英语幽默笑话带翻译43193

英语幽默笑话带翻译43193英语幽默笑话带翻译43193英语幽默笑话带翻译43193xxx公司英语幽默笑话带翻译43193文件编号：文件日期：修订次数：第1.0次更改批准审核制定方案设计，管理制度英语幽默笑话带翻译1:Amanwashitbyacabinthestreet.Hewasbroughttothehospital.Hiswifewhowasstandingupbyhisbed,saidtothedoctor:"Ithinkthatheisveryill.""Iamafraidthatheisdead."saidthedoctor,

Hearingthis,themanmovedhisheadandsaid:"I'mnotdead.I'mstillalive.""Bequiet,"saidthewife."thedoctorknowsbetterthanyou!"医生懂得多

一个男人在街上被出租车撞倒送进了医院.他的妻子站在他的床前对医生说:"我想他伤得很厉害."医生说:"我怕他已经死了."听到医生的话,这个男人转动着头说:"我没死,我还活着."妻子说:"安静,医生比你懂得多."2:Youcan'tgowithoutme

Thebusisverycrowded.Amantriestogeton,butnoonegiveswaytohim.

"Hey,letmegetonthebus."themanshouts.

"It'stoocrowded.You'dbettertakethenextbus."apassengersaystohim.

"Butyoucan'tgowithoume.I'mthedriver."themansays.

没有我你们走不了

公共汽车上很拥挤.一位男士想上车,但是没有人给他让路.

"喂,让我上车!"那位男士喊道.

"车太挤了,你最好坐下一辆"车上的一位乘客对他说.

"但是没有我你们走不了.我是司机!"那位男士说道.3:DrunkOneday,afatherandhislittlesonweregoinghome.Atthisage,theboywasinterestedinallkindsofthingsandwasalwaysaskingquestions.Now,heasked,"What'sthemeaningoftheword'Drunk',dad""Well,myson,"hisfatherreplied,"look,therearestandingtwopolicemen.IfIregardthetwopolicemenasfourthenIamdrunk."

"But,dad,"theboysaid,"there'sonlyONEpoliceman!"

醉酒一天，父亲与小儿子一道回家。这个孩子正处于那种对什么事都很感兴趣的年龄，老是有提不完的问题。他向父亲发问道：“爸爸，‘醉’字是什么意思”“唔，孩子，”父亲回答说，“你瞧那儿站着两个警察。如果我把他们看成了四个，那么我就算醉了。”“可是，爸爸，”孩子说，“那儿只有一个警察呀！”4:Hospitality

Thehostessapologizedtoherunexpectedguestforservinganapple-piewithoutanycheese.Thelittleboyofthefamilylefttheroomquietlyforamomentandreturnedwithapieceofcheesewhichhelaidontheguest'splate.Thevisitorsmiled,putthecheeseintohismouthandthensaid:"Youmusthavebettereyesthanyourmother,sonny.Wheredidyoufindthecheese"

"Intherat-trap,sir,"repliedtheboy.

好客

由于客人在吃苹果馅饼时，家里没有奶酪了，于是女主人向大家表示歉意。这家的小男孩悄悄地离开了屋子。过了一会儿，他拿着一片奶酪回到房间，把奶酪放在客人的盘子里。客人微笑着把奶酪放进嘴里说：“孩子，你的眼睛就是比你妈妈的好。你在哪里找到的奶酪”

“在捕鼠夹上，先生。”那小男孩说。5:Dearwhite,somethingyougottoknow.WhenIwasborn,Iwasblack.WhenIgrowup,IamblackWhenI'munderthesun,I'mblackWhenI'mcold,I'mblackWhenI'mafraid,I'mblack.

WhenI'msick,I'mblack.WhenIdie,I'mstillblack.you---whitepeople,Whenyouwereborn,youwerepink.Whenyougrowup,youbecomewhite.You'reredunderthesun.You'rebluewhenyou'recold.Youareyellowwhenyou'reafraid.You'regreenwhenyou'resick.You'regraywhenyoudie.Andyou,callme"color"

亲爱的白种人，有几件事你必须知道。当我出生时，我是黑色的我长大了，我是黑色的我在阳光下，我是黑色的我寒冷时，我是黑色的我害怕时，我是黑色的我生病了，我是黑色的当我死了，我仍是黑色的。你---白种人，当你出生时，你是粉红色的。你长大了，变成白色的。你在阳光下，你是红色的。你寒冷时，你是青色的。你害怕时，你是黄色的。你生病时，你是绿色的。当你死时，你是灰色的。而你，却叫我「有色人种」6：Whereisthefather?

