上海中考英语作文提高训练

作文的润色

1.从框中选择恰当词组填入段落，使得段落通顺。

A.islikelytoB.laysemphasisC.favors

D.goingforwardblindE.thatistosayF.basedon

G.InthecourseofH.stepbystep

Inmyview,thesayingmeansthatnosuccessiseasytogain,,successalwaysthose

whoarewellpreparedandmakeprogress.Ifoneonlyonspeed,qualitymightbe

neglected,whichkeephimawayfromsuccess.pursuingsuccess,it'sefficiency,

notspeed,thatwereallyneed.Goingforwardatahighspeedaloneis.Theeffectthat

"achievetwicetheresultwithhalftheeffort"isbothefficiencyandquality.

【解答】1.belikelyto可能做

2.layemphasison把重点放在

3.favor作动词，表示“青睐”

4.goforwardblind盲目前进

5.thatistosay也就是说

6.bebasedon建立在..基础上

7.inthecourseof在..过程中

8.stepbystep一步步地

【答案】ECHBAGDF

【知识梳理】

1.作文写作步骤及技巧：

★审(Read)

从作文标题"1wanttovolunteerin/at”中可得知，主要的写作内容应为我想在_担任志愿者,

再根据所给提示：1.Wheredoyouwanttovolunteer2.Whydoyouwanttobeavolunteerthere?

3.Doyouhaveanyproblem?即可得出写作框架：1.我想，-担任志感者。2.原因...3.我所遇见

的问题…但与之前篇章略有差别的是，如果你在做志愿者的过程中没有遇见任何问题，即

可省略第三点，将其替换成3.conclusion.

★写(Write)

根据之前所讲写作步骤:作文题目一写作框架一添加素材一初稿

Step1

即可进行如下书写步骤的拆解：

1.Wheredoyouwanttovolunteer?

开篇:Iwanttovolunteerin/at...

2.Whydoyouwanttobeavolunteerthere?

中间:Thereasonsare...

3.Conclusion.

结尾:lhope...

接下来，我们需要思考，涉及计划、建议类话题时，可以运用哪些词汇及句式，才会使文章的内

容变得丰富。

词汇大搜罗

▲名词：

1.answer(67)2.care(232)3.chance(251)4.child(268)5.country(344)

6.day(374)7.kind(827)8.volunteer(1630)9.work(1702)10.reletive(1249)11.word(1701)

▲动词：

l.become(136)2.can(2243.care(232)4.choose(275)5.confuse(323)6.do(431)

7.feel(555)8.find(569)9.give(653)10.1ive(882)1l.talk(1498)12.want(1637)

13.do(43114.have(659)

▲形容词：

1.better(154)2.great(667)3.interesting(782)4.1onely(888)5.more(968)6.poor(l159)

2

same(1309)8.some(1412)9.such(1471)

▲副词：

l.easily(458)2.especially(498)3.never(1006)4.only(1051)5.very(1629)

连接词及短语大搜罗

▲表层次

next,besides,moreover

▲表因果

Because,so,therefore,asaresult

▲表总结

Inaword,inshort,onthewhole

表达方式大搜罗

1.Haveyoueverbeen...?你曾经是..

2.1havenever...我从来没有..

3.Ifiamgivenachance...,1will…如果给我个机会.，我会....

4.Because1wantto…因为我想..

5.Wemust...我们必须..

运用以上单词、连接词以及句式,就可以在已写出的文章框架(开篇、中间、结尾)的中心句

的基础上，添加必要的写作素材,从而形成文章的初稿，如下初稿：

Iwanttovolunteerinanursinghome

Haveyoueverbeenavolunteerbefore?Wheredidyouvolunteer?Didyoufindit

interesting?Maybeyouhavebeenconfusedbythequestionsthathavebeenmentionedabove.

