读后续写：一把梳子 讲义-高三英语写作专项

读后续写人与自我阅读下面材料，根据其内容和所给段落开头语续写两段，使之构成一篇完整的短文。“Jackson,Iloveyou.Butyoumaybethemessiestboyintheworld,"Jackson'smothersaidassheplacedapileofcleanclothesonhisalreadycrowdeddresser.“Remember,aplaceforeverything,andeverythinginitsplace.""Okay.Iwill.Thanksforwashingthem."Afterhismomlefttheroom,Jacksonlookedaround.Hedidn'tunderstandhismomsometimes.Hisroomwasn'tthatmessy!Sure,therewassomethingonthefloor,ontopofthedresser,andunderhisbed,buthecouldstillwalkaroundwithoutsteppingonsomethingmostly.Hepulledonabaseballcapandlefttheroom.Itwasabeautifulsummerday.Herodehisbikethroughtheyardandtowardtheroad.Theylivedinthecountryanddidn'tgetmuchtraffic.Still,healwayslookedbothwaystobesurenocarwascoming.Fardowntheroad,hecouldseesomeoneridingabike.Whowasthat?ThenhesawthebrightblondehairandheknewLily,Averybeautifulgirl!Theyrodethesamebus,satinthesameclass,livedonlyafewhousesapart,butstillJacksonhadnevertalkedtoher.Ever!Todaywouldbetheday!Helookeddownathisjeans.Theyweredirtyandthekneesweregreenfromplayinginthegrass.Hisshirtwasevenworse!Jacksonturnedhisbikeandrodeasfastashecouldbacktothehouse.Heranthroughthedoor,andupthestairstohisroom.Hepulledoncleanclothesandthenlookedintothedressermirror.Hishairpokedout（伸出）fromunderthebaseballcap.Hepulledthecapoffandranhisfingersthroughhishair.Itlookedevenworsenow.注意：1.续写词数应为150左右；2.请按如下格式在答题卡的相应位置作答。Mycomb!Jacksonsearchedthetopofhisdresser.Butitwasn'tthere!Helookedunderhisbedforthecomb：nothingbutpartsofhisracetrack,somedirtysocksandhisoldfootball.Heranaroundhisroomtolookforit,slipped,andfellonthefloor,banginghisknee."Ouch!"heyelled.Jacksonrubbedhissorekneeashegotupandthenrantowardthedoor.Justbeforehereachedit,hesteppedonsomethingandfellhard.Hisfacehitthefloorandhefeltpaininhislip.Asmalldropofbloodwasonhisfinger.Hewassoangrywithhimself,becausehecouldnotgooutthereandtalktoLilyforthefirsttimeeverwithabloodylip.Hestayedonthefloor.Afterafewminutes,herolledontohisside.Ashedid,hecouldseehiscombunderthedresser.Herememberedhismomsaying,“Aplaceforeverything,andeverythinginitsplace."Hismomwasright.Hestoodupslowly.Maybehewouldgoforabikeridelater.Rightnowhewasgoingtocleanhisroom.

文本分析解读人物：

Jackson,messyboyhismom,Lily,hisclassmate,abeautifulgirlwiththeblondhair情节线：邋遢男孩在骑自行车的路上偶遇同班漂亮女生，之前从未与之说过话。这次想要开口和同学说话，但发现自己邋遢糟糕形象而折返回家到自己的卧室收拾一下。接下来是找梳子时发生的一系列事情。情感线：主要是对男孩的动作描述中体现。ranthroughthedoor,andupthestairs…Hewasinahurry.Itlookedevenworse.Hewasnotsatisfiedwithhisappearance.原文动作细节较多，可以选择适当动词呈现，稍加情感描写。伏笔：主题相关伏笔文章开头妈妈的话。themessiestboyintheworld

细节伏笔：卧室环境，乱七八糟为下文的意外埋下合理的伏笔。

动作展现情绪的伏笔：ranthroughthedoor,andupthestairs…Hewasinahurry.主题：人与自我的成长，邋遢男孩变得不再邋遢，意识到整理收拾的重要，开始做出改变。

写作原则读写并重，依读而写。深挖原文，准抓伏笔。（文章六要素、动作、环境、语言、心理情绪都暗藏玄机。）情节符合逻辑最重要，自然升华主题，如行云流水不着痕迹。巧设动作，情感自然流露。NOTONLYTOTELL,TOSHOW.段落衔接自然，长短句结合使用。文风朴实，修辞恰当。注意：切勿炫技巧，班门弄斧。合理使用背会的高级表达，合理使用也是能力体现。其他：规范答题，书写工整，卷面整洁。偶有错误，括弧划出。训练建议：基于教师所给语料，建立个人语料库。模仿佳句，落到实处。夯实基础，片断式写作训练。写作思路根据所给线索提示，第一段细节刻画男孩找东西的细节动作，并与第二段开头发生的意外进行衔接。第二段，可以写发生小意外之后男孩的反思以及随之的行动，找到梳子与否可以不做关键处理。

写作层级：

只言片语，支离破碎

0-5

汉式表达

6-10

马马虎虎，勉强能懂

11-15

逻辑清晰，偶有小错16-20

行云流水，赏心悦目

21-25偶有抄写原文，但符合逻辑，酌情给分参考答案“Mycomb!”Jacksonsearchedthetopofthedresser.But,itwasn’tthere.Runningoutofpatience,hejustpulledthedraweroutandpouredeverythingdownonthefloor.Still,therewasnocomb.Then,hewentdownonhiskneestocheckunderthebed.Buttherewasnothingbuthispairsofdirtysocksandpieceofpapers.Hewanderedaroundhisroom,searchingforhiscombinsuchahurrythathedidnotnoticethereweresomesmallballsonthefloor.Unfortunately,beforehefoundhimselfsteppingontooneball,hefelldowntothefloorheavily.Hisfacehitthefloorandhefeltpaininhislip.Hetouchedhislipgentlywithhisfinger,findingbloodonit.“HowwasitpossibleforhimtotalktoLilywith

abloodylip?”,hethought.Feelingabitdisappointed,hesatonth