人大附中高三月考作文讲评.ppt

1、10月6日月考 作文讲评,情景作文（2010届东城一模）,假设你是李华，光明中学的学生。 国庆期间你参加了社区居委会组织的社区服务活动。请你按照图片顺序，以“Community Service”为题，向学校英文校刊投稿，介绍这次活动情况。 注意： 1文章开头已为你写好 2词数不少于60 3参考词汇：sports facilities体育设施,国庆快乐,审题,一、审文字 文体：记叙文 结构：第一段：背景已给 第二段：叙述完整的活动过程 第三段：抒发感受、感想等 时态：叙事：一般过去时 感想：一般现在时 人称：I/we 标题：Community Service 提示词：sports facilit

2、ies,特别提醒 1、12分以下： 少感受，结构不完整 叙事段时态错误（一般现在时） 少必要细节。 如图1：孤寡老人、打扫卫生应具体到一项 图4：横幅“国庆快乐”等 2、分黑色签字笔扣5分 3、没有自然分段扣2分 4、字数不够或超出指定范围视情况而定扣分,Sample： Community Service During the winter vacation, the students in our class joined in a meaningful activity in which all of us did our bit for the community. First we w

3、ent to visit an old lady who lived all alone. While we were in her home, one of us chatted with her and the rest helped do a thorough cleaning. We swept the floor and dusted the table. When the work was done, the house looked really neat and tidy then we went to the sports center, where different sp

4、orts facilities needed polishing. We set out to work at once. In no time everything was dust-free. To make the environment clean, we also picked up the litter on the grass and along the paths. To celebrate the National Day, we put up decorations on the billboard and a poster with the characters Happ

5、y National Day on it. Having done all these, we saw a more pleasant community. Tired as we were, we felt happy as all of our work paid off.,写作技巧（结构）,自然分段 叙事顺序： 以时间为顺序： On the first day,on the second day,on the third/fourth day, In the morning, later on,after lunch,., in the afternoon, 以活动为顺序： First,

6、 then., afterward, finally To start with, then, .,in the end,写作技巧（图片）,P1:注意： 人物代表性： 老奶奶-社区老人（无人照顾） 学生-社区学生,包括I（不点名道姓） 活动表达： onethe rest/somewhile others Girls.while boys such as cleaning the floor, wiping the windows and sweeping the floor. did,did, and did Not only did we clean, but we also chatted

7、 with the old.,写作技巧（图片）,P2/3:用词准确 健身中心： sports center/exercise center training center/the square where people do exercise 清洁健身器材： clean/clean up/clear up/givea through cleaning (wash不太准确) 捡拾垃圾：pick up the litter/garbage/trash/wastes/rubbish 草地上：on the grass/lawn,写作技巧（图片）,P4: 细节表达 装扮： decorate/redeco

8、rate the community 挂“国庆快乐”横幅： put up a banner/poster/flagwith a slogan “Happy National Day” on it 布置橱窗： renew/decorate the bulletin board with greetings/DIY signs/pictures/paintings,-难忘的经历；责任感增强，服务意识/社区意识增强；能力得到锻炼等） 个人收获： -After a whole day of work, my body was washed out, but my heart was filled wi

9、th satisfaction. It gave me a big relief that I could do something for our city. -This unforgettable volunteer work not only brings me great pride and happiness but also inspires me that helping others is kind of things full of enjoyment.,写作技巧（感受）,活动启发： -Our service is not only for our community, bu

10、t also a small gift to our country. -All for one；one for all. Should we devote ourselves to volunteer work to make the world a better place for others as well as for us ourselves? -We were all in high spirits that day; we gained not only enjoyment but also a message from the community service that t

11、he harmony of our community needs everyones effort.,写作技巧（感受）,lonely/alone the old/seniors do some cleaning/sweeping/wiping to ones surprise heart-heartily on the grass/lawn at the end/by the end/in the end on the first day hang-hanged/hung-hanged/hung take-took taken；throw-threw-thrown catch-caught-

12、caught；last-last-last lie-lay-lain society/nature/the environment/government,写作技巧（语言）,Early in the morning, we gathered together and visited the old peoples houses to do through clean-ups. Some of us chatted with granny while others swept the table, the floor and the window. Then we went outside to

13、clean the sports facilities in our communitys park. Though the work was tough, we did it in high spirits as we cleaned up all the dirt on the facilities. In the afternoon, we went to the lawn and picked up all the litter and garbage on the grass. We picked them up in plastic bags and threw them into

14、 the nearby garbage cans. As the day came to an end, we put up decorations on the bulletin board and hung up big posters with the wish “Happy National Day” on them. I was proud of myself for taking part in the community service. I gained much pleasure from volunteering and helping others.,高三1班 王安艺 C

15、ommunity Service During the National Holidays, . On the first day of the holiday, I gathered a few of my classmates, visited an old granny who lived alone and did a thorough cleaning in her house. Some cleaned the doors and tables; some swept the floor, while I made a cup of hot tea and chatted with

16、 her happily. And we plastered a big poster with a Chinese character “Fu” on the wall, wishing her a wonderful holiday. On the next day, we cleaned the whole set of sports facilities in our community and we were cheerful to see it became brand new. In the afternoon, we had all the garbage picked up

17、in the garden. Once collecting in the plastic bag, we threw them into a dustbin. Finally, on the last day, we redecorated the whole community, putting up posters with “Happy National Day” on them, delivering the best wishes to all our neighbors. Exhausted but delighted, I spent such a meaningful hol

18、iday by devoting myself to the voluntary work. I found it truly worthwhile and determined to do so in the coming winter holidays.,During the National Holidays, . In the morning, we visited the home of an old lady to keep her company. The girls chatted with her cheerfully, while the boys swept the fl

19、oor and wiped the furniture. Then we gathered at the exercise center and took out rags and buckets to give the sport facilities a thorough cleaning. The work was tiring, no doubt, but also satisfying once we saw the equipments shining like brand-new again. After a quick lunch, we spread out to pick

20、up the litter strewn over the lawns, remembering to sort out the recyclable, of course! Finally, we put up pictures and wrote down holiday greetings on the notice board as to brighten up the community. We even made a large banner wishing everyone a happy National Day! I think we all learned to give back to our community and help make it a nicer place to live in. It has certainly been a memorable activity.,高三理7班麦程恩 Community Service During the Nation