Next,Iwillgiveyoumyanswers.Infactj*veneverdonesuchajobbefore.However,ifIam

givenachancetodothiskindofwork,Iwillchoosethenursinghomefirst.BecauseIwantto

givesomecareandlovetopeoplethere.Weallknowthatagreatpartoftheoldinthenursing

homeareverypoor,andtheyhavenochildrenorrelativestolokafterthem.Asaresult,the

lonelysensecanattackthemeasilyspeciallyonsomebigdays.Whenwegivethemahelping

hand.

theymaynotfeellonelyanymore.Inaword,weallliveinthesamecountry,sowemustcarefor

eachother.Becausethesocietycanbebetterandbetteronlybythis.

★美(Beautify)

3

根据之前所讲的写作步骤:初稿包装句子

Step2

初稿一包装句子

则可发现,文章在句式方面出现了如下问题：

初稿：

Iwanttovolunteerinanursinghome

Haveyoueverbeenavolunteerbefore?Wheredidyouvolunteer?Didyoufinditinteresting?

Maybeyouhavebeenconfusedbythequestions1.thathavebeanmentionedabove.Next,Iwill

giveyoumyanswers.2.Infactj'veneverdonesuchajobbefore.However,ifIamgivena

chancetodothiskindofwork,3.1willchoosethenursinghomefirst."BecauseIwanttogive

somecareandlovetopeopleihere.5.Weallknowthatagreatpartoftheoldinthenursinghome

areverypoor,6.andtheyhavenochildrenvrrelativestolokafte】them.Asaresult,thelonely

sensecanattackthemeasilyspeciallyonsomebigdays.7.Whenwcgivethemahelping

hand.theymaynotfeellonelyanymore.Inaword,weallliveinthesamecountry,8.sowemust

careforeachother.9.Becausethesocietycanbebetterandbetteronlybythis.

被动请态的定语从句显累赘。

短语使用过于简单。

五大基本何型。

单纯使用原国状语从句

单纯使用宾请从句。

五大基本句型x2。

单纯使用时间状语从句

五大基本何型x3。

单纯使用原因状语从句x2.

根据以上问题，可将初稿修改成如下版本:

准终稿：

Iwanttovolunteerinanursinghome

Haveyoueverbeenavolunteerbefore?Wheredidyouvolunteer?Didyoufindit

interesting?Maybeyouhavebeentotallypuzzledbythesequestions①mentionedabove.Next,I

willgiveyoumyanswers.②Franklyspeaking.I'veneverdonesuchajob.However,ifIamgiven

4

achancetodosomevoluntarywork,thenursinghome③willbemyfirs)choice.④Thereason

whyIchooseitisthatIwanttogivesomecareandlovetopeoplethere.⑤Asisknown」oall,a

greatpartoftheoldinthenursinghomeareverypoon(6)withnochildrenorrelativeslooking

afterthemAsaresult,thesenseoflonelinesscanattackthemeasilyespeciallyonsomebigdays.

⑦Bygivingthemahelpinghand,theymaynoteellonelyanymore.Inaword,weallliveinthe

samecountry,so⑧itisamustforusIocareforeachother.⑨Onlybydoingthiscanthesociety

bebetterandbetter.

以上修改过程，主要用到了以下单词及句型：

超纲词汇大搜罗

totallyadv.完全地；整个地

puzzledadj.困惑的；迷惑的

franklyadv.坦白地；直率地

volunteeradj.志愿的；自愿的

5.lonelinessn.孤独；寂寞

高分句式大搜罗

①过去分词做后置定语：

...thequestionsmentionedabove译为:“前面所提至U的问题”

②固定搭配：

franklyspeaking译为:“坦白说"

③固定句式：

sth,/sb.willbemyfirstchoice译为:“某人某事会是我的首选”

④固定句式：

Thereasonwhy..isthat...译为：…的原因...

⑤固定搭配：

Asisknownto11,

译为:“众所周知，..

⑥with+名词+宾补：

withnochildrenorrelativeslookingafterthem译为:“没有孩子或亲人照顾他们”

原句：Floodsareseriousproblem.Worsestill,theymaybecomemorepowerfulandfrequentas

globalwarmingbecomesmoreandmoreserious.

