dont believe in mathematics.Albert Einstein I like children - fried.W.C. Fields Honesty is the best policy - when there is money in it.Mark Twain Some mornings, its just not worth chewing through the leather straps.Emo Philips I generally avoid temptation unless I cant resist it.Mae West Time and Tide wait for no man, but time always stands still for a woman of thirty. Robert Frost. You can tell alot about a fellows character by his way of eating jellybeans.Ronald Reagan. Life is a sexually transmitted disease and the mortality rate is one hundred percent.R.D. Laing. More than any time in history mankind faces a crossroads. One path leads to despair and utter hopelessness, the other to total extinction. Let us pray that we have the wisdom to choose correctly.Woody Allen If it werent for electricity wed all be watching television by candlelight.George Gobol. Sometimes I wonder if men and women really suit each other. Perhaps they should live next door and just visit now and then.Katharine Hepburn Part of the inhumanity of the computer is that, once it is competently programmed and working smoothly, it is completely honest.Isaac Asimov Welcome to President Bush, Mrs. Bush, and my fellow astronauts. Dan Quayle In this world there are only two tragedies. One is not getting what one wants, and the other is getting it.Oscar Wilde Im an idealist. I dont know where Im going, but Im on my way.Carl Sandburg Only one man in a thousand is a leader of men, the other 999 follow women.Groucho Marx Chaos Theory is a new theory invented by scientists panicked by the thought that the public were beginning to understand the old ones. Mike Barfield. I often take exercise. Why only yesterday I had breakfast in bed.Oscar Wilde Im glad Im not Brezhnev. Being the Russian leader in the Kremlin. You never know if someones tape recording what you say.Richard Nixon. The realization that one is to be hanged in the morning concentrates the mind wonderfully.Samuel Johnson He who hesitates is a damned fool.Mae West Im astounded by people who want to know the universe when its hard enough to find your way around Chinatown.Woody Allen My father used to play with my brother and me in the yard. Mother would come out and say, Youre tearing up the grass. Were not raising grass, Dad would reply. Were raising boys. Harmon Killebrew. Adding manpower to a late software project makes it laterF. Brooks, The Mythical Man-Month. Children nowadays are tyrants. They contradict their parents, gobble their food, and tyrannise their teachers.Socrates I was thrown out of college for cheating on the metaphysics exam: I looked into the soul of another boy.Woody Allen Some are born great, some achieve greatness, and some hire PR officers.Daniel J. Boorstin. An acquaintance is someone we know well enough to borrow from but not enough to lend to.Ambrose Bierce Ive had a perfectly wonderful evening. But this wasnt it.Groucho Marx It isnt pollution thats harming the environment. Its the impurities in our air and water that are doing it. Dan Quayle Most of the time I dont have any fun. The rest of the time I dont have any fun at all.Woody Allen When you are courting a nice girl an hour seems like a second. When you sit on a red-hot cinder a second seems like an hour. Thats relativity.Albert Einstein We must all hear the universal call to like your neighbor like you like to be liked yourself. George W Bush I never read the life of any important person without discovering that he knew more and could do more than I could ever hope to know or do in half a dozen lifetimes.JB Priestley. In my house Im the boss. My wife is just the decision maker.Woody Allen A verbal contract isnt worth the paper it is written on.Sam Goldwyn An ambassador is a person who, having failed to secure an office from the people, is given one by the Administration on condition that he leave the country. Ambrose Bierce Boxing is a lot of white men watching two black men beat each other up. Muhammad Ali. I can tell youre lying. Your lips are moving. We are the people our parents warned us about. Keyboard not found. Press to RESUME. Source unknown (appears in many common BIOSes as a real error message) An incinerator is a writers best friend.Thornton Wilder. If youre not failing every now and again, its a sign youre not doing anything very innovative.Woody Allen What if nothing exists and were all in somebodys dream? Or whats worse, what if only that fat guy in the third row exists?Woody Allen Basically my wife was immature. Id be in my bath and shed come in and sink my boats.Woody Allen They called it golf because all the other four letter words were taken. Walter Hagen. Ah, beer, my one weakness. My achilles heel, if you will.Homer Simpson A nickel aint worth a dime anymore.Yogi Berra A lot of controversy over this possible invasion of Iraq. In fact, Nelson Mandela was so upset, he called Bushs dad. How embarrassing, when world leaders start calling your father. Jay Leno. I have never been hurt by what I have not said.Calvin Coolidge When Im good, Im very, very good, but when Im bad, Im better.Mae West A violin is the revenge exacted by the intestines of a dead cat.Ambrose Bierce Oh, Lord, wont you buy me a Mercedes BenzMy friends all drive Porsches, I must make amends.Janis Joplin I wish my name was Brian because maybe sometimes people would misspell my name and call me Brain. Thats like a free compliment and you dont even gotta be smart to notice it.Mitch Hedberg Dont stay in bed, unless you can make money in bed.George Burns A man can be short and dumpy and getting bald but if he has fire, women will like him.Mae West The meek shall inherit the Earth after were done with it. The best way to behave is to misbehave.Mae West I do not believe in an afterlife, although I am bringing a change of underwear.Woody Allen 驾驶员试题网 驾照考试Bisexuality immediately doubles your chances for a date on Saturday night.Woody Allen Death or plumbing?Eddie Izzard Beethoven was so hard of hearing, he thought he was a painter.George Carlin I wish to be cremated. One tenth of my ashes shall be given to my agent, as written in our contract.Groucho Marx Im desperately trying to figure out why kamikaze pilots wore helmets. Dave Edison. He was a multi-millionaire. Wanna know how he made all of his money? He designed the little diagrams that