写作语篇错误分析

1、写作语篇错误分析 Redundancy in discourse1.Overuse of sentence patterns of CET4 writing styles2.Unnecessary repetition of the same idea3.Repetition of the same sentence patterns4.Redundant use of some words and phrases5.Chinese style of the use of verbs (e.g. make)6.Redundant use of pronouns7.Unnecessary det

2、ails1. Overuse of sentence patterns of CET4 writing styles2. Unnecessary repetition of the same idea Borrowing a book from the library is a very common thing, so its necessary for us to know how to borrow a book from the library. 第二次borrow a book from the library 完全没有必要重复，它的出现使整个句子显得很累赘。可以改为Borrowin

3、g a book from the library is a very common thing, so its necessary for us to know how to do it. In my opinion, I think human cloning should be banned in the world. In my opinion和I think语义是一样的，没有必要重叠使用，很多学生还喜欢写personally, I think或as to me, I think等。两个表达保留一个即可。 It is essential to control environmental

4、 pollution so as to protect the environment. 句中control environmental pollution 和protect the environment语义重复，并么有手段与目的的关系。但由于中文经常有同一概念重复提到来突出重要性的情况，在英语写作中也难以避免。本句可改为It is essential to control environmental pollution.或It is essential to protect the environment.3. Repetition of the same sentence pattern

5、s Ive been a college student for one year. Ive experienced a lot and Ive got much knowledge from my freshman year at the same time. 这个小段落中的句子都用了同样的句子结构，句型重复率为百分之一百，句式的多样性不足，语言平淡。可尝试写作更高级的句式或改变句子开头的方式，来调整句子的节奏。可改为Ive been a college student for one year, during which Ive experienced a lot and got much

6、 knowledge at the same time.或Ive been a college student for one year. During my freshman year, Ive experienced a lot. Meanwhile, Ive got much knowledge. Although our college life is full of pressures, I think that our college life is still full of many interesting things. 在同一句中our college life is fu

7、ll of的句式重复使用，语言空洞无味，可以换个句型或选择一个替换成其他的表达方式。本例可改为Although our college life is full of pressures, I think that we can still find many interesting things.或Although our college life is full of pressures, I think there are still many interesting things.等。4. Redundant use of some words and phrasesA young m

8、an who expects to be somebody often turns to be somebody. The story told of Disraeli is illustrative of the case. On entering public life, Disraeli aspired to be both scholar and orator. Disraeli succeeded better in his literary work than in his oratorical efforts. Disraeli was at first a total fail

9、ure as a public speaker. . He stuck to his purpose, and finally accomplished his purpose. 当需要反复提及同一人、事、物等时，没有很好的使用代词，从而造成冗余。 A young man who expects to be somebody often turns to be one. The story told of Disraeli is illustrative of the case. On entering public life, Disraeli aspired to be both scho

10、lar and orator. He succeeded better in his literary work than in his oratorical efforts. He was at first a total failure as a public speaker. He stuck to his purpose, and finally accomplished his it. College life is similar to social life in which we will meet a wide range of people. For this reason

11、, I enlarge my social contact, which helps me to deal with different relationships with different people. 在中文中，“各种各样的”、“不同的”等形容词频繁使用，甚至叠加出现，但在英文中则显得累赘。本句中的“with different people”可去掉。而且本句想表达的是要处理多种多样的人际关系，并非其区别，所以different改为various更合适。因此，本局可改为： College life is similar to social life in which we will

12、meet a wide range of people. For this reason, I enlarge my social contact, which helps me to deal with various relationships. My parents forgot my birthday, which made me become unhappy. 此句中become多次一举，完全可以去掉。但中文“使我变得如何如何”的表达很常见，因此，学生的英语作文中也时常出现“make me become”的字样。可改为My parents forgot my birthday, wh

13、ich made me unhappy.5. Chinese style of the use of verbs (e.g. make) Her warm words let me feel moved. 英语中的使役动词，如make 和let，常被我国英语学习者滥用，使整篇文章中频繁出现中式英语的句子。在本句中，学生想表达的意思很明白，即“她温暖的话语使我感动”。其中“使我感到”或“让某人如何”这类的中式表达造成make sb. do sth. 和let sb. do sth. 的结构遍布在文章的每个角落，而两者的含义也并非完全对应。其实，只要理清逻辑关系，英语中并非一定用使役结构来表达。本