5

替换为:Floodsareasaseriousproblem,Worsestill,withglobalwarmingbecomingmore

andmoreserious,theymaybecomemorepowerfulandfrequent.

⑦固定句式：

Bydoing...sb.

译为:“通过做某事，某人…

考点链接：

原句，Howcan1findthem?Youcancheckforthemonthecomputerfirst.

普换为：Bycheckingforthemanthecomputerfrst,youcanfndthem.

⑧固定句式：

Itisamustforsb.todosth.

译为：“对于某人来说做某事是必须的”

⑨倒装句:only+状语+部分倒装

Onlybydoingthiscanthesocialbebetterandbetter.译为:“只有这样做，社会才会越来越美

好」

★查(check)

根据之前所讲的写作步骤:包装句子一检查语法一成文，改正语法错误。

Step3

包装句子-检查语法―成文

所有步骤完成后，即可形成文章终稿，如下：

终稿：

Iwanttovolunteerinanursinghome

Haveyoueverbeenavolunteerbefore?Wheredidyouvolunteer?Didyoufindit

interesting?Maybeyouhavebeenpuzzledbythequestionsmentionedabove.Next,Iwillgive

youmyanswers.Franklyspeaking,I'veneverdonesuchajob.However,ifIamgivenachance

todosomevoluntarywork,thenursinghomewillbemyfirstchoice.ThereasonwhyIchooseit

isthatIwanttogivesomecareandlovetopeoplethere.Asisknowntoall,agreatpartoftheold

inthenursinghomeareverypoor,withnochildrenorrelativeslookingafterthem.Asaresult,

thesenseoflonelinesscanattackthemeasily,especiallyonsomebigdays.Bygivingthema

helpinghand,theymaynotfeellonelyanymore.Inaword,weallliveinthesamecountry,soit

isamustforustocareforeachother.Onlybydoingthiscanthesocietybecomebetterandbetter.

6

【例题精讲】

例1.作文提升秘笈

例文：

AsfarasI'mconcerned,astrictteacherisgoodforus.

WhenIwasinmiddleschool,Iwaslazyanddidn'twanttorememberEnglishwords.

However,myEnglishteacherwasverystrict.Sheaskedustodictatenewwordseveryday.Inthe

end,weallgothighmarksinthefinalexam.Wewerehappy.

Howimportantastrictteacheris!(65)

Stepl.磨“字词”

同意转换

begoodfor---behelpfulto

用稍难一点的词汇替代比较简单常见词汇

very-extremely

ask-require

happy—satisfied

修改后：

AsfarasI'mconcerned,astrictteacherishelpfultous.

WhenIwasinmiddleschool,Iwaslazyanddidn'twanttorememberEnglishwords.

However,myEnglishteacherwasextremelystrict.Sherequiredustodictatenewwordsevery

day.Intheend,weallgothighmarksinthefinalexam.Weweresatisfied.

Howimportantastrictteacheris!

St叩2.修句型

例句1：WhenIwasinmiddleschool,Iwaslazyanddidn'twanttorememberEnglishwords.

知金版

结果状语从句：so...that...

WhenIwasinmiddleschool,IwassolazythatIdidn'twanttorememberevenanewword.

钻石版

7

把时间状语从句变为分词作伴随状语

Studyinginmiddleschool,IwassolazythatIdidn'twanttorememberevenanewword.

例句2：Sherequiredustodictatenewwordseveryday.

粕金版

主动改被动

Wewererequiredtodictatenewwordseveryday.

钻石版

Itisrequiredthatsb.shoulddo...

Itwasrequiredthatweshoulddictatenewwordseveryday.

例句3：Intheend,weallgethighmarksinthefinalexam.Weweresatisfied.

祐金版

宾语从句Weweresatisfiedthat...

Weweresatisfiedthatweallgothighmarksinthefinalexam.

钻石版

合成一句，把weweresatisfied.变为介词短语。

Muchtooursatisfaction,intheend,weallgothighmarksinthefinalexam.

