2003真题作文.doc

2003真题作文评讲Directions:Study the following set of drawings carefully and write an essay in which you should 1)describe the set of drawings, Interpret its meaning, and 2)point out its implications in our life.You should write about 200 words neatly on ANSWER SHEET 2.(20 points)1 切题方面：1） 审题：第一段要求描述所给的图并解释图的意义。但是，通常都应该将图的意义的陈述作为主题句，而利用图中所表达的具体内容作为发展。除非题目对解释含义另作要求（如2004年的作文）。可以从以下几个方面考虑：所给的图有什么意义？我们怎么知道这个意义的？所给的图是如何表达这个意义的？为什么在温室中花能很好地生长？为什么没有了温室花就不能存活了？第二段可以考虑：所给的图对我们的现时生活有什么实际意义？作为家长可以得出什么教训？究竟如何培养子女的独立性？作为子女应该做些什么？究竟如何做才能经受得起风雨？2） 缺乏有效的主题句。很少有人注意写主题句。 例：The living condition influences the growth of flowers.分析：此例没有一个引入话题的introduction，作为文章的开头显得太唐突。不符合第一段的要求（不切题），没有表现出图的意义。改：The two given drawings are very simple,（引入话题） but they reveal a universal truth: ones living conditions may greatly influence his growth.（作为本段的主题句。在下文中利用对两幅图的细节描述来支持发展。）2 结构方面：大量的句子基本结构的错误。什么是句子的基本结构？一定要注意一句一个基本结构，谓语和非谓语要分清，句子的结构和意义要完整。例：From the above picture, we can see that the flower where in warmhouse（自编术语）（没有分清从句和短语） is thrive （谓语是如何构成的？不可能连续两个动词。Thrive词类？）than outside.（比较句型的结构和意义不完整。看不出谁和谁在哪方面比较。）整个句子意义“不知所云”。3 准确思维，准确表达1） 前后句子的意义要连贯。要通过写好主题句和紧密围绕主题句发展来保证意义连贯，思路清晰。 例：He is like the flower in the greenhouse of the first drawing. Although the weather is very bad, the flower is growing very well because of the protection of the greenhouse. 分析：第一句涉及he，第二句却突然转向了the flower。前后两句缺乏关联。 改：He is like the flower in the greenhouse. As is shown in the first drawing, although the weather is very bad, the flower is growing very well because of the protection of the greenhouse.通过加入as从句，表明利用图中的内容作为例子说明前句，实现了前后两句的关联。例：The drawer tries to tell us that the flower in the greenhouse cant withstand wind and rain. Currently, there is a widespread concern over the problem of youngsters dependent on their parents. Through the picture, the drawer serve as a warning (改：aims to warn the parents / 或将整个句子改为The picture is a warning ) to some parents who give too much protection to their children.分析：第一句涉及对图的意义的解释，但是没有解释清楚，成了对图中内容的介绍。第二句不切题。原本应该是对前一句的进一步发展，却将应该在第二段中讨论的话题放在此处。也造成了前后两句的意义不连贯。第三句又解释图的意义，结果造成与第二句的意义不连贯。例：Through the picture, the drawer tries to tell us that (1) flowers in the greenhouse can grow well and bloom, but can not stand up to the rain and wind. （2）From blooming to fading, （3）we can see that no experience, no maturity.(4) In the modern society, we regard the children as the flowers, the children was too. (5)(6)分析：（1） 这是用于表明图的意义的句型。（2） 没有表明图的意义，却介绍了图中的内容。（3） 非谓语用法错误。非谓语作状语时，通常句子的主语是其逻辑主语。可是此句中we不能blooming或fading。Fade选此错误。改：from the blooming and the withering of the flowers, （4） 有的谚语用了这样的形式，如 No pain, no gain。但是，谚语不能作为语法规则，更不能自己编造谚语。应该用完整的句式表达完整的思想。改：Without rich experiences, it is difficult for one to become mature.（5） The children was too.意义不明。（6） 此句与上句意义不连贯。由于全段缺乏一个有效的主题句，没有紧密围绕主题句发展，造成全段意义不连贯，思路不清。 2） 每一句的意义要表达清楚，不要自编表达法。 一个矛盾：一方面，许多同学感到无话可说。另一方面，许多句子的意义都不够细致准确。解决办法：每一个句子的意义都必须明确具体，每一个句子都必须符合一个基本句子结构。每一句的结构和意义都要完整。按照英语基本句子结构的习惯来思考要表达的意义。想清楚才能表达清楚。 例：The flower of lost greenhouse（结构与意义不清。失去的温室的花？） is running activity.