Twobrotherswerelookingatsomebeautifulpaintings.

"Look,"saidtheelderbrother."Hownicethesepaintingsare!"

"Yes,"saidtheyounger,"butinallthesepaintingsthereisonlythemotherandthechildren.Whereisthefather"

Theelderbrotherthoughtforamomentandthenexplained,"Obviouslyhewaspaintingthepictures."兄弟俩在看一些漂亮的油画。

“看，”哥哥说，“这些画多漂亮呀！”

“是啊，”弟弟说道，“可是在所有这些画中，只有妈妈和孩子。

那爸爸去哪儿了呢”

哥哥想了会儿，然后解释道：“很明显，他当时正在画这些画呗。”7：HowManyRabbits?

Teacher:

Now,Jonathan,ifIgaveyouthreerabbitsandthenthenextdayIgaveyoufiverabbits,howmanyrabbitswouldyouhave

Jonathan:

Nine,sir.

Teacher:

Nine?

Jonathan:

I'vegotonealready,sir.多少只兔子？

老师：好，乔纳森，假如我给你三只兔子，第二天我又给你五只，你一共有多少只兔子？

乔纳森：一共有九只，先生。

老师：九只？

乔纳森：先生，我本来就有一只。8：TheseAreMyJeans

Aftergoingonadiet，awomanfeltreallygoodaboutherself----especiallywhenshewasabletofitintoapairofjeansshehadoutgrownlongago．

“Look，look．”sheshoutedwhilerunningdownstairstoshowherhusband．“Icanwearmyoldjeansagain．”

Herhusbandlookedatherforalongtime，whensaid，“Honey，Iloveyou，butthesearemyjeans．”那是我的裤子!

一个妇女在减肥一段时间后自我感觉特别好——特别是当她又能穿上很早以前就穿不上的牛仔裤时。她跑下楼冲她丈夫喊道：“快看，快看。我又能穿上以前的裤子了。”她丈夫看了她好一会儿，然后说：“亲爱的，我爱你。但那是我的裤子。”

9：Themeanman'sparty

Thenotoriouscheapskatefinallydecidedtohaveaparty.Explainingtoafriendhowtofindhisapartment,hesaid,"Comeupto5Mandringthedoorbellwithyourelbow.Whenthedooropen,pushwithyourfoot."

"Whyusemyelbowandfoot"

"Well,gosh,"wasthereply,"You'renotcomingempty-hangded,areyou"

吝啬鬼请客

一个出了名的吝啬鬼终于决定要请一次客了。他在向一个朋友解释怎么找到他家时说：“你上到五楼，找中间那个门，然后用你的胳膊肘按门铃。门开了之后，再用你的脚把门推开。”

“为什么要用我的肘和脚呢”

“你的双手得拿礼物啊。天哪，你总不会空着手来吧”

吝啬鬼回答。

10：AllIdoispay

"Myfamilyisjustlikeanation,"Mr.Browntoldhiscolleague."Mywifeistheministeroffinance,mymother-in-lawistheministerofwar,andmydaughterisforeignsecretary."

"Soundsinteresting,"hiscolleaguereplied."Andwhatisyourposition"

"I'mthepeople.AllIdoispay."

我要做的一切就是付钱

布朗先生告诉同事说：“我的家简直就象一个国家一样。我妻子

是财政部长。我岳母是作战部长，我女儿是外交秘书。”

“听上去挺有意思的，”他的同事说，“那你的职务是什么呢”