Step3.美“框架”

开头：AsfarasI'mconcerned,astrictteacherisofgreathelptous.

结尾：Howimportantastrictteacheris!

结尾应该要呼应主题，又不能与开头重复。

总结词：Inaword/Inconclusion/

Therefore/Frommypointofview

一般常用反意疑问句、感叹句或者是祝愿句。

Inaword,wereallyneedstrictteachersinourlearning,don'twe?

Therefore,Ireallyhopethatwecanhavestrictteacherstohelpuslearnbetter.

8

成文1:

AsfarasI'mconcerned,astrictteacherishelpfultous.

Studyinginmiddleschool,IwassolazythatIevendidn'twanttorememberanew

word.However,myEnglishteacherwasextremelystrict.Wewererequiredtodictatenewwords

everyday.Muchtooursatisfaction,intheend,weallgothighmarksinthefinalexam.

Howimportantastrictteacheris!

成文2：

AsfarasI'mconcerned,astrictteacherishelpfultous.

Studyinginmiddleschool,IwassolazythatIevendidn'twanttorememberanewword.

However,myEnglishteacherwasextremelystrict.Wewererequiredtodictatenewwordsevery

day.Muchtooursatisfaction,intheend,weallgothighmarksinthefinalexam.

Therefore,Ireallyhopethatwecanhavestrictteacherstohelpuslearnbetter.

总结：作文提升秘籍

1.磨“字词”

同意转换要活用

稍难词汇替代简单常见词汇

2.修句型

短句变长句

从句要多用

状语从句

名词性从句

定语从句

被动句

it句型

3.美“框架”

避免重复

紧扣主题

感叹句

反意疑问句

9

祝愿句

【解答】无

【答案】无

【巩固练习】

1.Writeatleast60wordsonthetopic"Myplanfor__________2（以“我的

计戈『'为题写一篇不少于60个词的短文，标点符号不占格。）

提示：你可以描述你对学校活动，（毕业考，高中学习，假期或者未来的却划和打算，可

以具体举例说明计划的原因，目的和内容以及你期望的结果。

【答案】Mysummerholidays

Ilikethesummerholidaysomuch.Ilookforwardtosummerholidayeveryyear.Last

summer,IwenttoShenzhenformyholiday,whichisalsoacityofseashorelikeHaikou.I

enjoyedhavingawalkalongthebeachaftersupperorhavingaswimintheafternoon.Theskyis

blue,theairisfresh.Whereveryougo,Youcanalwaysseethegreentrees,theneatgrassesand

thecolourfulflowers.Theywerereallywonderful.ShenZhenhasalotoftallbuildings.Anditis

amoderncity.Iamplanningtospendmysummerholidayonsportsthisyear.Playing

basketballisalwaysmyfavourite,sosomeofmyclassmatesandIwillformasmallteamand

playbasketballtogether.SometimeswemayhaveamatchagainstsomeotherteamsandIdo

enjoythesensewhenwewinthegame.

Ifyouaskmewhatmyfavouritesummerholidaywillbelike,travelingaroundistheonlyanswer.

IhopethatonedayIcouldmeetdifferentpeopleandvisitdifferentplacesofinterest.IwishI

couldhavetwolongholidaysinayear,whataboutyou?

当堂一测

1.Pressureonstudentsisincreasingandtheyarepushedtohardworkintheirstudies.Doyou

thinkthisisgoodorbadtostudents?现如今学生的压力越来越大，你认为这是一个好现象吗？

请以此题写一篇不少于60词的作文。

【解答】同上

10

【答案】Aseveryoneknows,stressisanaturalpartofeverydaylifeandthereisnowayto

avoidit.Asthepaceofmodernlifecontinuestoincrease,wearealwaysundertoomuchpressure.

Buteverythinghasitstwosides,stressalsohasitsadvantagesanddisadvantages.

Somepeopleareafraidofpressure.Theythinkthatthestressesandstrainsofworkdeprive

themofjoyandhappiness.Othersarguethatstressisn'tasbadasitoftensupposedtobe.

Inmyopinion,acertain