Module 1 PS典型问题.docx

必读Module 1 PS典型问题静思说过，上完第一趟课后大家的好日子就结束了！之后的日子就是无休无止的写材料！筒子们：你们准备好了吗？为了更好的让大家提前定稿，今天静思就先把ps集训时的第一份材料拿出来贴在论坛上，每一个人请务必仔细研究，研究透后好好写自己的ps，大家写的每一个版本的ps我都会去看，也都会去点评，希望每位筒子都能按时且有质量的完成作业！静思期待看到每一个人的进步！ Module 1 PS典型问题 大家在写PS的时候，典型的问题如下：1. 重复罗嗦：用2-3句话去表述同一个意思，或者在AS中，完全罗列步骤，不思考哪些步骤需要留，哪些可以删掉；2. 没有Point：看完一段，完全不知道这个同学想写什么，貌似就是写了一个故事；3. 没有Point之进阶版-挂羊头卖狗肉：貌似这一段是有Point的，但是呢，后面的事例和这个Point完全没有关系；4. 不够优秀：没有把自己究竟做的好在哪里，有多好写清楚。现在，静思一一举例，来跟大家分析一下，究竟这些错误是什么样子的，以及如何修改！ 1. 重复罗嗦I regard practicability as an important factor of design. I learned ergonomics, materials & technique, methods of innovation products like iNPD, product design, which made the design reasonable. And I have a good command of structure and modeling. In my third year in collage, I achieved my long-cherished wish to make a castle like the one in Harry Potter during my model course. The biggest difference we made our model from others was we built a full-view architectural complex rather than a single model. As a team leader, I spent a few days gathering the details and version from the series novels and movies. I retained as much details as possible. I changed parts of the castle on profile and structure and made it easier to produce. It was a biggest project that there was no team had ever dealt with, it meant we had tons of handwork to do. So we made the whole process was just like an assembly line: 3 boys did the rough machining, and the left 3 girls made the pieces delicately. After this, the processes of assemble, spraying paint, making the setting and decorating just looked easier. Finally, we made a 8001200 full view model of Hogwarts castle and got the highest score.分析：I regard practicability as an important factor of design.【有用，是Point！意思是我的实践能力是很好的！那我们来分析，她这段的内容，是哪些是不需要写的呢？】I learned ergonomics, materials & technique, methods of innovation products like iNPD, product design, which made the design reasonable.（这些是所有的人都要学的吗？如果是，你光写你学过不显得你好吧，至少要说说，你学的有多吧！which made XXX是废话，老师会不知道吗？）And I have a good command of structure and modeling.【有用】In my third year in college（不需要，啥时候做不重要，大一、大二还是大三做的和实践能力没关系吧？）, I achieved my long-cherished wish to make a castle like the one in Harry Potter during my model course.【有用】The biggest difference we made our model from others was（不需要说区别，只需要说和你如何实践有关的东西即可）we built a full-view architectural complex rather than a single model.【有用】As a team leader, I spent a few days gathering the details and version from the series novels and movies. I retained as much details as possible.（没用，到现在都没谈到到底怎么运用，怎么实践的？）I changed parts of the castle on profile and structure and made it easier to produce. It was a biggest project that there was no team had ever dealt with, it meant we had tons of handwork to do.（没用，到现在都没有开始说实践的内容，还在描述难度，但你要知道，后面你谈清楚如何解决问题，才是更能体现point的啊！）So we made the whole process was just like an assembly line: 3 boys did the rough machining, and the left 3 girls made the pieces delicately. After this, the processes of assemble, spraying paint, making the setting and decorating just looked easier.（这个完全和你的modeling 能力没有关系吧！都是流程啊！）Finally, we made a 8001200 full view model of Hogwarts castle and got the highest score.【有用】分析结束之后，大家是不是发现，这个同学明白自己想表达什么，但是呢，在后面的例子中，和自己想表达point相关的内容，说的很少，基本没说，倒说了一堆完全没有关系的！修改如下（只表达和point相关的部分）：I regard practicability as an important factor of design, and I get 90+ in xxx, xxx and xxx（课程名）. I also have a great command of structure and modeling. During accomplishing a castle like the one in Harry Potter which was a full-view architectural complex rather than a single model. And I use xxx, xxx (modeling 的技术) to xxx, and successfully made it in 2 days, also I get the highest score.所以，再次提醒大家，一件事情，不需要从头到尾，把过程全部写一遍，而是只需要选择和结果最有关系的，和表达Point最有关系的写，其他的，坚决删掉！不用担心教授会不理解你做的事情，因为大部分事情的流程，都是常识，教授都知道！2. 没有PointFor SINOPEC, the company with headmost techniques, pricing strategy on project bids is the one make-or-break factor on bids within the stipulated time during recent jolts to energy price. To predict the reasonable price for future projects, I decided to take the proportional hazards regression models approach to assess the size of each covariates effect on project conservation price with a view to designing future interventions. With the input of 600 large and medium-size project examples, I conducted a data-driven search to select covariates for the specific proportional hazards regression model that will provide the framework for subsequent inference. Next, I checked that model fit the data reasonably well and noted that the parameter estimates are sensible. Not only did this model improve the success rate of the pricing decisions on the bids, but the company also found it attractive because it could be used to estimate effect sizes so that the company could put things more under control.分析：看完这段，我得到的信息是，这个同学做出了一个模型，貌似还很不错！但是我疑惑的是，这一段，在整篇PS中的作用是什么呢？是谈对pricing model的理解，还是表现自己数学能力好？还是什么呢？修改如下：Point 1：我对模型的理解到位！