9.how to make work life balance work 如何达到生活工作平衡

What I thought I would do is I would start with a simple request. Id like all of you to pause for a moment, you wretched weaklings, and take stock of your miserable existence. (Laughter) 0:29Now that was the advice that St. Benedict gave his rather startled followers in the fifth century. It was the advice that I decided to follow myself when I turned 40. Up until that moment, I had been that classic corporate warrior - I was eating too much, I was drinking too much, I was working too hardand I was neglecting the family. And I decided that I would try and turn my life around. In particular, I decided I would try to address the thorny issue of work-life balance. So I stepped back from the workforce, and I spent a year at home with my wife and four young children. But all I learned about work-life balance from that year was that I found it quite easy to balance work and life when I didnt have any work. (Laughter) Not a very useful skill, especially when the money runs out. 1:28So I went back to work, and Ive spent these seven years since struggling with, studying and writing about work-life balance. And I have four observations Id like to share with you today. The first is: if societys to make any progress on this issue, we need an honest debate. But the trouble is so many people talk so much rubbish about work-life balance. All the discussions about flexi-time or dress-down Fridays or paternity leave only serve to mask the core issue, which is that certain job and career choices are fundamentally incompatible with being meaningfully engaged on a day-to-day basis with a young family. Now the first step in solving any problem is acknowledging the reality of the situation youre in. And the reality of the society that were in is there are thousands and thousands of people out there leading lives of quiet, screaming desperation, where they work long, hard hours at jobs they hateto enable them to buy things they dont need to impress people they dont like. (Laughter) (Applause) Its my contention that going to work on Friday in jeans and a T-shirt isnt really getting to the nub of the issue. 3:00(Laughter) 3:04The second observation Id like to make is we need to face the truth that governments and corporationsarent going to solve this issue for us. We should stop looking outside. Its up to us as individuals to take control and responsibility for the type of lives that we want to lead. If you dont design your life,someone else will design it for you, and you may just not like their idea of balance. Its particularly important - this isnt on the World Wide Web, is it? Im about to get fired - its particularly important that you never put the quality of your life in the hands of a commercial corporation. Now Im not talking here just about the bad companies - the “abattoirs of the human soul,“ as I call them. (Laughter) Im talking about all companies. Because commercial companies are inherently designed to get as much out of you as they can get away with. Its in their nature; its in their DNA; its what they do - even the good, well-intentioned companies. On the one hand, putting childcare facilities in the workplace is wonderful and enlightened. On the other hand, its a nightmare - it just means you spend more time at the bloody office. We have to be responsible for setting and enforcing the boundaries that we want in our life. 4:33The third observation is we have to be careful with the time frame that we choose upon which to judge our balance. Before I went back to work after my year at home, I sat down and I wrote out a detailed, step-by-step description of the ideal balanced day that I aspired to. And it went like this: wake up well rested after a good nights sleep. Have sex. Walk the dog. Have breakfast with my wife and children.Have sex again. (Laughter) Drive the kids to school on the way to the office. Do three hours work. Play a sport with a friend at lunchtime. Do another three hours work. Meet some mates in the pub for an early evening drink. Drive home for dinner with my wife and kids. Meditate for half an hour. Have sex.Walk the dog. Have sex again. Go to bed. (Applause) How often do you think I have that day?(Laughter) We need to be realistic. You cant do it all in one day. We need to elongate the time frameupon which we judge the balance in our life, but we need to elongate it without falling into the trap of the “Ill have a life when I retire, when my kids have left home, when my wife has divorced me, my health is failing, Ive got no mates or interests left.