the fourth step in essay writing.ppt

Revisingsentences修改句子 TheforthstepofessaywritingThesestrategieswillhelpyoutoreviseyoursentenceseffectivelysothatyoursentencesflowsmoothlyandclearly UsingParallelism Allitemslistingtwoormorewords phrases orclauses needtobewritteninthesamegrammaticalstructure Forexample balanceanounwithanoun aphrasewithaphrase aclausewithaclause Manypeopleareinterestedincombatwhentheyreadaboutitathome studyaboutitinschool orwatchingitontelevision Revision Manypeopleareinterestedincombatwhentheyreadaboutitathome studyaboutitinschool orwatchitontelevision UsingParallelismwithPairs Whentwoideasareincluded theymustbeparallel Touristsenjoyviewingairshowsonmilitarybasesandtoexaminedisplaysofarmorinmuseums Revision Touristsenjoyviewingairshowsonmilitarybasesandexaminingarmordisplaysinmuseums UsingParallelism Putwordslinkedbycoordinatingconjunctionsinparallelform Themartialartsstressthestudyofhandtechniqueandhowyoukick Revision Themartialartsstressstrengtheningthehandsandthefeet UsingParallelism Correlativeconjunctions either or neither nor both and whether or requireparallelform InKungFuthehandsmustbenotonlyhardenoughtoknockdownaman butalsotheirsensitivitymustfeelwhichwaythewindblows Revision InKungFuthehandsmustbebothhardenoughtoknockdownamanandsensitiveenoughtofeelwhichwaythewindblows UsingParallelism Comparisonsusingthanorasneedparallelform ThePresidentwouldratherusediplomacythanagreeingtosendtroopsabroad Revision ThePresidentwouldratherusediplomacythanagreetosendtroopsabroad UsingParallelism Byrepeatingthepreposition thearticles orthesubordinatingconjunctions theparallelismbecomesclearerandmoreeffective Thepeacenegotiatorspromisedtohelpoutinthedayornight Revision Thepeacenegotiatorspromisedtohelpoutinthedayorinthenight CheckingforParallelism Checkitemslistedinaseries Useaparallelgrammaticalstructureforallitems Checkplaceswherecoordinateorcorrelativeconjunctionsareused Checksentenceswhereyouusethanandas ParallelismReviewExercises Inthe18thcentury FranzMesmertreatedpatientsbyusingironmagnetsandhypnosis Correct Judgewhetherthefollowingsentenceiscorrect Clicktoseetheanswer ParallelismReviewExercises Peopleaccusedhimofbeingamagicianandthathewasafraud Error Judgewhetherthefollowingsentenceiscorrect Clicktoseetheanswer ParallelismReviewExercises Peopleaccusedhimofbeingamagicianandafraud Correct Judgewhetherthefollowingsentenceiscorrect Clicktoseetheanswer ParallelismReviewExercises Todayhypnosisisusedindentistry inobstetrics andwhenhavingminorsurgery Error Judgewhetherthefollowingsentenceiscorrect Clicktoseetheanswer ParallelismReviewExercises Todayhypnosisisusedindentistry inobstetrics andinminorsurgery Correct Judgewhetherthefollowingsentenceiscorrect Clicktoseetheanswer ParallelismReviewExercises Underhypnotictrance thedepressedpatientmaylearntoassignpositivefeelingstopastlossorlearntoputthelossbehindhimandresumehislife Correct Judgewhetherthefollowingsentenceiscorrect Clicktoseetheanswer ParallelismReviewExercises However hypnoticsubjectscanreadilyconfuseeventsthatreallyhappenedwithimaginaryevents Error Judgewhetherthefollowingsentenceiscorrect Clicktoseetheanswer ParallelismReviewExercises However hypnoticsubjectscanreadilyconfuserealeventswithimaginaryevents Correct Judgewhetherthefollowingsentenceiscorrect Clicktoseetheanswer ParallelismReviewExercises Fear stress andfeelinganxiousseemtobefactorsinincreasingphysiologicalpain Error Judgewhetherthefollowingsentenceiscorrect Clicktoseetheanswer ParallelismReviewExercises Fear stress andanxietyseemtobefactorsinincreasingphysiologicalpain Correct