高中英语 甜蜜爱情的禁忌(Sweet love taboo)作文素材

用心 爱心 专心1 甜蜜爱情的禁忌甜蜜爱情的禁忌 Sweet Sweet lovelove taboo taboo It s not easy to have a great relationship with your boy girlfriend partner or spouse But it s not impossible either it takes some work of course but it s work work that s a joy when everything comes together A lot of times though the work isn t enough We get in our own way with ideas and attitudes about relationships that are not only wrong but often work to undermine our relationships no matter how hard we work at it I ve watched a lot of breakups some of them my own I ve seen dramatic flare ups and drawn out slow fades and I ve tried to pay attention to what seems to be going on Here are a few of the things I ve seen that cause people to destroy their own relationships 1 You re playing to win One of the deadliest killers of relationships is the competitive urge I don t mean competition in the sense that you can t stand to lose at tennis I mean the attitude that the relationship itself is a kind of game that you re tying to win People in competitive relationships are always looking for an advantage the upper hand some edge they can hold over their partner s head If you feel that there are things you can t tell your partner because she or he will use it against you you re in a competitive relationship but not for long 2 You don t trust There are two aspects of trust that are important in relationships One is trusting your partner enough to know that s he won t cheat on you or otherwise hurt you and to know that he or she trusts you that way too The other is trusting them enough to know they won t leave you or stop loving you no matter what you do or say The second that level of trust is gone whether because one of you takes advantage of that trust and does something horrible or because one of you thinks the other has the relationship is over even if it takes 10 more years for you to break up 3 You don t talk Too many people hold their tongues about things that bother or upset them in their relationship either because they don t want to hurt their partner or because they re trying to win See 1 above example If you don t know why I m mad I m certainly not going to tell you While this might make things easier in the short term in the long run it gradually erodes the 用心 爱心 专心2 foundation of the relationship away Little issues grow into bigger and bigger problems problems that don t get fixed because your partner is blissfully unaware or worse is totally aware of them but thinks they don t really bother you Ultimately keeping quiet reflects a lack of trust and as I said that s the death of a relationship 4 You don t listen Listening really listening is hard It s normal to want to defend ourselves when we hear something that seems like criticism so instead of really hearing someone out we interrupt to explain or excuse ourselves or we turn inward to prepare our defense But your partner deserves your active listening S he even deserves you to hear the between the lines content of daily chit chat to suss out his her dreams and desires when even s he doesn t even know exactly what they are If you can t listen that way at least to the person you love there s a problem 5 You spend like a single person This was a hard lesson for me to learn until it broke up a 7 year relationship When you re single you can buy whatever you want whenever you want with little regard for the future It s not necessarily wise but you re the only one who has to pay the consequences When you are with someone in a long term relationship that is no longer a possibility Your partner and your children if there are or will be any will have to bear the brunt of your spending so you d better get in the habit of taking care of household necessities first and then if there s anything left over of discussing with your partner the best way to use it This is an increasing problem these days because more and more people are opting to keep their finances separate even when they re married There s nothing wrong with that kind of arrangement in and of itself but it demands more communication and involvement between the partners not less If you re spending money as if it was your money and nobody else has a right to tell you what to do with it your relationship is doomed 6 You re afraid of breaking up Nobody in a truly happy partnership is afraid of breaking up If you are that s a big warning sign that something s wrong But often what s wrong is the fear itself Not only does it betray a lack of trust but it shows a lack of self confidence and self esteem you re afraid that there s no good reason for someone to want to be with you and that sooner or later your partner will wise up and take off So you pour more energy into keeping up the appearance of a happy relationships than you do into building yourself up 用心 爱心 专心3 as a person Quite frankly this isn t going to be very satisfying for you and it also isn t going to be very satisfying for your partner 7 You re dependent There s a thin line between companionship and support and dependency If you depend on your partner that is if you absolutely cannot live without her or him you ve crossed that line The pressure is now on your partner to fill whatever s missing in you a pressure s he will learn to resent If you expect your partner to bring everything while you bring nothing to your relationship and I m talking finances as well as emotional support here you re in trouble Note I m not saying that you need to contribute equally to household finances what I m saying is that if you re not contributing to the household budget and you re not contributing anywhere else things are out of whack and that s never good 8 You expect Happiness A sign of a bad relationship is that one or both partners expect either to make the other happy or for their partner to make them happy This is not only an unrealistic expectation to lay on yourself or on them nobody can make you happy except you but it s an unrealistic expectation to lay on your relationship Relationships aren t only about being happy and there s lots of times when you won t and even shouldn t be Being able to rely on someone even when you re upset miserable depressed or grieving is a lot more important than being happy all the time If you expect your partner to make you happy or worse you re frustrated because you aren t able to make your partner happy your relationship isn t going to fare well when it hits a rough spot 9 You never fight A good argument is essential every now and then In part arguing helps bring out the little stuff before it becomes major but also fighting expresses anger which is a perfectly normal part of a human s emotional make up Your relationship has to be strong enough to hold all of who you are not just the sunny stuff One reason couples don t fight is that they fear conflict which reflects a lack of trust and a foundation of fear That s bad Another reason couples avoid arguments is that they ve learned that anger is unreasonable and unproductive They ve learned that arguing represents a breakdown rather than a natural part of a relationship s development While an argument isn t pleasant it can help both partners to articulate issues they may not have even 用心 爱心 专心4 known they had and help keep them from simmering until you cross a line you can t come back from 10 You expect it to be easy you expect it to be hard There are two deeply problematic attitudes about relationships I hear often One is that a relationship should be easy that if you really love each other and are meant to be together it will work itself out The other is that anything worth having is going to be hard and that therefore if it s hard it must be worth having The outcome of both views is that you don t work at your relationship You don t work because it s supposed to be easy and therefore not need any work or you don t work because it s supposed to be hard and it wouldn t be hard if you worked at it In both cases you quickly get burnt out either because the problems you re ignoring really don t go away just because you think they should or because the problems you re cultivating are a constant drag on your energy A relations