14、句可改为Her warm words moved me. Mastering a foreign language makes me read books from another country. 学生想表达的是“使我能够做某事”，而make的压迫感较强，这里应该是enable sb. to do sth. 的意思，本句可改为Mastering a foreign language enables me to read books from another country.6. Redundant use of pronouns They are now changed by the uns

15、table society to be more considerate, more tolerant and more independent. They see their parents quarrel all the time. They see them unhappy. And they just give them a suggestion, saying calmly, “Why dont you two get a divorce?” 过多使用they 和them, 语言啰嗦，表意不清。逻辑关系紧密的情节可以融合到一个句子中，减少不必要的内容。可改为They see thei

16、r parents quarrel and seem unhappy all the time. And they just give their parents a suggestion, saying calmly, “Why dont you two get a divorce?” I cant find the two books which my mother gave it as my birthday gift yesterday. 本句中the two books 的指代在定语从句中出现了两次，引导词which 指代从句中的the two books，在gave后没必要在出现同

17、一内容的代词，且it数量也不对。同时，give的双宾语结构不完整，造成语法错误。本句应该为I cant find the two books which my mother gave me as my birthday gift yesterday.7. Unnecessary details When we pick up some books to borrow them in the library, it is necessary for us to have a library card. Pick up some books在这个语境中没有必要出现，这个多余的细节之所以出现，与学生

18、的中文思维有很大的关系。句子可以改为When we borrow some books from the library, it is necessary for us to have a library card.Logic incoherence in discourse1.Logic gap between ideas2.Lack of transitions3.Misused transitions4.Shift person5.Shift tense6.Shift voice7.Shift pronouns8.Ellipsis errors9.Confused logic10. Fa

19、iled transitional sentence1. Logic gap between ideas There were many thoughts and experiences when I recall the year when I was a freshman. 本句中的主句和从句之间在内容上存在逻辑间隙。时间状语从句在句中应作为主句事件或状态的时间背景，本局字面意思为“当我回顾大一这一年时，有很多想法和经历。”“想法和经历”仅出现在“当我回顾”这一刻，这并非学生的本意。而学生想表达的是“当我回顾大一这一年时，我发现我在这一年有很多的想法和经历。”或“回顾大一这一年，我有很多的

20、想法和经历。”那么，本局不妨改为When I recall my freshman year, I find there were many thoughts and experiences. 或 Recalling my freshman year, I find I had many thoughts and experiences.改为“Recalling”是为了避免“I do sth.”句式的频繁出现。 With the development of science and technology, the internet has brought us unimaginable con

21、venience. However, we are suffering from its disadvantages as well. 这是一篇题目为“The Disadvantages of the Internet”的学生习作的开头段。这种开篇的方式出现频率太高以至于达到了滥用的程度。把任何主题都放到“科学技术发展”的大背景下离题甚远。如果用背景法开篇的话，也要给出主题的直接背景。本例可改为：With the development of computer science, we are stepping into the age of the internet which has bro

22、ught us unimaginable convenience. However, we are suffering from its disadvantages as well.2. Lack of transitionsA young man who expects to be somebody often turns to be one. The story told of Disraeli is illustrative of the case. He was a total failure as a public speaker. He felt sure that he coul

23、d overcome every obstacle, devoted himself with invincible purpose to the trial. Some of his friends thought he was foolish and even cranky. He stuck to his purpose, finally accomplished it. He became one of the ripest scholars and most eloquent speakers that Great Britain has ever produced.本段落写的时一个

24、年轻人作为一个public speaker的成长过程，从开始的失败到后来的成功之间的经历缺乏适当的过渡词，整个段落突兀感强，连贯不足，甚至有句法错误。本段可修改如下：A young man who expects to be somebody often turns to be one. The story told of Disraeli is illustrative of the case. He was at first a total failure as a public speaker. He felt sure that he could overcome every obst

25、acle, and devoted himself with invincible purpose to the trial. Some of his friends thought he was foolish and even cranky. But he stuck to his purpose, and finally accomplished it. He became one of the ripest scholars and most eloquent speakers that Great Britain has ever produced. English is not s

26、o easy to learn for a Chinese. We dont have an English-speaking environment. We learn a new word. We seldom have chances to practice using it. 这几句意在说明对中国人来说英语不好学的原因，但由于缺少适当的连接词，使句子间的逻辑不突出。可改为English is not so easy for a Chinese, because we dont have an English-speaking environment. For example, when

27、 we learn a new word, we seldom have chances to practice using it.3. Misused transitions There is a noticeable difference on many aspects of life, for example, on fluidity in employment, on eating habits, on entertainment, and so on. For example 是常用来引出具体事例，而名词的列举用such as，两个短语常混用 There is a noticeabl