Judgewhetherthefollowingsentenceiscorrect Clicktoseetheanswer ParallelismReviewExercises Hypnosiscanquietthemindbyslowingheartrates loweringrespirationrates anditreducesbloodpressure Error Judgewhetherthefollowingsentenceiscorrect Clicktoseetheanswer ParallelismReviewExercises Hypnosiscanquietthemindbyslowingheartrates loweringrespiration andreducingbloodpressure Correct Judgewhetherthefollowingsentenceiscorrect Clicktoseetheanswer Task1 Crossoutandrevisetheunbalancedpartofeachofthefollowingsentences Ifwe renotcareful we llleavethenextgenerationpollutedair contaminatedwater andforeststhataredying Jesseprefersbooksthatareshort scary andfilledwithsuspense Toescapethestressesofeverydaylife Irelyuponwatchingtelevision readingbooks andmykitchen Thekeystoimprovinggradesaretotakeeffectivenotesinclass toplanstudytime andpreparingcarefullyforexams QualitiesthatIlookforinfriendsareasenseofhumor beingkind anddependability Studyingalittleeverydayismoreeffectivethantocram Payingcollegetuitionandnotstudyingisassensibleastobuyticketstoamovieandnotwatchingit Thelittlegirlcamehomefromschoolwithatear streakedface andablackeye andhershirtwastorn Amanisjudgednotonlybywhathesays butalsohisdeeds Ilikediscussiongroupsbetterthangoingtolectures Allmyfamilypreferteatodrinkingcoffee Itisbettertogivethantaking Useaconsistentpointofview保持前后一致 ConsistencywithverbsNoticetheinconsistentverbtensesinthefollowingexample Jeanpuncheddowntherisenyeastdoughinthebowl Thenshedumpsitontotheflouredworktableandkneadeditintoasmooth shinyball Jeanpunchesdowntherisenyeastdoughinthebowl Thenshedumpsitontotheflouredworktableandkneadsitintoasmooth shinyball Task2 Maketheverbsineachsentenceconsistentwiththefirstverbused AnaggressivenewsphotographerknockedareportertothegroundasthemoviestarsarrivefortheAcademyAwards Severaltimesayear Iliketotakeadayoff goawaybymyselfandrechargedmymentalbatteries WhenthegreatearthquakestruckSanFranciscoin1906 theentirecityburnstothegroundinlessthantwenty fourhours Useaconsistentpointofview保持前后一致Consistencywithpronouns InconsistentOneofthefringebenefitsofmyjobisthatyoucanuseacompanycreditcardforgasoline Thoughwelikemostofourneighbors thereareafewyoucan tgetalongwith ConsistentOneofthefringebenefitsofmyjobisthatIcanuseacompanycreditcardforgasoline Thoughwelikemostofourneighbors thereareafewwecan tgetalongwith Task3 Studentsmaynotleavetheexamroomunlessyouhaveturnedintheexam Ifyouwanttodowellinthiscourse oneshouldplanonattendingeveryday Ninawantedtojustbrowsethroughthestore butineverydepartmentasalespersoncameupandaskedtohelpyou Manypeopleareignorantofsideeffectsthatdietscanhaveonyourhealth Thereareseveralwaysyoucanimpressyournewboss Forexample oneshoulddresswell arriveatworkontime andcompletetasksefficiently UseSpecificWords选用具体词汇 GeneralShewalkeddownthestreet Animalscameintotheplace Themansignedthepaper SpecificAnnewanderedslowlyalongQuanchengRoad Hungrylionspaddedsilentlyintothesawdust coveredarena Thebiologyteacherhastilyscribbledhisnameonthepaper Fourwaystomakeyoursentencesspecific Useexactnames Hesoldhiscamper LukesoldhisWinnebago Uselivelyverbs Theflagmovedinthebreeze Theflagflutteredinthebreeze Usedescriptivewords modifiers beforenouns Amanstrainedtoliftthecrate Aheavyset perspiringmanstrainedtolifttheheavywoodencrate Fourwaystomakeyoursentencesspecific Usewordsthatrelatetothesenses sight hearing taste smell touch Eg Thatwomanjogsfivemilesaday Thatfragile looking gray hairedwomanjogsfivemilesaday sight Eg Anoisetoldthecrowdthatthereweretwominuteslefttoplay Apiercingwhistletoldthecheeringcrowdthatthereweretwominuteslefttoplay hearing Eg Whenheturned