高一下期3月月考读后续写讲评学案巧用动作和情绪描写

读后续写学案巧用动作描写和情绪描写一、考题重现第二节(满分25分)阅读下面材料,根据其内容和所给段落开头语续写两段,使之构成一篇完整的短文。Once,whenIwasateenager,myfatherandIwerestandinginlinetobuyticketsforthecircus(马戏).Finally,therewasonlyonefamilybetweenusandtheticketcounter.Thisfamilymadeabigimpressiononme.Therewereeightchildren,allprobablyundertheageoftwelve.Youcouldtelltheydidn’thavealotofmoney.Theirclotheswerenotexpensive,buttheywereclean.Thechildrenwerewellbehaved,allofthemstandinginline,twobytwobehindtheirparents,holdinghands.Theywereexcitedlytalkingabouttheclowns,elephants,andotheractstheywouldseethatnightwiththeirbrothersorsistersinalowvoice.Onecouldsensetheyhadneverbeentothecircusbefore.Itpromisedtobethehighlightoftheiryounglives.Thefatherandmotherwereattheheadofthepack,standingproudastheycouldbe.Themotherwasholdingherhusband’shand,lookingupathimasiftosay,“Youaremyknightinshiningarmor.”Hewassmilingandrespondinginpride,lookingbackatherasiftosay,“Yougotthatright.”Theticketladyaskedthefatherhowmanyticketshewanted.Heproudlyresponded,“Pleaseletmebuyeightchildren’sticketsandtwoadultticketssoIcantakemyfamilytothecircus.”Theticketladygavetheprice.Theman’swifeletgoofhishand.Herheaddropped,andherlipsbegantoshake.Thefatherleanedalittlecloserandasked,“Howmuchdidyousay?”Theticketladyagainquotedtheprice.Themandidn’thaveenoughmoney.Howwashesupposedtoturnandtellhiseightchildrenthathedidn’thaveenoughmoneytotakethemtothecircus?Actuallywewerenotwealthyinanysense.SoIunderstoodhowthekidswouldfeel.Ifeltsorryforthem.注意:续写词数应为150左右。Step1：阅读原文后，翻译下列段首句子。Para1：Seeingwhatwasgoingon,mydadputhishandinhispocket,pulledouta$20billanddroppeditontheground.Para2：ThatdaymyfatherandIwentbacktoourcaranddrovehomewithoutanytickets.Step2：探究原文Task1.故事梗概：根据四要素(when,where,who,what）提取相关信息Basicelementsofthestorywhenonce,whenIwasateenagerwhereattheticketcounterwhoafamilywitheightchildren,myfather,I,theticketladywhatWhenmyfatherandIwerestandinginlinetobuyticketsforthecircus,anotherfamilycouldn’taffordtobuyenoughtickets,whichmadeussorryforthem.Task2.情节构思（plotline）,基于下列提示问题思考续写方向，并给出可能用到的关键表达。（1）续写Para1：•Whydidmyfatherdropa20billontheground?•Whatwasmyfathergoingtodo?•Whatwastheman’sreactiontomyfather’shelp?参考答案：1.Tolendthemahandinaproperway2.Hewasgoingtoaskthemantopickupthemoney3.Theman,withgratefultearssparklinginhiseyes,shakehandswithmyfather.(2）续写Para2:•WhatdidIsaytomyfather?•Whatdidmyfathersaytome?参考答案：1.Iasked,“Dad,wearenotrich,butwhydidyoudothis?”2.Hereplied,“Weshouldbegratefulforwhatwehaveandseizetheopportunitytohelpthosewhoneedhelp.”Task3.主题升华(themeline)•WhatdidIlearnfrommyfather’sbehavior?responsible,meaningful,shouldbewillingtohelpotherssetagoodexampletomeandmakeabigdifferencetomyfutureTask4.找出原文中用得好的动作描写和情绪描写，为仿写做准备。