28、e difference on many aspects of life such as fluidity in employment, eating habits, entertainment, and so on. College pressure is overwhelmed. But we still need to build a strong mind to fight against it. 不难看出，该句的中文含义是“大学的压力对我们每个学生来说都很大，但我们仍需要坚强的意志来对抗压力。”两句之间的转折关系在中文语境中成立，但在英文语境中用因果关系更为恰当。可改为College

29、 pressure is overwhelmed. Therefore, we need to build a strong mind to fight against it. 4. Shift person There are no stable jobs of life long. So everyone must improve themselves every minute to adjust to the fluidity of employment. Only with the skills of your own, can you maintain the family life

30、. 从第一人称到第三人称的转换受中式表达影响所致，且末句逗号也导致句子不连贯，应去掉。 There are no stable jobs of life long. So everyone must improve themselves every minute to adjust to the fluidity of employment. Only with the skills of their own can they maintain the family life. 5. Shift tense When I was a high school student, my teache

31、rs always said college life is relaxing. So almost every one of us think we will live an easy life as college students. However, now I still have to live under great pressures. 学生在写作中经常会回顾自己以往的生活，正如本例中的“When I was a high school student, ”为下文的情节设置了过去的时间背景，但下文又经常会忘记这个时间背景而任意发挥，没有使用正确的时态。本例应改为： When I

32、was a high school student, my teachers always said college life was relaxing. So almost every one of us thought we would live an easy life as college students. However, now I still have to live under great pressures. 6. Shift voice7. Shift pronouns All in all, pressures are everywhere. We should cop

33、e with these college pressures by ourselves. I believe that pressures are not a big deal and you will make it. 在中文写作中，经常有人称的转换，时而是“我”，时而是“你”，都是作者与读者的交流，并不影响表达效果。而同样的情况出现在英文中则不然。本例中的you应为we8. Ellipsis errors It was raining in the morning and stopped in the afternoon. 本句中，学生认为stopped 的主语是rain，在前半句中出现过

34、，同为It，因此被省略了，实则不然。Rain这个内容前文的确出现过，但并不是该句主语，而主语it指的是天气，因此此处的省略是不当的。可改为It was raining in the morning and the rain stopped in the afternoon.9. Confused logic Its a kind of treasure for me in that I will cherish it forever. 本句中学生对in that 短语的用法没有掌握，使因果关系混乱不清，可改为： Its a kind of treasure for me so that I w

35、ill cherish it forever.或I will cherish it forever in that its a kind of treasure for me. College is a freedom of heaven. 中文中，“什么的什么”有时是形容词修饰名词，如漂亮的姑娘，有时是所有关系，如我的朋友。英文语境中，有时逻辑是对应的，有时则不然。需要用到aof时，要注意两个名词的位置，很容易因为中文的逻辑而在英文中出现错误。本句就属于这种情况。 可改为College is a heaven of freedom.再有，用paradise更合适，因为该句想说大学自由自在吗，

36、没有压力和烦恼，是充满快乐的地方，那么，就简单的写成College is a paradise.即可。Failed transitional sentence With the increasing amount of suicides on campus, college pressure is becoming a highlighted topic in our society. Voices rise up from all directions. Going to college can be a difficult transitional period. Students may

37、 feel lost, lonely, confused and stressed.这是一篇题为College Pressure的学生习作的开头部分。第一句话点出了主题，从第二句话看，下文应具体写人们对这一现象的各种评论，而第二段为文章的主体部分，主要写的大学生所面临的各种压力。因此，开头段的过渡句没有起到应有的作用。学生们还喜欢写Different people have different ideas. 而下文则与之无关。这种情况在我国英语学习者的作文中很常见，应引起重视。本例可改为： With the increasing amount of suicides on campus, co

38、llege pressure is becoming a highlighted topic in our society. Many college students admit they are living under great pressure from different directions. College can be a difficult transitional period. Students may feel lost, lonely, confused and stressed.Pragmatic failure in discourse1. Inaccurate

39、 tone2. unclear standpoint 3. Ungrounded ideas4. Unnecessary details 5. bad conclusionInaccurate tone In my view, college pressure has become a part of our college life. What we should do is to adapt ourselves to it. We should try our best to overcome it. Only in this way can we make our college life more colorful. Only in this way can we do sth.的句式在中国学习者习作的结尾部分经常出现，但该句式的语气过于绝对，不如说by doing sth.或干脆不用