My deep understanding of pricing model help me excelled during my internship in SINOPEC. To predict the reasonable price for future projects, considering that xxxxx,(选择模型的原因), I chose the proportional hazards regression model xxxxx and to make the model xxxx, I also xxxxxxx. Not only did this model improve the success rate of the pricing decisions on the bids, it also could be used to xxxxxx.如果我要表达的我对模型的理解到位，我会把我是如何选择模型以及改进模型作为重心，其他的，略写或者不写！Point 2：意识到行业的不同，对model有很大的影响My internship in SINOPEC teaches me an important lesson that pricing is not all about the model, but also about the industry information. When I made the pricing model to predict the reasonable price for future projects, according to the textbook, xxx model is the best choice, but in energy industry, xxxxxx, so I chose the proportional hazards regression model. And it turned to be not only xxxxx, but also xxxxx.这段，重心又应该是什么呢？就是行业信息如何影响model的选择！其他的，不需要多谈！3. 没有Point之进阶版-挂羊头卖狗肉To solve my questions that NGOs were supposed to make contributions, but why they even had so many difficulties,I interned in the NGO Research Center, which is the research frontier in Chinas NGO research field. In the program “The Database of Civil Society of Mainland China, conducted by Chinese University of Hong Kong and the NGO Research Center, I was assigned to the job of interviewing organizers of fifteen local NGOs per month to get basic information needed to form the database. One of the most difficult parts of this assignment is collecting communication ways. I tried various means to search for communications, even registering in the website belonging to NGOs and communicating with people who might have some relations with my target NGOs. With determination and perseverance, I got all the contact ways. To make appointments, I told the organizers that programs goal was to get an overall knowledge of the nations NGOs, and we would construct a database on the internet for the public to know NGOs and get the publicssupport. With the given questionnaires and problems I raised, I visited four NGOs per week. At last because of my good searching method, hard-working attitude, good understanding of NGO, I was the only one who completed all the tasks, and was highly praised by the teachers and professors in the program for the high quality and amount of interviews.分析：看完这段，大家是不是觉得非常confusing！这个同学写这段经历的目的，是为了阐述自己对于NGOs面临困难的思考，但是呢，后面，她自己的经历，完全没有涉及这部分，只是在说自己是如何做成了搜集信息这件事情！这就是典型的挂羊头卖狗肉！解决方案如上！把和point相关的部分，多写！这段，一定是多谈想法，那么，同学们要问：自己做的事情要写吗？写，但是请用2句话，最多3行，写清楚自己事情里做的好的地方，其他的，均不用写！然后，肯定是直接谈想法！4. 不够优秀I ranked number 2 in my department of 70 students and I received almost a full score in several tough courses, such as Theory of Investment, Statistics, and Probability Theory. The reason why I have accomplished such academic achievements is my efficiency in learning and thinking. Efficiency enables me to self-study several versions of textbook to broaden my understanding of major, to read Financial Times every day to observe phenomena taking place in real financial market, and to gain a GPA of 3.9 and 3.8 for Finance and English major respectively. Being a quick learner, I always immediately apply what is learned to practice. I proposed using binary choice model to predict the relationship of variables such as gender, schooling, and investment decision when designing a behavioral finance experiment, which surprised the professor since I was still taking the course Econometrics. Likewise, after reading the book Investments written by Zvi Bodie, I invested my scholarship award into a mutual fund with beta coefficient equal to 0.5 and bonds weigh more than stocks in the portfolio because I am a risk-averse investor. For me, making plans is always a good way to ensure efficiency. I used only one and a half months sticking to the plan I made to prepare GMAT, which I get 770.分析：I ranked number 2 in my department of 70 students and I received almost a full score in several tough courses, such as Theory of Investment, Statistics, and Probability Theory. 很好，用较简洁的语言写出了自己的成就（Ranking，Full Score）The reason why I have accomplished such academic achievements is my efficiency in learning and thinking. 这句话貌似不罗嗦，但是这样的表达，其实不够主动，而且这个完全可以和前面的成就合在一起，成为一句话！Efficiency enables me to self-study several versions of textbook to broaden my understanding of major, to read Financial Times every day to observe phenomena taking place in real financial market, and to gain a GPA of 3.9 and 3.8 for Finance and English major respectively. 这句话，就让我很疑惑了，为什么你有效率，你就可以自学呢？难道没有效率，就不可以自学了吗？Being a quick learner, I always immediately apply what is learned to practice. 貌似有效率和学得快不是一件事情吧.所以，最好不要偷换概念！I proposed using binary choice model to predict the relationship of variables such as gender, schooling, and investment decision when designing a behavioral finance experiment, which surprised the professor since I was still taking the course Econometrics. 其实这个应该也看出不来，你到底学的有多快呢，上完课就会用，不是很应该的事情吗？Likewise, after reading the book Investments written by Zvi Bodie,