动作描写：情绪描写：解题思路：1.理解文本后，再结合两句段首推出续写内容（情节线）：第一段首句Seeingwhatwasgoingon，mydad....说明爸爸已经有想法来帮助这家人,就是把钱丢地上，但是这样要如何帮助呢？再通过第二段首句ThenmyfatherandIdrovehomewithoutanytickets.我们没买票就回家了。说明上一段爸爸已经成功实施了帮助这一家人买票的想法。又通过第二段的提示可以看出，本段的情节内容应该为：在回家路上，“我”与爸爸的言语交流及主题升华。每一段的情节可以根据故事发展的方向进行详细叙述，具体的故事细节也不必一致，只要能自圆其说即可。2.设定好续写文章的情节线之后，接下来要设定文章的主旨线。通过对语篇的整体理解可以看出，本文是“人与社会”主题下的“助人”话题。从给出文章的最后一段可以看出，“我”对这一家人的情况表示理解和同情，接下来爸爸对他们的帮助也符合“我”的心理预期，“我”也非常支持爸爸的善行。续写第二段着重写“我”与爸爸的言语和情感交流，一步步引出本文的主旨线。3.利用“两线”合成完整语篇（一整体）将以上所讲“两线”综合起来可以确定文章的写作思路。然后，在续写的两段中加入适当的细节描写，如“我”的心理活动、爸爸等人的动作与语言描写等，丰富故事情节，增强故事张力。参考范文：Seeingwhatwasgoingon,mydadputhishandinhispocket,pulledouta$20billanddroppeditontheground.Thenhepickeditupandtappedthemanontheshoulderandsaid,“Excuseme,sir,thisfelloutofyourpocket.”Themanturnedaroundandsawthemoney.Heknewwhatwasgoingon.Helookedstraightintomydad’seyes,tookmydad’shandinbothofhis,squeezedtightlyontothe$20bill,andwithhislipshakingandatearrunningdownhischeek,hereplied,“Thankyou,thankyou,sir.Thisreallymeansalottomeandmyfamily.”ThatdaymyfatherandIwentbacktoourcaranddrovehomewithoutanytickets.Wedidn’tgotothecircusthatnight.WhenIaskedDadwhyhedidso,Dadsaid,“Mychild,itwasadesperate,heartbreakingandembarrassingsituationforafather.Surelyhewasn’tbeggingforahandout,butheremindedmeofmyfather,whenIwasyoung.”Hepausedforawhile,asifwanderinginhismemory.“Weshouldappreciatewhatwehaveobtainedfromlifeandseizeeveryopportunitytohelpothers.Wedidn’tgotothecircustonight,butwedidn’tgowithoutanything.Now,whowantsanicecream?”二、如何使用动作描写和情绪描写？动作描写：（一）方法一：构造“动作链”结构1：A,BandC例如：Sheglancedatthetrophy,tookadeepbreathandsaid,“ThankTuntun!”先看一眼奖杯，深吸一口气，说道：“谢谢吞吞！”结构2：Havingdone...例如：Havingfoughtinthewarforyears,thesoldierreturnedtohishome,onlytofindhisfamilieshadmovedaway.征战多年后，战士回到家中，发现家人已经搬走了。（二）方法二：编制动作“面”1.主句，doing...anddoing...Hewasoverwhelmedwithjoy,singinganddancingintherain.他欣喜若狂，在雨中又唱又跳。2.With...doing/done...，主句，doing...Withtearsglisteninginhiseyes,Timbeggedformyhelp.眼中闪烁着泪花，Tim求我帮忙。（三）动作描写语料：1“看”：stare盯着；glare怒视；glance扫视；gaze凝视；observe观察。2.“说”（say）：whisper轻声说；shout叫；add补充道；repeat重复道；grumble嘟囔；ask问；answer/reply回答；plain抱怨；suggest建议；explain解释；argue争论；beg请求。3.走（walk）：wander闲逛；limp跛行4.跑（run）：hurry急匆匆跑；fly飞奔；rush冲避免重复使用say！例句（1）“Ican’tgetitout!”Ishouted“我拿不出来！”我喊道。（2）“Whatisthematternow?”askedhiswife.“Ijustcan’trememberwhyIeback,”repliedtheprofessor.“现在怎么了？”他的妻子问道。“我只是记不清我为什么回来。”教授回答道。情绪描写1.形容词句式：Feeling/Being+情绪，sb.....(感到...某人...）例如：他感到精疲力尽，上床睡觉去了。(1)Feelingexhausted,hewenttobed.(2)Beingexhausted,hewenttobed.(3)Exhausted,hewenttobed.2.名词句式：Toone’s+n.情绪,sb...（令某人...的是）Tohergreatjoy,shealsosawsomeberrybushes(浆果丛).3.情绪描写语料：(1)喜悦：名词：delight/joy/happiness/amusement形容词：delighted/cheerful/merry动词：smile微笑；laugh大笑；giggle咯咯笑；grin露齿笑。