中英文经典笑话

1、A man goes to church and starts talking to God.He says: "God, what is a million dollars to you?"and God says: "A penny",then the man says: "God, what is a million years to you?"and God says: "a second", then the man says: "God, can I have a penny?"an

2、d God says "In a second"一男子进入教堂和上帝对话.他问:"主啊, 一百万美元对你意味着多少?"上帝回答:"一便士."男子又问:"那一百万年呢?"上帝说:"一秒钟."最后男子请求道:"上帝,我能得到一便士吗?"上帝回答:"过一秒钟."Once two hunters went hunting in the forest. One of them suddenly fell down by accident. He showed the

3、 whites of his eyes and seemed to have ceased breathing.The other hunter soon took out his mobile phone to call the emergency center for help.The operator said calmly:"First, you should make sure that he is already dead."Then the operator heard a gunshot from the other end of the phone and

4、 next he heard the hunter asking:"What should I do next?"两个猎人进森林里打猎,其中一个猎人不慎跌倒,两眼翻白,似已停止呼吸。另一个猎人赶紧拿出手机拨通紧急求助电话。接线员沉着地说:“第一步,要先确定你的朋友已经死亡。”于是,接线员在电话里听到一声枪响,然后听到那猎人接着问:“第二步怎办?”Secret For a Long LifeA woman walks up to a little old man rocking in a chair on his porch."I couldn't help

5、 noticing how happy you look," she says. "What's your secret for a long, happy life?""I smoke three packs a day, drink a case of whiskey a week, eat fatty foods and never, ever exercise.""Wow, that's amazing," says the woman. "How old are you?"&qu

6、ot;Twenty-six."长寿秘诀一位女士走向坐在门廊的椅子上摇动的小老头。“我无意中发现,你是多么幸福,”那女士说。“你幸福而长寿的秘密是什么?”“我每天抽三包烟,每周喝一箱威士忌,吃高脂肪食品,而且从来不曾锻炼。”“哦,真神奇,”女士说。“你高寿?”“26”The First Day as a Taxi DriverA taxi passenger tapped the driver on the shoulder to ask him a question. The driver screamed, lost control of the car, nearly hit a

7、 bus, went up on the footpath, and stopped centimetres from a shop window.The driver said, Look mate, don't ever do that again. You scared the daylights out of me! The passenger apologized and said, I didn't realize that a little tap would scare you so much. The driver replied, Sorry, it'

8、;s not really your fault. Today is my first day as a cab driver. I've been driving a funeral van for the last 25 years.乘客轻拍了一下出租车司机的肩膀,想问个问题. 司机大叫起来, 车也失去了控制, 几乎撞上一辆公车, 还上了便道, 在还差几厘米就撞上商店橱窗时终于停了下来.司机说,伙计,别再这么干了. 你把我吓破胆了!乘客抱歉地说, 我没想到拍你一下就吓成这样. 司机说,对不起,也不全是你的错. 今天是我第一天开出租. 以前25年里我一直开殡葬车.DrunkOne d

9、ay, a father and his little son were going home. At this age, the boy was interested in all kinds of things and was always asking questions. Now, he asked, "What's the meaning of the word 'Drunk', dad?" "Well, my son," his father replied, "look, there are standing two policemen. If I regard the two policemen as four then I am drunk.""But, dad," the boy said, " there's only ONE policema