“ (Laughter) A day is too short; “after I retire“ is too long. Theres got to be a middle way. 6:32A fourth observation: We need to approach balance in a balanced way. A friend came to see me last year - and she doesnt mind me telling this story - a friend came to see me last year and said, “Nigel, Ive read your book. And I realize that my life is completely out of balance. Its totally dominated by work. I work 10 hours a day; I commute two hours a day. All of my relationships have failed. Theres nothing in my life apart from my work. So Ive decided to get a grip and sort it out. So I joined a gym.“(Laughter) Now I dont mean to mock, but being a fit 10-hour-a-day office rat isnt more balanced; its more fit. (Laughter) Lovely though physical exercise may be, there are other parts to life - theres the intellectual side; theres the emotional side; theres the spiritual side. And to be balanced, I believe we have to attend to all of those areas - not just do 50 stomach crunches. 7:39Now that can be daunting. Because people say, “Bloody hell mate, I havent got time to get fit. You want me to go to church and call my mother.“ And I understand. I truly understand how that can be daunting. But an incident that happened a couple of years ago gave me a new perspective. My wife, who is somewhere in the audience today, called me up at the office and said, “Nigel, you need to pick our youngest son“ - Harry - “up from school.“ Because she had to be somewhere else with the other three children for that evening. So I left work an hour early that afternoon and picked Harry up at the school gates. We walked down to the local park, messed around on the swings, played some silly games. I then walked him up the hill to the local cafe, and we shared a pizza for two, then walked down the hill to our home, and I gave him his bath and put him in his Batman pajamas. I then read him a chapter of Roald Dahls “James and the Giant Peach.“ I then put him to bed, tucked him in, gave him a kiss on his forehead and said, “Goodnight, mate,“ and walked out of his bedroom. As I was walking out of his bedroom, he said, “Dad?“ I went, “Yes, mate?“ He went, “Dad, this has been the best day of my life, ever.“ I hadnt done anything, hadnt taken him to Disney World or bought him a Playstation. 9:04Now my point is the small things matter. Being more balanced doesnt mean dramatic upheaval in your life. With the smallest investment in the right places, you can radically transform the quality of your relationships and the quality of your life. Moreover, I think, it can transform society. Because if enough people do it, we can change societys definition of success away from the moronically simplistic notionthat the person with the most money when he dies wins, to a more thoughtful and balanced definition of what a life well lived looks like. And that, I think, is an idea worth spreading. 我原本想的是 以一个简单的请求开场。 我想要在座的各位沉静片刻， 你们这群可悲的懦夫， 审视一下自身可怜的存在。 （笑声） 0:29其实这正是 5世纪时圣本笃给信众的建议， 可以想见，当时他们必定相当惊诧。这也是我 到了40 岁的时候决定采纳的建议。 在那之前，我一直是那种典型的业务精英 我吃的太多， 喝得太多， 工作太努力， 我忽视了自己的家庭。 于是我决定 我要试着改变我的生活。尤其 是，我决定 我要尝试处理这个棘手的问题： 即工作与生活的平衡。 于是我递交辞呈， 在家 与妻子和四个儿子相处了一年。 但是在那一年中 关于工作与生活平衡这个问题，我唯一的收 获是： 我发现平衡两者很容易，只要我不用工作。 （笑声） 这不是一个管用的技巧， 尤其 是缺钱的时候。 1:28所以我回到工作岗位， 七年以来 我的挣扎，学习与写作都是关于工作与生活的平衡。 今 天我有四点心得想跟各位分享 。 第一， 如果我们的社会要在这一问题上想要获得任何进展， 那么我们需要一个诚恳的探讨。 但问题是 ， 有太多人在这一问题上说着太多废话。 所有关 于弹性时间或者星期五的休闲装政策亦或是育儿假的讨论， 都只是起到了掩盖核心问题的作用， 即 某些工作和某些职业选择 从根本上讲就使我们无法兼顾有意义的家庭生活 。 解决任何问 题的第一步就是承认自己所处的现实境况。 而我们所处的社会现实是 成千上万的人们都过着 无声尖叫的绝望生活，他们夜以继日地努力从事他们痛恨的职业 目的只是为了购买不需要的商 品 以博得不喜欢的人的羡慕。 （笑声） （掌声） 我的观点是，星期五穿牛仔体恤去上班 并 不能解决关键问题。 3:00（笑声） 3:04我想说的第二点心得是 我们必须面对现实： 政府和公司不会为我们解决这一问题。 我们 不能再寻找外援。应该由我们自己，作为个人，掌控并对过怎样的生活负责。 如果你不规划自 己的生活， 那么别人就会为你规划， 你可能就不认同他们对于平衡的处理 。 尤为重要的是 这东西不会传到互联网上吧，要不然我可要被解雇了 尤为重要的是， 你绝不能让商 业公司来掌控你生活的质量。 我指的并不仅仅是那些糟糕的公司 我把那些公司叫做人类 灵魂的屠宰场。 （笑声） 我指的是所有的公司。 因为商业公司 本质上就是为了 尽可能多的 榨取你的价值 而同时尽量逃避责任。 这是它们的本质，深植于它们的基因中，它们以此立足 甚至是那些好的，有善心的公司。 一方面， 在工作场所开办儿童保育中心 是个很妙的， 很开明的主意。 另一方面，这同时是个噩梦； 因为这意味着你得在万恶的办公室里耗上更多 时间。 我们要负起责任，去设定并强化 我们在生活中所需要的各种界限。 4:33第三点是 我们得仔细考虑 选择什么样的时间单位 来评判平衡。 在家呆了一年之后 就在 我回到工作岗位之前， 我坐下来，详细地并且一步一步地描述了我所向往的完美的平衡一天。 具体如下： 充足的睡眠之后， 精神抖擞的醒来。 做爱。 遛狗。 与妻儿共进早餐。 做爱。 （笑声） 上班的途中送孩子去学校。 工作三小时。 午休时和朋友玩玩体育。 再工作三小时。 傍晚和老伙计们在酒吧喝两杯。 回家， 与妻儿共进晚餐。 冥想半小时。 做爱。 遛狗。做 爱。上床睡觉。 （掌声） 你觉得我多久能享受如此的一天？ （笑声） 我们当然要实际一些。 你不可能在一天内实现这一切。 我们得把时间单位拉长 来衡量生活中的平衡， 但是拉长的 同时你能掉入这样的陷阱： “我会享受生活的，当我退休了， 当子女也都离开家， 当妻子已 弃我而去，当我的身体大不如前， 当我已没有任何朋友和兴趣爱好。 ” （笑声） 一天太短， 等到退休又太长。 肯定会有折中的办法。 6:32第四点心得： 我们得采取“平衡”的办法来实现平衡。 去年我有