(2)悲伤：名词：sadness/sorrow/depression沮丧/disappointment失望形容词：upset心烦的；disappointed失望的；heartbroken心碎的；desperate绝望的动词：cry哭；weep哭泣；sob抽泣；sigh叹气；frown皱眉。(3)恐惧：scared/frightened/terrified害怕的(4)满意：content/satisfied/pleased满意的(5)惊讶：名词：surprise/shock/amazement/astonishment形容词：surprised/shocked/amazed/astonished(6)感动的：touched/moved(7)焦虑的：concerned/anxious/nervous翻译练习（用到现在分词作状语或者动作链结构一）：1.听到这个消息，他崩溃了，伤心地哭了。（bitterly/sorrowfully）2.人们在沙滩上散步，奔跑，享受着温暖的海风和日光。3.我的数学老师善良又友好，使我更喜欢数学了。4.了解到他儿子安然无恙，他如释重负地松了一口气。5.她绝望地哭着，不知道下一步该怎么办。三、学以致用TherearemanythingsinseniormiddleschoolthatIstillrememberclearly.Istudiedthreeyearsinacountryschool,whichisfaraway.However,ithasagoodenvironmentandstrictbutkindteachers,soIlovedtheschoolandallmyteachersverymuch.OneFriday,justaswebegantoreadbooksinreadingclassatourdesks,ourteacher,Mrs.Hill,saidthatsheneededtobeoutoftheclassroomforafewminutes.Sheaskedtheclasstoreadinsilencewhileshewasgone.Andshesaidthatthosewhodidn’treadbooksinsilencewouldhavetoanswertoherwhenshereturned.ItwaswellknownthatMrs.Hillwasstrict.Sowehadtobeonourbestbehavior.ButthatFriday,Mrs.Hillhadn’tbeengonefortensecondsbeforesomestudentsintheclassroomstartedtotalk.FromonecorneroftheclassroomIheardJoshaskNick,“CanItrademycandiesforyourtoy?”AttheotherendoftheroomIheardSamanthatellKayla,“Let’ssittogetheronthebusforthemuseumfieldtriptomorrow.”Andsoitwentallaroundme,untilabouthalfofthestudentstalkedwitheachother.Afterawhile,I,too,forgotaboutMrs.Hill’sinstructions.IturnedbackandaskedmyfriendLiza,“CanIborrowyourstorybookandkeepitforaday?”Assoonasthewordswereoutofmymouth,Mrs.Hillwalkedintotheclassroom.Thewholeclassreturnedtosilenceimmediately.Andwewerefulloffear.Mrs.Hillslowlylookedaroundtheclassroomandsaid,“IfyouweretalkingwhileIwasgone,thenpleasestandup.”Theguilt(内疚)suddenlyweighedheavilyonme.“Ishouldn’thavetalkedwhileshewasnotintheclassroom.AndnowIshouldbehonestandadmitmymistakebravely.Thisiswhatmyparentshavealwaystoldme,“Ithought.Then,Isummonedup(鼓起)mycouragetostandup,worryingaboutthepunishmentthatwaitedforme.ThenIlookedaround.注意：1.续写词数应为150左右;2.请按如下格式在答题卡的相应位置作答。Tomysurprise,noonefollowedme._________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________WithMrs.Hill’sencouragement,anotherstudentstoodup.__________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________【答案】Onepossibleversion:Tomysurprise,noonefollowedme.Iloweredmyheadaloneandwasfilledwithfear.Afterlookingaroundforawhile,Mrs.Hillwalkedtowardsme.Strangely,sheaskedinasoftvoice,“Whydidyoudaretostandup?”IsaidIwantedtobehonestandthatIrealizedwhatIhaddonewaswrong.Unexpectedly,Mrs.Hillwasquiteamazedbymyanswerandpraisedmeforthat.Thenshereturnedtothefrontoftheclassroomandexplainedwhyweshouldbehonest.WithMrs.