（自编表达法，意义不明。）可能想要表达的意义：失去了温室的花。 改：将各种需要表达的信息具体化。From the second drawing we may see （信息来源）that once it has lost the protection of the greenhouse, （用一个完整的从句将有关情况交代清楚）the flower can not resist the wind and rain outside （将有关的原因交代清楚）and as a result, （利用承上启下的短语表现因果关系）it has withered ( it has lost the power of life).（将结果表达清楚） 例：It is recently reported that some Chinese pupils failed（选词错误） some Japanese pupils in a wild life compete（词类，自编表达法。一个名词用作另一个名词的定语是为了构成一个常用概念。而概念是不能自编的。）which Chinas and Japans（词类） government organized（语态） together. 改：It is recently reported that some Chinese pupils were defeated by some Japanese pupils in a competition（或lost a competition with some Japanese pupils/ lost to some Japanese pupils in a competition/ failed in a competition with some Japanese pupils）（利用了正确的表达法）, which was organized by the governments of the two countries（清楚表达是由谁组织的） to test the abilities of living in the wildness ( wild fields).（用一个不定式短语作状语表达这个competition的目的，而不是自编概念。） 3）比喻意义的描写。例：This picture used flowers comparison to the children; used greenhouse comparison to the comfortable conditions.(时态错误。Comparison句型错误。句子连接的错误。前后两句应该是并列关系。)改：In the picture, the flowers are compared to children, and the greenhouse are compared to the comfortable conditions. / In the picture, the flowers are a comparison to children, and the greenhouse are a comparison to the comfortable conditions. / The drawer of the picture compares the flowers to children, and the greenhouse to the comfortable conditions. 范文：Flowers in the GreenhouseThe given set of drawings is very meaningful and instructive, （引入话题）which may serve as a warning to some parents who give too much care and protection to their children. （作为主题句，表明了图中表现的意义。）As we can see in the first picture,（表明信息来源） the flower in the greenhouse grows well despite the wind and rain outside.（第一幅图所表现的内容） However,（承上启下） the second picture shows （信息来源）that the flower withers in the wind and rain because it loses the protection of the greenhouse. （第二幅图所表现的内容）From the given pictures, we can learn that the flower in the greenhouse cant withstand wind and rain, since it is used to the comfortable conditions inside the greenhouse.（归纳总结两幅图所表现的内容）（主题句）The symbolic meaning of the pictures（承接上段） may draw our attention to their implications（利用题目要求/提纲中的关键词保证切题） in the society. （在这一段的主题句中，只要提到在生活中有implications就可以切题。因此这个主题句可以有多中写法。以下的发展就只需要逐一列出这些implications或稍加发展。）The most noticeable is the way that many parents treat their children and the dependence of some youngsters on their parents.（上一句的发展，同时又引出下文的更具体的发展。先利用the way that many parents和the dependence of some youngsters归纳出总的要发展的两个方面，在下文中再来作具体的每个方面的详细阐述。既表现了无论什么话题都归结为几点来写的技巧，保证了思路清晰，又体现出重点先交代，越往后越详细的规律。） Many parents just behave like the greenhouse （因为是写图中含义，所以随时注意结合图中的内容来写。）as far as the education of their children is concerned.（对parents的做法的总的描写） The parents usually give too much care and too much protection to their children.（对上一句的具体发展支持） So there is a strange （利用给一个名词添加一个形容词作定语，给一个动词、形容词、副词添加一个副词作状语的技巧，来丰富表达，丰富思想，同时也可以表现自己的态度倾向。）phenomenon tha