“我就是老百姓。我要做的一切就是付钱。”1.Whatroomhasnowalls,nodoors,nowindows,andnofloors?Amushroom.(蘑菇)2.Whatissmallerthananinsect'smouth?Anythingiteats.3.Whatlargeinstrumentdoyoucarryinyourears?Drums,thatiseardrums.(鼓膜)4.What'stoomuchforone,justrightfortwo,butnothingatallforthree?Asecret.5.Whatpersontriedtomakeyousmilemostofthetime?Aphotographer.6.Whatanimalhasaheadlikeacat,eyeslikeacat,ataillikeacat,butisn'tacat?Akitten.(小猫)7.Whatsurprisingthingshappenevery24hours?Daybreaks,butdoesn'tfall;nightfalls,butdoesn'tbreak.8.Whatcanhearyouwithoutearsandcanansweryouwithoutamouth?Anecho.(回声)9.WhatdoyouknowaboutthekingsofFrance?Theyarealldead.10.Whatquestioncanyouneveranswer'yes"to"Areyouasleep?11.Whydosomeoldpeopleneveruseglasses?Theymustpreferbottlestoglasses.12.Whyisthepersonwearingtwocoatswhilepaintingthehouse?Becausetheinstructionsonthepaintcansay"Putontwocoatsforbestresults."13.Whattwowordshavethousandsoflettersinthem?Postoffice.14.Whatdoworkersdoinaclockfactory?Theymakefacesallday.15.What5-letterwordhas6leftwhenyoutake2lettersaway?Sixty.16.Whendoyougoasfastasaracingcar?Whenyouareinit.17.Howmanysidesdoesahousehave?Two-insideandoutside.18.Whatneverasksanyquestionsbutalwaysgetsanswers?Adoorbell.19.WheredidColumbusstandwhenhediscoveredAmerica?Onhisfeet.20.Whentheboyfellintothewater,what'sthefirstthinghedid?Hegotwetfirstofall.21.Whoisn'tyoursisterandisn'tyourbrother,butisstillachildofyourmotherandfather?Imyself.22.Whathasteethbutcannoteat?Acomb.23.Whatkindofmancanraisethingswithoutliftingthem?Afarmer.24.Whydoestimefly?Togetawayfromallthepeoplewhoaretryingtokillit.25.Namefivedaysoftheweekwithoutsaying:Monday,Tuesday,Wednesday,Thursday,Friday.Thedaybeforeyesterday,yesterday,today,tomorrow,andthedayaftertomorrow.26.Whatanimaleatsanddrinkswithitstail?Alldo.Noanimaltakesoffitstailwheneatinganddrinking.27.Whathasasoftbedbutneversleeps,abigmouthbutneverspeaks?Ariver.28.Whatkindofdogneverbite?Ahotdog.29.WhydoestheStatueofLibertystandinNewYorkHarbor?Becauseitcan'tsitdown.30.Whatdidoneinvisiblemansaytotheotherinvisibleman?It'snicenottoseeyouagain.31.Whatwearsacapbuthasnohead?Abottle.32.Whatrisesinthemorningandwavesallday?Aflag.33.Whatisanastronomer(天文学家)

Anightwatchmanwithacollegeeducation.34.Howcanyoutellclocksandwatchesareshy?Becausetheyalwayshavetheirhandsinfrontoftheirfaces.35.Whatiswind?Airinahurry.36.Whatcomesaftertheletter"A"Alltheotherletters.37.WhatstartswithaT,endswithaT,andisfullofT?Teapot.38.Whatwordcanyoumakeshorterbyaddingtoit?Short.39.Whatpersondoeseverymantakehishatoffto?Abarber.40.Whydoestheboycarryaladdertotheschool?Becausehewantstogotohighschool.41.Whatcanyouswallowthatcanalsoswallowyou?Water.42.What'sthedifferencebetweenahillandapill?Ahillishardtogetupandapillishardtogetdown.43.WhyisituselesstosendalettertoWashington?Becausehe'sdead.44.Adoctorandalawyerlovedthesamegirl.Thelawyerwentawayforaweekandgavethegirlsevenapplesbeforeheleft.Why?Becauseanappleadaykeepsthedoctoraway.45.Whatwillyoudoifaman-eatingtigerisrunningafteryou?Nothing.BecauseI'mawoman.46.Whatalwaystravelsonfoot?Ashoe.47.Wherecanhappinessalwaysbefound?Inthedictionary.48.Whatishigherwithoutaheadthanwithahead?Apillow.(枕头)49.Whydon'tyouadvertiseforyourlostdog?Hecan'tread.50.Onwhichsidedoesabirdhavethemostfeathers?Theoutside.51.Whatisthebestthingtokeepinhotweather?Cool!52.Whatisneveruseduntilit'sbroken?Anegg.53.What'saskeleton(骨架)It'salotofboneswithoutthepersononthem!54.Whatisdarkbutmadebylight?Ashadow.55.Whatcanyoubreakwithonlyoneword?Silence.56.Whatstaysindoorsnomatterhowmanytimesyouputitout?Thelight.57.Apolicemansawatruckdrivergoingthewrongwaydownaone-waystreet,butdidn'tgivehimaticket.Why?Becausethetruckdriverwaswalking.58.Wherecan