allhefoundintherefrigeratorwasbreadandmilk Whenheturned allhefoundintherefrigeratorwasstalebreadandsourmilk taste Eg Neilstrokedthekitten sfuruntilhefeltitstinyclawsonhishand Neilstrokedthekitten svelvetyfuruntilhefeltitstiny needle sharpclawsonhishand touch Eg Franplacedasachetinherbureaudrawer Franplacedalilac scentedsachetinherbureaudrawer smell Task4 Revisethefollowingsentences changingvague indefinitewordsintosharp specificones Severalofourappliancesbrokedownatthesametime Saltysnacksaremydietdownfall Severalsectionsofthenewspaperweremissing Thedoctorexaminedvariouspartsofmybodybeforediagnosingmyillnessasbronchitis Isweptasidethethingsonmydeskinordertospreadouttheroadmap Task5 Withthemethodsdescribedabove addspecificdetailstothesentencesbelow Thepersongotoffthebus Sheworkedhardallsummer Thetestwasdifficult Therewasanappleinthefruitbowl Hestartedthecar Thescentofperfumecanbesmelledintheair Useactiveverbs PassiveThecomputerwasturnedonbyHakim Thecar sairconditionerwasfixedbythemechanic ActiveHakimturnedonthecomputer Themechanicfixedthecar sairconditioner Task6 Revisethefollowingsentences changingverbsfromthepassivetotheactivevoiceandmakinganyotherwordchangesnecessary ManyunhealthyfoodsareincludedinthetypicalChinesediet Thefamilypicnicwasinvadedbyhundredsofbitingants Antibioticsareusedbydoctorstotreatmanyinfections Mycomputerwasinfectedbyavirus Thefataltrafficaccidentwascausedbyadrunkdriver Finalgradeswillbedeterminedbytheinstructoronthebasisofclassperformance Useconcisewords Twoexamplesofwordysentences Inthispaper IamplanningtodescribethehobbythatIenjoyofcollectingoldcomicbooks InBen sopinion hethinksthatcabletelevisionwillchangeourlives Omittingneedlesswordsimprovesthesesentences Ienjoycollectingoldcomicbooks Benthinksthatcabletelevisionwillchangeourlives Followingisalistofsomewordyexpressionsthatcouldbereducedtosinglewords Wordyformatthepresenttimeintheeventthatinthenearfutureduetothefactthatforthereasonthatisabletoineveryinstanceinthisdayandageduringthetimethatalargenumberof Shortformnowifsoonbecausebecausecanalwaystodaywhilemany biginsizeredincolorfiveinnumberreturnbackgoodbenefitcommutebackandforthpostponeduntillater Task7 Ingeneral Iamthesortofpersonwhotendstobeshy especiallyinlargeorwithstrangersIdon tknowwell Ihaveastrongpreferenceforcandyoverfruit which inmyopinion doesn ttasteasgoodascandydoes Lynnisoneofthosepeoplewhorarelyadmitbeingwrong anditisveryunusualtohearheracknowledgethatshehasmadeamistake Manypeopleareoftheopinionthatchildrenshouldberequiredbylawtoattendschooluntiltheyreachtheageofsixteenyearsold Thesalespersonadvisedusnottobuythecomputeratthistimebecauseitwasgoingtohaveadropinpriceintheverynearfuture Varyyoursentences变换句型 Task8 Revisethefollowingsimplesentence makingitmorecomplexandsophisticated Thedoghasmuddypawsandfleas Heneedsabath Thedoghasmuddypawsandfleas andthereforeneedsabath Thedog havingmuddypawsandfleas needsabath Thedogneedsabath becausehehasamuddypawsandfleas Asthedoghasmuddypawsandfleas heneedsabath Thedog whohasmuddypawsandfleas needsabath Beginningwithaspecialopeningwordorphrase Examplesofthefivekindsofspecialopeners edwordConcernedabouthisson sfever Paulcalledadoctor ingwordNothavingstudiedhislessonsveryhard hefailedtheexaminations lywordHesitantly Sueapproachedtheinstructor sdesk towordgroupToprotectherhair Evausesthelowestsettingonherblowdryer PrepositionalphraseDuringtheexam dropsofwaterfellfromtheceiling Task9 Combineeachofthefollowingpairsofsimplesentencesintoonesentence Shirleysignedtherepaircontract Shewasreluctant Theinternsvolunteeredtoworkovertime Theywantedtoimprovetheir